Have lost desire for casual sex/hookups

[NakedReadyGuy]

I'm posting this mainly to see if anyone else can relate. Yesterday it was 10 years since I came out and when I came out was pretty much when I started having sex. I've always wanted a relationship and still haven't found one, but I always took my mind off of that by hooking up every once and awhile. Now that doesn't do much for me and when I do hookup it feels less exciting. More and more I can only think about sex feeling good is if it is with someone I have a physical and emotionally attraction to. Maybe it comes with age, I turned 37 this year and I have been thinking more about my future. Has anyone else here felt less excitement from casual sex at some point?

 

[LoveMyPeppermill]

Definitely.

 

[frankifab]

I will be as old as you within a week . I quit seeking for casual empty sex in late 2017 ... I quit not because I lost my sexual appetite ( one's mind and hands can give you good orgasms )
I quit because I realised what I need is a man who I can have actual sex with , a man who loves me back , it doesn't matter how long it takes... I'll be patient ... Meanwhile I have my imagination , my hands , good porn and other tricks to give myself sexual satisfaction without the risks that casual encounters bring
When I'd have casual encounters I could ocassionally attain good sex , but that was it ... meaningless sex , after the encounter was through I ended up feeling empty inside

I believe real and meaningful sex makes you feel truly alive , something that casual short lived hook ups won't give you

 

[Dargelos]

I don't believe there is any such thing as meaningless sex. There is bad sex but bad sex is still better than no sex. That is a personal opinion that many will disagree with.
What is better than the best sex is finding mister right. He is out there, there is someone for everyone, but you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. If you never kiss any frogs then you may never find that prince. Would it make uninspiring dates a bit less tedious if you could imagine that this one at last is the real thing? Keep believing it and one day it will come true.

 

[TX-Beau]

I've always been baffled by people who insist that every sexual encounter has to be fraught with dire portent and sublime emotion.

It's great to be "in love" it's also great to get off. It's great to get off with a hot guy just for the fun of it with no other reason whatsoever.

There is nothing wrong with getting off just because you want to.

 

[KaraBulut]

...Maybe it comes with age, I turned 37 this year and I have been thinking more about my future. Has anyone else here felt less excitement from casual sex at some point?

If one of your straight friends came to you and said, "Yeah, I had my fun in my 20s but I think I'm ready to settle down with one person.", you wouldn't be shocked. In fact, you might be thinking, "Probably a good idea since you're getting older." or "It's about damn time.".

There's nothing unusual about that.

 

[PalacePaul]

From my experience, it is true that you lose interest with age (I'm 40 and I've felt the same as you).
Also I think it has to do with where you are, how do you relate to the gay community (if there is any) and how difficult it is to find hookups and/or dates.

 

[Dargelos]

The older you get the truer Shakespeares words become;
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak
Thats why you should have as much fun as you can while the flesh is still willing, so that you have plenty of happy memories to sustain you in future years.

 

[LoveMyPeppermill]

^^ Gather ye rosebuds* while ye may ... " ^^

*See what I did there?

 

[Dargelos]

A rosebud by any other name would taste as sweet.

 

[LoveMyPeppermill]

A rosebud by any other name would taste as sweet.

@rareboy agrees.

 

[PalacePaul]

I've always been baffled by people who insist that every sexual encounter has to be fraught with dire portent and sublime emotion.

It's great to be "in love" it's also great to get off. It's great to get off with a hot guy just for the fun of it with no other reason whatsoever.

There is nothing wrong with getting off just because you want to.

This.
Also keep in mind that the experience you accumulate changes your view on things. This week I'm all for casual hook-ups, no relationship goals and no feelings

 

[Cadno]

I'd like to think it's more a matter of experience than age. Most of what I've had since one outstanding occasion in 2021 feels so bland. I find it annoying because I'm still interested in my imagination, but I either can't enjoy it that much or have more specific expectations. It would be less bother if I were either into sex or not. Blowing frogs feels like more of a chore these days.

One of my top sexual fantasies these days is basically someone making me more eager for sex.