Have you ever fell for a guy who was conflicted about his sexuality?

[refujiunderground]

You are just thinking with your dick at the moment.

Tell him to go get some counselling from an objective person about accepting himself and his homosexuality and then look you up again.

While you may think it is exciting to help him wake up to his real sexual identity, I doubt if it will turn out well given how you've described the situation.

Why don't you go out and find some guy who is at ease with himself and not an emotional hot mess for once?

on point with this statement.

op, i think you're being a bit selfish. i can relate to what the guy that you've fallen for is going through and honestly, i think it would be in his and your best interest to not do anything. the worst thing that you can ever do to a man that is questioning himself is to force him to choose who he is. the reality is he doesn't know and if he does know, he hasn't accepted it yet. let him figure himself out. you don't need to do that for him.

 

[mbamike]

I was your friend a few years ago. I lived my entire life in denial and as a straight guy. Then I reached a point in my life where I finally faced my sexual attraction to guys head on. My hypothesis was I will have sex with a guy, not like it, then move on with my life.

This sexual excursion changed my life because it was the best sex of my entire life! The guy I found was very kind and answered a gazillion questions about being gay and living gay.

The sad part of this excursion was that he broke my heart. I fell for him, but I was just a piece of ass to him in the long term. It took me several months to get over him, but I did and found other guys with whom to have sex.

Looking back, I'm glad I had the sex and glad I met the guy I met. I am still leaning and still having sex with guys.

So, go ahead and have sex with him. Be prepared to answer a gazillion questions. If things don't work out, he will consider it to be a learning experience and move on. At least, I did.

Good luck!

 

[MrRochesterNY]

From what you said in #8 in this thread, I would guess this is another one of those situations where "talking" is being done all or mostly by email, texting, or some other modern substitute for real face-to-face conversation.

Is that the case or have you really sat down and spoken with him in person about all this?

 

[Rex]

Great thoughts and opinions given here. Appreciated. Sex probably will complicate things so I'll just try to be a friend to him. The thing about things coming naturally is a great point that I didn't realize.

From what you said in #8 in this thread, I would guess this is another one of those situations where "talking" is being done all or mostly by email, texting, or some other modern substitute for real face-to-face conversation.

Is that the case or have you really sat down and spoken with him in person about all this?

You're right. It's mostly been texting. I have talked to him in the past when we were in the military together but that was before any of this stuff even came about.

 

[bw92116]

I really think friendship and love is more important in the long run. Sex is just something that comes along on its own, now and then, as the need arises. It's almost like sex happens at a primitive level and has its own patterns and rhythms; it operates on its own timetable separate from the friendship. From what you have said, it sounds like he's interested in that and sexual activities might happen soon. But just take a casual attitude of "OK, when you're ready..." Don't say that but just think it to yourself. Your real goal should be developing the friendship and letting a mature, adult love grow slowly. Anything else is just a byproduct or fringe benefit.

 

[Soilwork]

You got it wrong on line one.

You say he's perfect for you.

No, he's not. He's about as far from perfect as you can get.

He's deeply in the closet, playing the hokey pokey with putting his toe in and then pulling his toe out... He's playing games with you, he's playing games with himself and he's got a huge bag of family anger issues that you are only just now acknowledging and dealing with yourself.

He's about as bad a choice as you can make and you're letting your physical attraction to him cloud your judgement.

You don't need a lover like him. But maybe you can use a friend like him.

Sad part is that you'll probably get drunk, make a few bad choices and fuck things up. Just be aware and prepare for that.

He's not like us. He's like you used to be and have finally moved on from.

 

[Rex]

He texted me today and I just told him I just wanna be his friend and that's it. I'm glad I made this thread and didn't go through with it.

He is telling me though he really wants me to come see him. He says he thinks about it a lot and wants it to happen but feels bad for thinking about it. I would love to go see him but it might not be a good idea.

 

[Telstra]

People who "conflicted about their sexuality"
also don't know how to wash their ass or don't wash their as.
They have smelly ass yes/no ?

 

[healingduck]

He texted me today and I just told him I just wanna be his friend and that's it. I'm glad I made this thread and didn't go through with it.

He is telling me though he really wants me to come see him. He says he thinks about it a lot and wants it to happen but feels bad for thinking about it. I would love to go see him but it might not be a good idea.

I'm glad you were able to say no. It sucks even worse because he is more or less your perfect guy. If he is that unsure about his sexuality, actually having sex will just complicate it even more. I'm sure he will like it in the moment, but chances are he will regret doing it and who knows what that will do to your friendship. Not to mention it will probably make your feelings for him grow stronger. It's gotta suck rejecting him, but at least you won't chance losing him as a friend.

 

[Rex]

Yeah, I would really want to hook up with him but I can tell from the messages we exchanged with each other, he is not ready. He's just now realizing he has an attraction to men and he's nowhere near accepting his gay or bi-ness yet.

It just wouldn't work out well. I told him I'm always there if he needs to talk or shoot the shit but I doubt he'll be interested in that. He just wants a quick hook up with a guy. He told me he thinks about it a lot but it makes him feel bad or guilty.

It's just too much drama to deal with. Maybe one day in the future, when he's past all that, if that ever happens. We'll probably just part ways and stop talking period but if he decides to ever hit me up again just to talk as friends I'll do it.

 

[Just_Believe18]

He texted me today and I just told him I just wanna be his friend and that's it. I'm glad I made this thread and didn't go through with it.

He is telling me though he really wants me to come see him. He says he thinks about it a lot and wants it to happen but feels bad for thinking about it. I would love to go see him but it might not be a good idea.

Doesn't sound resolved. You just made a statement, but now you're all tempted to go meet him when he obviously wants to make a move. Head drama. What a waste of energy and emotions. Just find a guy who's comfortable being gay and drop these closet cases you keep attaching yourself too. You'll actually get laid, and not feel so lonely and confused all the time.

 

[Rex]

Yeah it is very tempting. If I showed you what he looked like, maybe you'd understand it. Ask Jasun, I showed him the pic. But I don't think I'm gonna go through with it. It's just too much drama and emotional BS to deal with.

I would though like to be his friend and help him deal with these emotions but with a lot of these guys, they just can't be helped. This forum really helped me accept myself and I'm so thankful for it.

With guys like him, who don't have that outlet, or don't seek it, they might end up being unhappy their whole life.

 

[oakpope]

Why not inviting him here ? there are a lot of wise guys here who could maybe help him sort things out with him, answer the bazillions questions he may have and show him he is not alone, what is happening to him happened to a lot of people. Maybe that might help him...

 

[Telstra]

You showed me the other guy's pic (via PM) who is going to New york.
Now show me this guy.

 

[Just_Believe18]

With guys like him, who don't have that outlet, or don't seek it, they might end up being unhappy their whole life.

Not your problem. That's his decision to make. You have your own issues to worry about.

 

[Ninja108]

You made the right choice in saying no to him. His issues with his sexuality need to be dealt with first.
I've known people whom have had sex with men like the one you described.
It's never ended well in any of those cases.

 

[Rex]

I changed my mind.

I decided, this is never going to lead into anything but sex and him exploring his sexuality. It's not going to lead to a friendship or relationship, so fuck it. Why not just go for it?

He's never been with a guy and he's hot as hell. Why not just go for it and have fun with it?

 

[Rex]

You showed me the other guy's pic (via PM) who is going to New york.
Now show me this guy.

No. Stop being a creeper and maybe I would.

 

[Ninja108]

I changed my mind.

I decided, this is never going to lead into anything but sex and him exploring his sexuality. It's not going to lead to a friendship or relationship, so fuck it. Why not just go for it?

He's never been with a guy and he's hot as hell. Why not just go for it and have fun with it?

That's your choice...but the wrong one IMO.

 

[rareboy]

I figured that the brain in your cock would win out over the one in your skull.

Disappointed, but not surprised.

Just do not post all the follow up drama bullshit here and expect anyone to really give a shit.

And when your 'friend' ends up not only feeling all bad and guilty and ashamed or whatever bullshit he pulls, don't expect sympathy because he's playing a huge headgame with you that is designed to make you feel guilty and ashamed after as well.

All the best.