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Have you ever fell for a guy who was conflicted about his sexuality?

I have fallen for a guy who was conflicted with his sexuality. We would chat, and he sent me his number to text. We would text. Then he'd call. Things were great...plus he was within a close drive.

Then he disappeared.


He reappeared for a month and the pulled the disappearing act again.
 
Yup, I fell for a curious straight guy. We had sex a few times then he was gone. It has been 6-7 years since and we are just now becoming friends again, we had a lot of things in common not related to sex and were great friends before the sex happened. He has a girlfriend now and seems really happy.

If you, Sultan, really have feelings for this guy be prepared for some hurt feelings after the deed is done. Will you be happy having your texts/emails go unanswered? Loosing a friend? Sex is one thing but good friends are hard to find.

I hope things work out the way you want them to.
 
There are no guarantees in life, except paying taxes and then dying.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

It is often said every attempt at self improvement, is a step forward even in those moments when success appears to be beyond our grasp, even out of sight.

Dive in the deep end and learn to swim.

“We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure.”~Leo F. Buscaglia
 
Sultan said:
He's never been with a guy and he's hot as hell. Why not just go for it and have fun with it?
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Because that would make you a user.

You said you are not sure he could deal with the regret of exploring his sexuality before he is ready. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of any self destructive behaviors he might have afterwards? Or don't you care?
You know he is vulnerable, but you want his sex. Are you that desperate?

I ask you again, can't you for once find a guy who has his shit together?

BTW, what do you hope to prove by showing his pics to a few people here? If everyone agreed he was as hot as you claim, does that somehow justify you using a weaker brother? It's seems so...slimey.
 
Sultan, this is another great turnig point for you where you have learned to think about your friend's needs. Yes... He's going to have sex with a guy and when he does, it might be best that he does it with you because he trusts you and chose you for his first.

That said, it's probably not right for you. And he's not quite ready and you know it.

You're doing great and I'm very proud of you for your good choices
 
I think you should just be his friend and mentor. Let things flow naturally. Maybe touch him and let him touch you non-sexually to start with, moving on to hugging on meeting and departure when the environment is appropriate until he is relaxed with that.
If he wants to do anything sexual, be passive and let him make the moves, but remind him of what he is about to do and ask him if he is sure that this is what he wants, and then dont give him all he thinks he wants, let him beg a bit, and go home wanting more.

Overall a lifetime of friendship is better than one sexual encounter.
 
If you fuck him now, it will most likely end very badly for the both of you.

In this guy's mind, "gay = bad". Until he learns to accept his sexuality, your friend should be off limits. If you have sex, he'll either resent you for using him for sex or blame you for the "evil" feelings you gave him (yes, both are irrational, but most people with conflicting feelings don't always act rational).

Be there for him as a friend, and hopefully, if he gets his head on right, you guys can take things to the next level.
 
You say, "He says he thinks about it a lot and wants it to happen but feels bad for thinking about it."

I would just say to him, "Well, I don't want you to feel bad. So if the day comes when you no longer feel bad about it, I'd love to be with you in that way. In the meantime we can just be friends and hang out. There are lots of other things we can do together as friends. But I'm not going to do something that will result in you feeling bad, for whatever reason. If the day ever comes when you don't feel bad about having gay sex, then sure, I'm up for it. But let's just do things now that you feel good about doing. Let's go to a movie or a game or something."
 
:##:

So first you're grateful to everyone here for telling you the truth that you've found yourself in another fucked up situation.

Of course the logical thing to do is make the situation even more fucked up.

I will not applaud your baby steps out of assholism. You know the difference between right and wrong and here we are again...
 
I don't think it's helpful to beat up Sultan verbally. It's so easy to criticize, judge and condemn when you're just a third-party observer. Have not all of us been in a similar situation as he is in, at some point in our lives? When you are in this kind of situation, you are overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts, desires, emotions and all of that makes it much harder to make the logical decisions which seem so obvious to the rest of us. If you actually care about Sultan you should make some effort to guide him in the right direction on this, instead of just verbally destroying him for sport.
 
^ Whatever.

The moment that he threw all the good advice aside and decided that banging his friend is all that matters, it is absurd to expect that anyone is really going to care what happens to either Sultan or his fucked up friend once the jizz is starting to dry.
 
When you are in this kind of situation, you are overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts, desires, emotions and all of that makes it much harder to make the logical decisions which seem so obvious to the rest of us.
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Not buying it. Because this isn't about a logical decision is it? Matters of the heart are rarely logical. But the difference here is whose heart is on the table. The friend or sultan's?

Sultan knows well enough what this guy is going through cause he went through it himself. (correct me if I'm wrong, sultan) What this guy needs is time to adjust his images. What he sees in himself, and what he sees when he thinks of what it is to be gay. Of course the sexual curiosity is there, he is human after all. But he needs way more than a dick in his ass and we both know it.

If you aren't prepared to deal with everything that comes out of it, don't open that box.
If you actually care about Sultan you should make some effort to guide him in the right direction on this, instead of just verbally destroying him for sport.
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There's a reason he doesn't post these threads in CO&R...
 
Everyone is allowed to have fun and make small mistakes (harmless). So go for it.

Actually there is no mistake if the fun is agreed by both sides.
 
sixthson said:
Because that would make you a user.

You said you are not sure he could deal with the regret of exploring his sexuality before he is ready. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences of any self destructive behaviors he might have afterwards? Or don't you care?
You know he is vulnerable, but you want his sex. Are you that desperate?

I ask you again, can't you for once find a guy who has his shit together?

BTW, what do you hope to prove by showing his pics to a few people here? If everyone agreed he was as hot as you claim, does that somehow justify you using a weaker brother? It's seems so...slimey.
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But he has made it clear he doesn't want me as a friend. Every attempt I make in friendship isn't accepted. He wants sex bad and wants me to be hist first. He wants me to fly to him ASAP and mess around with him for a few days.

I would be there for him as a friend with no sex involved but he doesn't want that. Why don't I just give him what he wants? I think I'm ready to do it without being attached. I'll be there for him as a friend afterwards if he wants that but I'm not going to obsess over him and try to turn him into BF material, because it won't happen.



He's told me part of the reason he wants to do this so badly is because the fact that it's considered "wrong" or breaking the rules is a huge turn on for him.


I just need to play it cool as a cucumber and not let emotions get involved.
 
You're right. It is just another hook up between two adult men.

Wouldn't it be funny if he turned out to be an experienced homo playing you just to get in your pants? Not that it matters.
 
Sultan said:
But he has made it clear he doesn't want me as a friend. Every attempt I make in friendship isn't accepted. He wants sex bad and wants me to be hist first. He wants me to fly to him ASAP and mess around with him for a few days.

I would be there for him as a friend with no sex involved but he doesn't want that. Why don't I just give him what he wants? I think I'm ready to do it without being attached. I'll be there for him as a friend afterwards if he wants that but I'm not going to obsess over him and try to turn him into BF material, because it won't happen.



He's told me part of the reason he wants to do this so badly is because the fact that it's considered "wrong" or breaking the rules is a huge turn on for him.


I just need to play it cool as a cucumber and not let emotions get involved.
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Meh.... I say go for it. If he isn't willing to be ''just friends'' then why not? Chances are he is going to do it with someone anyway, so why not let him do it to you? Plus you find him really attractive so it's not like you are doing it just for him ;)

And who knows...... Maybe he will surprise everyone and it will make him want to be friends with benefits. But hey, worse case scenario you would get to have sex with a hot guy but will No longer be friends.... Which would happen anyway, but without the sex :p
 
Everyone I hooked up with in the past(well almost everyone) was "confused" except maybe for my last two ex's. The funny thing is that once you forget about them, they come out of the wood work weeks/months later looking for sex.
 
But you have feelings for him, right? It wouldn't be just a hookup, for you anyway. You want it to be more than that, is this correct? If that's true I think you will end up getting hurt eventually. If it's just a hookup, in his mind, and he's just using you as his experiment, and he has no feelings for you, and afterwards he's going to believe that what he did was bad, and he's going to run back to the closet... all I can see in this for you in the long run is that you will be abandoned emotionally and you will end up hurt.
 
But he has made it clear he doesn't want me as a friend. Every attempt I make in friendship isn't accepted. He wants sex bad and wants me to be hist first. He wants me to fly to him ASAP and mess around with him for a few days.

I would be there for him as a friend with no sex involved but he doesn't want that. Why don't I just give him what he wants? I think I'm ready to do it without being attached. I'll be there for him as a friend afterwards if he wants that but I'm not going to obsess over him and try to turn him into BF material, because it won't happen.



He's told me part of the reason he wants to do this so badly is because the fact that it's considered "wrong" or breaking the rules is a huge turn on for him.
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Well then, it doesn't really sound like he's all that "conflicted" after all. A far cry from the emotionally unstable closet case you've painted him to be...
 
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