Have you ever lead on a straight women?

[Toy-Boy]

Well, here's my story. It's my senior year of highschool, and I became fast friends with this girl in my graduating class. I guess I considered her my fag hag, but keep in mind that I wasn't openly gay, and I never told her that I was gay. However, we were very close and we were inseperable. Come the end of the year, I finally come out to her, and she claims that "I lead her on." She told me that I should've told her from the get to that I was gay. Was I obligated to share that piece of information with her? NO! I don't feel as though I was in the wrong, because we never dated, we never did anything sexual, and I never confessed any romantic feelings towards her.

Thoughts?

 

[G-Lexington]

You ever do anything even slightly romantic? Kiss, hold hands, go out for a romantic date?

Lex

 

[Piquechampion]

You did the absolute right thing.

I mean, after all, women are not worthy of the truth, seeing as they are lesser beings, no?

Good on you. She should be ashamed she got mad.

This forum is JUSTUSBOYS after all.

So if you can't take a little misogyny (which is an integral part of some BOYS) then feel free to leave.

Besides, I don't see any of us, going to lesbian/feminist forums demanding for them to not talk about men.

PS: I respect and admire some women (you included) but I also think some are bitches and hoes, and in a gay forum, I should be able to say it.

 

[G-Lexington]

Congratulations on your penis.

Lex

 

[Tadaa]

Well, here's my story. It's my senior year of highschool, and I became fast friends with this girl in my graduating class. I guess I considered her my fag hag, but keep in mind that I wasn't openly gay, and I never told her that I was gay. However, we were very close and we were inseperable. Come the end of the year, I finally come out to her, and she claims that "I lead her on." She told me that I should've told her from the get to that I was gay. Was I obligated to share that piece of information with her? NO! I don't feel as though I was in the wrong, because we never dated, we never did anything sexual, and I never confessed any romantic feelings towards her.

Thoughts?

You don't have to wear your sexuality as a badge anymore than a heterosexual person does. You weren't obligated to tell her anything.

 

[Piquechampion]

Funny, I looked at the CoC and nowhere in there does it say that a penis is required.



Part of boys' behavior is to be homophobic. We don't deal with that shit, do we?



Maybe because we don't care? Any straight person that cares and participates here is fine with me. Man or woman.



Call women bitches and hoes all you want but don't expect for people to tolerate it.

Where the F, did I call Stacy a bitch or a hoe????

In fact I pointed out that I do respect and admire her (for being a strong ally of our LGBT community and her other personal qualities). The same I admire women (past and present) all over the World.

But, I also do think some are cunts (Palin), bitches (Coulter) and hoes (your trashy celebrity of chosing), and I do think that I (or other posters here, like the OP) should be able to express ourself freely without fearing to upset some poster/s.

Let's see if I can go to Lilith Fair and demand for them to stop trashing men, let's see how that goes....

 

[Piquechampion]

Who said you can't?

The argument that one party does it so why can't we is weak.

Just because I don't like some gay men doesn't mean I have a right to call any gay people derogatory names.

And no you didn't call me any names, but you called out my gender and that's part of me. I have a right to take exception to it.

You can't be that gender faithful???? Can you????

I mean, I am team gayz all the way (and in fact between team males and team females, I am team females all the way), but that doesn't blind me to the fact that some gays and/or males are queens, assholes, pigs, etc.

That's just calling as it is.

 

[Piquechampion]

But I digress....

The OP did nothing wrong (in spite the opposite stated by some). By what he described, he did not lead her on, she was lead by her own blindness, etc...

 

[opinterph]

… if you can't take a little misogyny (which is an integral part of some BOYS) then feel free to leave.

… and in a gay forum, I should be able to say it.

Wrong. Don’t let the name of the site confuse you. Women are welcome here – and even if none were present “a little misogyny” is NOT welcome here.

Misogyny

JUB Code of Conduct​

8. Please do not use language that sounds like, stands for, hints at, abbreviates, or insinuates hate speech (including but not limited to racial, ethnic, sexual, or religious slurs) or illegal activities.

 

[LilBit]

No. I only lead on women that I want to fuck.

Dang. Beat me to it.

 

[desmond]

I've had a few weirdly obsessive, bordeline stalker things go on, I try to be straightforward and I feel fairly obvious, but sometimes people lead themselves on... Doesn't happen so much since passing menopause ;-)

 

[Piquechampion]

Wrong. Don’t let the name of the site confuse you. Women are welcome here –

Hey I like women participating here, but isn't

JUSTUSBOYS (which means just us boys/males) and women are welcome here an oxymoron?????

Shouldn't the site change names????

Like Justusboysandfemalefriends?????

 

[elra]

To answer the question.

You weren't really a friend if you hid something that big from her.

And I don't mean your dick

She meant you led her on because as a straight man and straight woman there are always possibilities. If she had known you were not straight or not interested she might have had a different dialogue in her own mind than the "he might be a possible boyfriend" one.

Normally I agree with you stacy.. but by your logic, no gay man can make friends until they come out of the closet? I don't buy that. I think he probably chose (one of?) his CLOSEST friend to discuss it with.

In fact, I'll counter that with SHE wasn't really a friend. I mean, if she's so pissed off he won't be her boyfriend now, it really seems like that's all she was after - peen, not his friendship. When he shared that obviously very private information about HIM, she made it all about HER and accused HIM of leading her on. Poor taste IMO.

It wouldn't be the first time a woman has fallen for a closeted gay dude w/o knowing, and I doubt it'll be the last.

To the OP: Your friend will probably realize she's being stupid and come back to being your fag hag full time.. provided she isn't ... ya know.. a bigot. Just give her some space.

 

[Piquechampion]

A gay porn site with a gay name still doesn't mean other people can't be on it.
I mean, the fact that we have a bi/straight section says a lot.

Except that the name of the site is JUSTUSBOYS (where in the name does gay porn or even gayness mentioned???? ) which means just males.

The name is an oxymoron

But you knew that already, you just like trolling my posts for trolling sake

 

[Puzuzzu]

You did the absolute right thing.

I mean, after all, women are not worthy of the truth, seeing as they are lesser beings, no?

Good on you. She should be ashamed she got mad.

He said he wasn't openly gay, as in to anyone...
I think that his caution is valid.

 

[elra]

In his opening post the guy in question mentioned that he and his female companion were "extremely close and inseperable" so I based my response on that fact.

They couldn't have been that close if he didn't tell her until pretty far into the "friendship."

And yes as a friend she should not have reacted the way she did, but she was probably taken aback thinking she knew this person and really didn't.

Except.. you aren't involved in the relationship. You have no idea - how could you?

He also stated he isn't openly gay. That's his situation and you have to respect that. Not everybody can be loud n' proud and tell every single person they strike up a friendship with they like cock. If at this point in his young life he's very selective with who he shares his gayness with, that's his prerogative.

Who cares how long it took him to tell her? That's a stupid measure. After I shared it with my family, I kept it to myself because I simply wasn't ready to take that next public step. Its one thing to admit it to yourself and those that raised you, but its another thing to tell the world.

In fact, the amazing friendships I made during that time were just the push I needed to be THAT comfortable with somebody.. to finally fess up with somebody who doesn't share my blood. The person that a young gay man selects from his friends (outside of family... entirely different issue) is a person the young gay man respects, trusts and values the friendship of. Probably the person he is closest with.

 

[NotThatCreative]

I think I agree with stacy on the OP, although I'm not so sure I'd say sexism had anything to do with it. Nevertheless, in her shoes, actions you took may have seemed different and not so clear-cut unromantic/nonsexual.

And I disagree with the notion that if she also wanted to date him that necessarily means they weren't friends or that she wasn't seeking friendship. Dating someone is more than just making out with them and fucking. For many, friendship is an integral part of a dating relationship.

Are you obligated to tell her you're gay? Not necessarily. But if at any point she did things that could be interpreted romantically/sexually, it's definitely an unkindness as a friend to not make clear there isn't reciprocal interest. It's understandable that any woman is going to assume that any man may potentially have interest in them. And just showing a "lack of interest" is not necessarily enough. It should be made clear you have no interest and never will, not something that the woman in question may think might change.

I made the mistake of not telling a close friend of mine early enough. She got over it and ended up apologizing for her behavior immediately after I told her (she was quite upset). I told her then and maintain now that it was my fault I didn't tell her, and her reaction was understandable given the circumstances. I apologized to her. To be clear, there was no question of me leading her on either. Even immediately after I came out to her and she was extremely emotional she said she knew I had shown no interest but she had hoped it would change.

If this woman is/was your friend, and you spent as much time together as you say, I have a hard time saying you weren't at some point obliged to make it clear. Things you can do with your guy friends that wouldn't be interpreted sexually/romantically for a closeted guy are not one and the same as what you can do with a lady friend without it being open to sexual/romantic interpretation.

Even if you feel your staying in the closet was the right thing to do (which it may have been, I don't know your situation) then you should recognize that it nevertheless would have an effect on her. She was denied information, and so is in some way collateral damage, if you will. There are potentially more negatives to being closeted than just having a secret of that magnitude and import. There can be a cost to those around you, as there was in this instance. Hopefully your friend gets over it as mine did.

In answer to the title of the thread, the answer for me is that I've never intentionally done so.

 

[boiseboy]

I lead on girls i'm not interested in. It's fun to flirt sometimes.

 

[evanrick]

You did the absolute right thing.

I mean, after all, women are not worthy of the truth, seeing as they are lesser beings, no?

Good on you. She should be ashamed she got mad.

haha....he should feel bad.

 

[NotThatCreative]

What? Really?

I think it's silly that he should 'have' to come out on the bases that she might have saw him as potential boyfriend. If the story is true, the OP is obviously confused on why he was 'leading her own', which would mean he had the no idea that she had interest at all. I'm not saying it's wrong to have any sort of feelings, but after telling him that he 'lead her on' would indicate that she expected something from him, which is silly to assume with anyone when you're not making clear you do have feelings.

I think it's selfish to feel 'lead on' just because someone didn't come out of the closet to a girl sooner. Being in the closet has nothing to do with leading anyone on, so apologizing for the fact is pretty ridiculous to me.

I'm not saying he had to come out. As I said though, she was at least a sort of collateral damage. Him not coming out hurt her.

I don't see how it's selfish for a woman to feel lead on by someone she believes has interest in women. Since a strong majority of guys are, after all, straight, then assuming heterosexuality is not out of line. And though I apologized to my friend when a similar situation arose, if he doesn't feel it's his fault then by all means don't apologize. But the reality is that she was hurt because she felt there was something between them and it would've been clear that wasn't the case if he were out.

And what's making it "clear" there's no romantic feelings? The OP said they "never dated." Maybe in his mind, but even something as innocent as dinner and a movie could seem like dating in her mind. There are plenty of people out there who won't do anything sexual or "confess romanic feelings" even after a few months of dating. Some people really just aren't the type to do much confessing of romantic feelings at any point in a relationship. I don't know the full details, but with a shifted perspective it may be totally understandable that she thought there was something between them.

At least the fact that he hurt her and we as a society think you should not hurt your friends should be recognized. I think her reaction was a bit much, and if she's really the OP's friend then I hope she'll realize that he's not at fault any more than she is.

For my friend and I it meant a lot to her for me to apologize and tell her she didn't need to. So even if I didn't think it my fault more than hers, I probably would've done the same thing anyway. The OP's friend is, after all, dealing at this point with what is an unpleasant reality for her: she can't have you.