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Have you ever successfully converted a homophobe?

Treborf

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I generally have no interest in trying to change the minds of anti-gay people. I'll debate and challenge them, but that's usually for my own amusement or to make them look dumb. But actually trying to convert someone? Nah.

I've always felt that if a grown person can't see that homophobia (or racism or --ism)is obviously wrong, then they're not really worth trying to educate. But I dunno...maybe I'm passing up my chance to make the world a little more homo-friendly.

Any of you made an ally out of an enemy?
 
Well, i've had some rather bigoted or standoffish friends/acquaintances actually kind of ease up once we had a few open discussions on sexuality. I really don't think they became an "ally", but they did admit to having a lot to think about, and said that they had a new found respect for me.

So, that's nice I guess.
 
I don't know, but I've cleared up some misconceptions for a few of my straight friends.
 
My best friend. Not saying he was hardcore, but our friendship got better as we both grew up. We also talked a lot about politics & life generally, so we really helped each other intellectually in a way when we were younger.

As many here will second, you can resolve or improve anything as long as you talk heart-to heart with the other person about it.
 
Depends on what you mean by "convert". I've never started talking with a violent homophobe, which ended in him joining PFLAG. But I've had several conversations - online and in person - where I think ended up at least softening their position.

Most notable one: a fellow JUBber who drives a truck for a living saw some pretty hateful things being said on a messageboard devoted to truckers. After suggesting a few things, I finally said "screw it", joined the messageboard, and put myself out there. The thread doesn't exist anymore (sadly), but I said something along the lines of this:

It's been said that homophobic people are like that out of ignorance. But the only true cure for ignorance is education. Which is why I've joined this message board.

My name is Lexington. I'm a homosexual. And I'm here to educate.

Feel free to ask me any question you'd like, and I'll attempt to answer it as calmly and rationally as possible. I'll do my best not to get offended, and do my best to give you the "straight" dope. Any question is fair game. Let me know.


I got a lot of questions. Some of them ignorant ("Is your ass so stretched it's like tossing a hot dog down a hallway?"), some of them angry ("Why are you obsessed with shoving your sexuality in my children's faces?"), some simply questioning ("Why do gay guys act like that?"). And I answered them all. It occasionally got a bit heated, but it was mainly on an even keel.

And as time went on, there was a definite shift in tone. Even the most homophobic posters stopped asking about "you fags", and started asking about "gays". Without me asking them to change. Why? I think it's obvious - I had earned their respect. I was no longer one of "them" - part of a faceless mass that they could demean. They had gotten to know me better. And even if they weren't suddenly huge supporters, they had gotten a bit of respect for what I had done. And as such, they were treating me better. And I daresay they learned quite a bit about gays just during the course of that thread.

So I'll repeat to you what I said to them. If homophobes really are ignorant, it bears keeping in mind that the only cure for ignorance is education. And maybe nobody has simply taken the time or effort to educate these people. Maybe the situation isn't ideal for that - if they're drunk and getting violent in a bar, it's probably not a good time for schooling. But if you can approach them correctly, you might just start turning some people.

Lex
 
I've had debates with the brazenly homophobic and those who are simply ill informed, under educated or just towing the line quite often, but in all reality, I have very little interest in changing their minds; much of the time, the intention behind the debate is "collateral damage," if you'll excuse the politicking vernacular; it's those on the sidelines listening in who will hear one side using perjoratives, distortions, exaggerations, pervasive misconceptions, quote mines, misrepresentations and the other simply exposing the prejudice for what it actually is.

Those who are brazenly homophobic, more often than not, are too in love with the easy self definition their particular tribal enemy of choice provides. In that regard, you are not looking to change their opinions per se; you are challenging their sense of self, which is why it is so incredibly difficult. I would like to think that I leave them with something to think about: one of my tried and tested tactics that NEVER fails is to allow them every presumptions and misconception they like to assert, then ask: "So what?" For example, one of the things you will often get from certain kinds of homophobe is the assertion that homosexuality is a "lifestyle choice," (emphasis on CHOICE).

My response: "So what? For the sake of argument, let's allow that; let us assume that the proclivity to be attracted to members of the same sex is a matter of conscious choice: how does that legitimise your prejudice and hostility?"

You'll find them floundering, not really knowing what to do or say most of the time, as they haven't actually thought about it very deeply, and were expecting you to simply deny their initial assertion.

"Homosexuality is unnatural!!"

"So what? Watching T.V. is unnatural. Driving cars is unnatural AND, I might add, by any rational definition of morality, a much shakier choice, since statistically you are much more likely to cause harm or injury to yourself or others than anyone engaging in homosexual activity."

I'm more interested in exposing commonly parroted bullshit for what it is than changing the minds of those who use it, as the very fact that they DO use it is more than sufficient evidence that they have little in the way of minds to change.
 
A couple (maybe more *crosses fingers*) of times, yes.

The most memorable happened in another forum a few years back, in which this anti-gay guy came in and started trying to argue his points from a mix of Christian scripture and personal opinion. He was clearly anti-gay, but not outwardly verbally abusive and he was attempting to approach us with a veneer of civility.

Nobody jumped on him. Nobody went nuts. Instead, people dissembled his points with an equally civil (but steadfast) directness. I was one of the main participants in the dialogue, and approached him with a mix of facts and personal examples from my own life. After several days of back-and-forth he went away.

About two weeks later he pops back up, and wow, did his tone ever change. He told us he wanted to take some time off to think about what had been said. He said he came back because he experienced a really changing experience earlier that day at church. He was talking with a group of other people after the service and somehow the conversation turned to homosexuals.

He didn’t go into detail, but the impression I got was that these people expressed some very un-Christian opinions and feelings that didn’t sit right with him. One of the most touching things that he wrote was that he imagined all of us on the message board (he named a few screen names, mine among them) and said that for the first time he heard what they were saying about each of us personally -- not just as a faceless group of “homosexuals.”

It really bothered him, and although he did not stay around the message forum on a regular basis, it was clear that he had been deeply affected. I’m not saying he started flying a rainbow flag, but on that day, his eyes did open a little.

So yes, Virginia, there is hope.
 
Turned them into a flaming cocksucker you mean?

No. But I've seen it happen.

Wow.
 
Yes. Well, kinda.

About a month ago I met this guy in class [College] and aside from school work [we were in a group together] we would talk about things unrelated to school work. So, during our break I'm playing this stupid game with him that he made up about who we would "do". . . and I spot this attractive couple and "he says I'd do her" [ the female] and I said "I'd do them both." I admit I did it on purpose to see how he would react [Lol]. He was like "What?!" I'll never forget the way he looked at me in disgust, but it was comedic to me, because I didn't care.

Anyway, he proceeded to say call me "faggot" and other nasty names expressing his disdain for homosexuals. He was really passionate about it. It was really weird, but I learned why. He was bi-curious himself and was afraid of it[?] I don't know. I know this, because later that week he would constantly ask me things like what it's like to "suck one" [Lol @ him just assuming I sucked cock, because I like guys] And he would just seem so fascinated in the whole guy-on-guy thing, while constantly reassuring me that he was straight. That went on for a few days. Finally though, he confessed that he was asking all of it because he wanted to "try" it, but he "knows he not gay" or that he doesn't find guys attractive or some bullshit. He even asked me if he should try it. LOL.
Anywho. . .


We became pretty close and we are semester friends. May last longer. Who knows. He was a closet case self hating homophobic. He seems very much interested in the lifestyle and whatnot though. I just help him as much as I can ; telling him what he wants to know.
 
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