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having gay friends

briefboy86

briefboy86

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This may seem strange, but up until two weeks ago I've never had a gay friend, and my close girlfriend said she knew this guy at work who was gay and wanted someone to talk to. so i said sure, I'm down and said it was ok for her to give him my number. Well needless to say he is my first gay friend. We get along good and all, I've gone to the gay bars and stuff and met a few cool guys but I really dont know if I can can be friends with other gay guys.

I really just want somebody else thats going through the same thing that me and my boyfriend are going through with our parents and just be friends. Why does it seem that there is a weird tension... I just dont get it... Am i being weird? Please be honest...
 
I've had other people say the same thing. That they can't be friends with other gay guys because of the sexual tension that's always there. I've been friends with partnered gay guys, single gay guys, straight guys, and women...and never felt any sexual tension. But maybe I'm just oblivious. If so, I'd say that's a positive.

I also know gay guys (obviously not well) who don't befriend other gay men UNLESS they're going to fuck. "Otherwise, what's the point?"

Lex
 
Well, without more context that's hard to say.

One would hope that your partner is your friend, so that would be at least one gay guy you're friends with.

Why do you say you can't be friends with gay guys?

That seems very odd.
 
G-Lexington said:
I've had other people say the same thing. That they can't be friends with other gay guys because of the sexual tension that's always there. I've been friends with partnered gay guys, single gay guys, straight guys, and women...and never felt any sexual tension. But maybe I'm just oblivious. If so, I'd say that's a positive.

I also know gay guys (obviously not well) who don't befriend other gay men UNLESS they're going to fuck. "Otherwise, what's the point?"

Lex
Click to expand...

Lex,
Thats the thing that was bothering me, the guys i met were really cool, total queens, and Im not really attracted to the flamboyant guys, I think there really fun to party with becaus they really know how to party, but the "straight" acting gays are the ones i have issues with. Id really just like a group of guys i can relate to, go to the bar have some drinks do a shot or two and thats that, no one trying to make any moves or play any mind games. I enjoy going to the gay bars because i like to check out some guys and not be afraid of them knocking me out lol. but I really feel more comfy at a regular bar with my regular straight friends.. but i like the fact i can be myself at the gay bars.
 
TX-Beau said:
Well, without more context that's hard to say.

One would hope that your partner is your friend, so that would be at least one gay guy you're friends with.

Why do you say you can't be friends with gay guys?

That seems very odd.
Click to expand...

I just feel like I cant. It just seems like theres a weird tension, and I dont like how it feels, especially when they know that I've been with my bf for almost 2 years. I mean i could be friends with other gay guys but it just seems like i cant because of that tension.
 
Well, you're not attracted to "friends,"generally, so why can't you be friends with those "queens," you have so much fun with?

What have "straight acting," guys to do with it? You say you don't like them, so don't be friends with them. End of issue.

Maybe the tension is in your head?

Do you really think that most gay men really care how long you've been with your boyfriend?

I wouldn't. It's immaterial to whether I think you're a fun guy to have a drink with.
 
On the other hand, if you're dividing us up into "queens," and "straight acting," that suggests some issues that have nothing to do with the rest of us.
 
TX-Beau said:
Well, you're not attracted to "friends,"generally, so why can't you be friends with those "queens," you have so much fun with?

What have "straight acting," guys to do with it? You say you don't like them, so don't be friends with them. End of issue.

Maybe the tension is in your head?

Do you really think that most gay men really care how long you've been with your boyfriend?

I wouldn't. It's immaterial to whether I think you're a fun guy to have a drink with.
Click to expand...

thats what one of my friends said, so thats what Im thinking. But there are just some times where I feel that there is a tension and times that there are no tensions. Im not dividing us up into "queens," and "straight acting" Im just saying the one friend who is "straight acting" seems to be sending some really weird signals, and tonite we were talking and he was saying that I may have "settled down" too early. Im like, well why do you think that? and he was like because you came out just 2 years ago rite before i met my boyfriend.

That just sent me a really strange signal and made me feel really uncomfortable.
 
Tell you what, you can be friends with all of us on here, queens and straight acting alike - and everyone in between.

We don't care how long you've been with your guy, in fact we're happy for you.

Good for you, two years in, I wish you many more.
 
By the way, anyone who calls themselves "straight acting" has issues.

I know, I used to be there. There is no such thing as a "straight acting" guy who fucks other guys.

Straight guys don't act that way.
 
TX,
Thank you for the many more year wishes. and i dont like to say im straight acting, because Im not straight. haha

its just really one friend that makes comments like i said above and just makes me feel really uncomfortable and I've been thinking about cutting the ties of this friendship because of how its making me feel.

Is that weird?
 
No it's not weird, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, I can see why you might not want to deal with him.

It comes down to a choice. Is his friendship more positive or more negative?
 
TX-Beau said:
No it's not weird, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, I can see why you might not want to deal with him.

It comes down to a choice. Is his friendship more positive or more negative?
Click to expand...

well it has it perks, because he is dealing with a situation with his mom that im having with my dad, so we can really relate on those so i dunno..
 
I only have one gay friend in real life. She's a lesbian. There are no gay people willing to come out and hang with us in the area we live in. So most of my gay friends are on Microsoft's Xbox Live service.
 
It also may be in my head since these are the first gay friends i have made too as well as with the one that keeps making comments. I value his friendship for the similarties to whats going on in his life and our life and I know he is looking for help coming out at work.

Its also ruff because we have a mutual friend which he works with and I've been friends with this girl for over 10 years and some of the comments he makes about here just make me want to hit him, because im going to stick up for her, because weve been friends for such a long time.... I dont like being the one in the middle of a issue which is there issue. yeah she shouldnt try to out him at work, by making comments like oh hes hanging out with my gay friend Justin alot... Its there issue to deal with, and ive told him this and her this but as a friend of both i want to talk to her and him about this and yeah.. its just alot of drama and I HATE DRAMA!! haha
 
i dont have "deep, serious friendships" (as opposed to more casual friendships) with anybody im sexually attracted to, gay or straight, or anybody who is clearly sexually attracted to me. it doesnt work for me.
 
A friend is a friend, isn't it? What's so different about a gay friend and a straight friend? Either you respect somebody's heart or you don't. Either you want to share time with people or you don't.

I guess I obviously love all of you , and we love all each other, or we all wouldn't be here with our silly neurotic middle-class self-hating gay ways.

Like you have to listen to yourself sometimes and the sort of indirect offensiveness that your very question provokes. It's just kind of silly.

Oh well, uplifting gay men's self-esteem is fun. And they'll always be fucked up and always need help and it feels good to be a giver and help raise people's vibrations.
 
I'm sorry if this sounds like im talking in circles, I'm just trying to decide from what I'm feeling and what you guys are saying. Like you said slnattak, I respect my friends (99.9% straight) hearts, and it feels my only gay friend hank isnt respecting mine. But like I said earlier we are dealing with the same situations at home and its nice to talk to, but it really bothers me that it seems like hes not respecting my relationship. So do i just over look that fact and just keep him in his place or just cut ties...
 
>>>I'd call that issues.

And they think I (and, I'm guessing, you) have sexual hang-ups because I can't have sex with my gay friends (and anyone else) and keep it "just sex". I just say we agree to disagree on that point.

Back to the point at hand.

As I said, I've never had any issue hanging out with other gay guys. Coupled or single. Have I had any make a move on me? Sure. At which point I say "You know I'm happily partnered, right?", and they laugh off their pick-up lines and say they were just fooling around. The topic changes, and we're platonic friends henceforth. It really isn't such a big deal.

If this guy is an asshole, then he's an asshole, and his sexuality has nothing to do with it.

Lex
 
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