Having problems with gay people.

[Blacksheep]

I have no gaydar. This in itself wouldn't be a problem but either A.) I don't show up on other gay people's, or B.) I'm only attractive to straight women.

If I go anywhere attractive (and I mean attractive) women from mid teens to 40+ look at me, yet the only time guys look at me is if they're over 40 or are with their girlfriends and then it's more a 'you look nice/I like your clothes' sort of look.

Whenever I go to a gay club or somewhere filled with gay clientele people stare at me as if I'm a tourist or an interloper. Beyond that I'm ignored until I finally decide I've had enough and decide to leave after a few drinks (anywhere up to an hour). I'm not really trying to pick up, I'd much rather just make some friends or have a laugh like everyone else seems to. But no matter where I sit or how much I smile people just walk/look right past me.

I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve from the topic but I really wanted to vent. I'm just hoping things pick up when I go back to Uni in a few months.

 

[Blacksheep]

Seems like solid advice except that everyone (and I mean everyone) is grouped in 2's or more (and I can't tell who the third wheel is if there is more than two people). They then all sit around chatting with one another, basically self-contained like people in a normal pub/cafe/whatever when they are out with friends. As such I'd feel really odd going up to them since they all seem happy enough and not wanting to be disturbed.
Once the night begins and the dancing starts the volume knob seems to get turned up so loud that it's impossible to hear anything (to order a drink you have to lean over the bar and scream at full pitch into the bar person's ear). Also the lights get turned way down to the point where you can only see two feet in front of yourself. Which to me would indicate that it's directed more at hooking up than making friends or having fun. And in all honesty if I just wanted to be fucked I'd rather either pay for it with someone who is tested regularly and knows what they're doing. Or go into an adult bookstore and save myself the ringing ears.

Another issue is that for some stupid reasons the trains here stop running fairly early and since the clubs don't open until ten so unless I hooked up I'm basically stuck either paying $50 for a cab home, walking (did once and once only as it took four hours and is over 15km), or waiting until the following morning for trains to restart as I can't drive.

I just wish that there was a gay cafe/ large bookstore or something that would draw a wide and varied gay crowd during the day.

 

[Alive and Free]

yeah gay guys are a tough bunch

 

[drhladnjak]

Some thoughts...

You live in Melbourne Australia, a major world city. There must be other ways to meet guys besides the bars. In my experience, bars aren't a good place to make friends. They're more a place you go with friends you already have.

I suspect that how you believe people perceive you is all in your head. How do you know they think you're a tourist or an interloper? How do you know they're not thinking, "hmm... who's that hot guy I've never seen here before?" You're not talking to these people, so you really don't know. Let's say that they are thinking bad thoughts about you. There's no way everybody in the entire bar is doing the same. There's no sense caring what people you look down on you think anyways. You should be worried about finding the cool people you'll get along with and find interesting. They're out there and there are plenty of them.

As for A+B, that just comes with the territory of hanging out with straight people. In my experience, the gays tend to be able to figure you out. Even if they can't, they're usually not too adverse to chatting up some hot guy.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just because two people are gay doesn't mean that they have anything in common.

I agree with drhladnjak- in a major city like Melbourne, there's bound to be a social group for gay guys that you will have something in common with- there's gay runners, gay nudist, gay softball leagues, gay soccer leagues, gay polical caucuses, gay cheerleaders... plenty of choices.

P.S. I almost said, "gay rugby" but I fear that's redundant.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I'm not really trying to pick up, I'd much rather just make some friends or have a laugh like everyone else seems to. But no matter where I sit or how much I smile people just walk/look right past me.

Why is it up to THEM to come talk to you?

Lex

 

[bokan800]

Why is it up to THEM to come talk to you?

Lex

Yup. It's cliche but it's so true. If you're an introvert chances are you won't meet someone in a bar because:

a. extroverts are already having fun with other extroverts.

b. other introverts are also scared to talk to you or anyone for that matter. Who knows, people who are passing by you or staring at you are probably also curious to talk to you.

The key is getting over that fear of talking to people or fear of getting rejected/embarrassed. I'm an introvert but after a few Manhattans I turn into a grinding slut in the dance floor. (Not promoting alcohol abuse but I guess it helps a little)

 

[Blacksheep]

I went out again last night. Finally ended up chatting to someone. Unfortunately we weren't really compatible (plus he was sleazy) but still was nice to meet someone new. Thinking you guys are right and I'd be best off waiting until I'm back at Uni to try and find friends/ a partner. It seems that it's mainly the older guys who go out.

 

[Telstra]

I have no gaydar. This in itself wouldn't be a problem but either A.) I don't show up on other gay people's, or B.) I'm only attractive to straight women.

If I go anywhere attractive (and I mean attractive) women from mid teens to 40+ look at me, yet the only time guys look at me is if they're over 40 or are with their girlfriends and then it's more a 'you look nice/I like your clothes' sort of look.

Whenever I go to a gay club or somewhere filled with gay clientele people stare at me as if I'm a tourist or an interloper. Beyond that I'm ignored until I finally decide I've had enough and decide to leave after a few drinks (anywhere up to an hour). I'm not really trying to pick up, I'd much rather just make some friends or have a laugh like everyone else seems to. But no matter where I sit or how much I smile people just walk/look right past me.

I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve from the topic but I really wanted to vent. I'm just hoping things pick up when I go back to Uni in a few months.

Gay people are afraid to look at you maybe you are too attractive and they think u are straight.

 

[954dude]

You're young and good looking. Many times guys feel threatened by this. I noticed in a lot of clubs, the people who frequent do tend to be sleazy and a bit full of themselves. Best thing to do is start conversations with some people there, exchange numbers and get to know some of them, strictly platonic.