Having too narrow a type

[Dephira]

I was wondering if any of you might have any experiences with being especially attracted to a certain type of guy (speaking solely in terms of looks). For me, there is a very specific type of guy that I find myself a lot more attracted to than any of the other ones. My first boyfriend had this look (and I'm not sure now whether he influenced my later taste or solely helped me discover it). After him, I've had three more boyfriends and the next two were both completely different both in terms of looks and personalities. My last and most recent one however was again of the same type as my first one, and I found that the feelings I developed for him seemed to be a lot deeper than the ones I've had for the previous ones. Granted, I also got along really well with this last guy in terms of personality (better than with most anyone I've ever met in my life), so I can't really say that this was due solely to his looks. I am, however, trying to be a bit vigilant about my attractions and how they are informed.

In general, I think that all of us have preferences for certain types of guys, and that it's usually just fine as long as we keep an open mind. However, I'm just a little bit concerned that I will end up very focused on my type and disregard all other guys. I still find men of many different looks attractive, but if I see someone who fits this preferences of mine, I'm instantly much more attracted to him than I would be to other guys. I know that in the end, it's quite unlikely that I will end up with someone who looks exactly that way, and I'm a bit afraid that I will keep showing this "bias". I'd like to think that I haven't so far dismissed anyone because they had a different look, but i'm afraid it might happen in the future if I keep going this way. I figure that there's lots of general advice that can apply here: don't fret it too much, put yourself out there, recognize that there's a lot to guys besides the way they look, etc. But maybe there's also someone out there who has initially had a similar attraction like me and overcome it in some way?

 

[aaggii]

I think that we all have a type for whom we would put down our pants Since I was a teenager I was attracted to bears, for example. Now, a bit later, I could see myself with all types of people. I have no idea if being in a serious relationship has anything to do with it?! Just keep an open mind and don´t fall in love with someones´ looks, but with his personality! You don´t owe anything to anyone, you are free to like whatever the hell you like. No one decides who to be attracted to and who not.

That´s the cool thing about the world today: you have so much for so many, enough to please everyone

 

[cluelessdate]

I used to believe that I'm attracted to solely Asians (I had no previous dating experience with people of other races before my current SO).

When I decided to date my current SO, I only expected us to be friends as he and I'd had many email exchanges before. But after three dates, I realized I was head over hills for him. Much to my surprise, I found him to be extremely attractive, even though I had zero interests in white guys before. And now I clearly see the attractiveness in people who has some resemblance to my SO.

So my advice to you: keep your mind open and focus on the personality first. For me, the slow dating approach really worked and the built up tension made the first kiss and first sex amazing.

 

[Maklaar13]

I have only been in two relationships, one for over a year and the current one for almost 30 years. The first man was older than me by 14 years the current one, we are the same age. Both men look almost identical, both blonds almost red hair, same hairy chest pattern, their crotches and penises almost the same, well you get it!

 

[darden]

if you're single, unhappy, and constantly finding yourself uninterested in guys because they don't fit your mold, your type is probably too narrow.

there are certain physical characteristics that definitely attract me to a guy, and maybe that defines what porn I watch or who I notice first in a bar, but in real life situations, I've found that my notions of a "type" go out the window if I feel a real emotional connection with someone.

 

[Brian Smith]

Learning to be open-minded is a very difficult thing. If it's not something that comes with your skin, it can be very painful to learn to fully appreciate things that don't resonate with your expectations. It's a thing that many of us have to develop. However, I do hope that you can find a good man who just works for you. Happy hunting.

 

[youngnihilist]

What's your type?

 

[Rolyo85]

Having too narrow a type is a sign of issues. Not saying it to be offensive but it is true. What is your type exactly?

 

[Dephira]

Having too narrow a type is a sign of issues. Not saying it to be offensive but it is true. What is your type exactly?

No offense taken, I appreciate any insight offered. I left out what my type is exactly on purpose from the initial post; do you think it's important to the question?

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, it is relevant. What your type is can lead to why it's that, which will tell you why it's so narrow. Of course, there are no guarantees that anyone HERE will be able to determine that, but it definitely matters to know what type of guy YOU are and what type of guy is your narrow attraction pointed at.

 

[Dephira]

Well, it is relevant. What your type is can lead to why it's that, which will tell you why it's so narrow. Of course, there are no guarantees that anyone HERE will be able to determine that, but it definitely matters to know what type of guy YOU are and what type of guy is your narrow attraction pointed at.

Fair enough. My exact type would be Hispanic guys with facial hair and a couple of extra pounds. I like all of those three things in isolation as well, but if a guy checks all those boxes I can't resist...

Don't be afraid to be friendly with guys, even if they are outside your "type". You may find yourself falling and/or pleasantly surprised.

I'm trying to do this, and I don't think that I'm necessarily treating anyone differently because of the way they look. Im thinking that I may just have to wait until I meet another guy; I tend to think about these things a lot more while I'm single.

 

[youngnihilist]

Fair enough. My exact type would be Hispanic guys with facial hair and a couple of extra pounds. I like all of those three things in isolation as well, but if a guy checks all those boxes I can't resist...



I'm trying to do this, and I don't think that I'm necessarily treating anyone differently because of the way they look. Im thinking that I may just have to wait until I meet another guy; I tend to think about these things a lot more while I'm single.

You like Hispanic guys with facial hair and a couple extra pounds? Well, at least you didn't say blond hair blue eyed Abercrombie model which we hear so much. Your type is very realistic and common and attainable, so I don't think you have too narrow a type at all!

 

[CShields]

I do have a type. He's masculine, but a classy gentleman. He's mature and isn't amused by silly things like bathroom humor or fart jokes. He dresses well and cares about his personal hygiene. He's patient, kind, caring, empathetic, compassionate, considerate. Of course I would like him be attractive too (at the risk of sounding shallow that is). And if he has a British or Australian accent----that would be a major plus too!

...Too bad such a man doesn't exist but in my dreams and if he does exist....he's probably straight.

 

[mcbrion]

CShields, of course such a man exists! Forgive me, but just how old ARE you to come to such an astounding conclusion? Go thou out into the world, child and rid yourself of such ideas! You are holding yourself back. Is it that if you met such a guy, you think he wouldn't possibly be interested in you, and that why you conjure up the (absurd) conclusion that such a guy doesn't exist? I'm 62, and I've met many guys like that. The thing is, they're usually older.

 

[CShields]

CShields, of course such a man exists! Forgive me, but just how old ARE you to come to such an astounding conclusion? Go thou out into the world, child and rid yourself of such ideas! You are holding yourself back. Is it that if you met such a guy, you think he wouldn't possibly be interested in you, and that why you conjure up the (absurd) conclusion that such a guy doesn't exist? I'm 62, and I've met many guys like that. The thing is, they're usually older.

I'm 21...yeah I know. Silly naive little puppy who hasn't even begun to experience life or know what he's talking about and should shut up until he's at least in his 40's, right? LOL You're right though, the kind of guys I'm talking about that do exist are older...and I don't mind older men but at the risk sounding even MORE picky little brat, I'd kind of like to hook up with a guy who meets that description AND is around my age. If you've met any of the guys from my generation, you'll know that finding a guy who meets that description and is around my age will next to impossible. Not generalizing that all guys of my generation are disgusting immature pigs...just most of them are. What is it they say...you've got to kiss a few frogs before you can find Prince Charming? Meh...

 

[slowshow]

random question that sorta fits this thread: is there any such thing as high standards? Most people always tell me I have high standards but then there's also a bunch of my gay friends who do not find the guys I like attractive. They've even given me "what the fuck" looks.