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Having trouble letting my best friend, who I happen to be in love with, that I am gay

I

Icecold

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Hey guys - I am sure you recognize me, I have posted here plenty of times... I am very scared of what might happen if I let my friend know that I am gay and have very intense and deep feelings for him. I am at the point where I literally can not go half a day without hanging out with him and I feel like this whole is he gay or straight or should I do this or wait on him to do it deal is not the way that I should be doing things. He is coming over tonight, I am very seriously thinking of telling him straight up that I am attracted to both sexes. If you read my other topic, I mentioned that he does things most straight men would not do (for example, letting me sleep in the same bed as him, skinny dipping in my pool when it is just me and him, etc). I just wish this kind of stuff would not be so damn hard to go through.
 
you're pathetic, just tell him already. What kind of friendship build on lie and sadness?
 
hotb0d said:
you're pathetic, just tell him already. What kind of friendship build on lie and sadness?
Click to expand...

Poor choice of words I must say, but I happen to agree with the rest of the statement.

Ice, stop wondering what could've been and just say something. Sounds to me like he won't care about your sexual orientation, so definitely come out to him, but don't express your feelings immediately following it. I see this going one of three ways--

A) He comes out to you as well (of course, that's normally wishful thinking)

B) He says he has no problem with it as long as you know that he's straight

C) Says he has no problem with it, nothing else

If A happens, wonderful.

If B happens, sorry bud, but you'll still have that strong friendship. This will definitely be depressing at first, but at least you'll have full closure and know that you can find someone else.

If C happens, give it some time and see how he acts around you before you consider expressing your feelings.


Hope this helps :-)
 
It will be a relief once you tell him. Having secret crushes takes it's toll. Be good to yourself.
 
@catee222.
I think it was a good choice of words. Most people always take the nice/sympathetic approach. For me, I'll just take the tough love approach. Consider it the yin to your yang. We don't know what type of person Icecold is so we can't predict the personality and which approach works best for him, at least with my comment and yours, we covered all the bases.
 
hotb0d said:
@catee222.
I think it was a good choice of words. Most people always take the nice/sympathetic approach. For me, I'll just take the tough love approach. Consider it the yin to your yang. We don't know what type of person Icecold is so we can't predict the personality and which approach works best for him, at least with my comment and yours, we covered all the bases.
Click to expand...

Lol...the good cop, bad cop routine! But still...pathetic did sound a bit harsh!:cool:
 
I just wish this kind of stuff would not be so damn hard to go through.
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Well hon, you're the only one who is making it so damn hard.

So you're the one who could change it in a heartbeat.

We can't. Although if you give us his email address or facebook page , one of us will gladly tell him that you're a homo and have the hots for him.

I think you don't want to tell him, because if he's straight and just laughs it off or stops doing homo things with you, the illusion and possibilities are shattered. And you don't want that. You just want to live in hope that he will one day say to you 'I'm a homosexual and want to be with only you for the rest of my life'.

So.

Man up. If he is your friend, you need to be honest with him.

If you lose his friendship, better that than living in sterile hope with blue balls all the time.

And at least maybe you could get on with finding a real boyfriend.
 
I know you guys are right, I just have to be straight up with everything I say and do with him... I apologize for putting up so many threads concerning this, this is just my first true love and I am sure you all have had a horrible experience falling in love with a best friend.
 
you're welcome :) I hope you like it rough.
 
Wait a minute. Back up:

Icecold said:
...he does things most straight men would not do (for example, letting me sleep in the same bed as him, skinny dipping in my pool when it is just me and him, etc). I just wish this kind of stuff would not be so damn hard to go through.
Click to expand...

This should be an indication of how he feels for you, I think he wants to be more than your friend. Tell him how you feel because I think (based on what you wrote) he feels the same way about you. I think it's safe to say he's not straight.

You don't need to tell him you're in love with him if that may make you uncomfortable, just tell him you really like him. You're body language will get the point across if your words can't.

If he won't reciprocate it's and be truthful with himself it's time to find someone who will. Life is too short for playing closet games.
 
Icecold said:
I know you guys are right, I just have to be straight up with everything I say and do with him... I apologize for putting up so many threads concerning this, this is just my first true love and I am sure you all have had a horrible experience falling in love with a best friend.
Click to expand...

Yup, my experience blew more than a bukkake... but confessing everything has somewhat helped me move on so far. It will definitely take time to get over him in a romantic/sexual way if he doesn't reciprocate; however, hopefully in the long run, you'll realize he's better off as a friend and that you'll really appreciate the friendship.


...of course this is assuming that he's straight (or just not into you)
 
Once again,

Don't 'test the waters' by saying you like both sexes if you really just like one. If you really are bisexual, say it, but don't use that as a cover-up to hide Teh Gay.

Secondly, you need to come out to him first somehow. Don't share your romantic feelings yet, a lot of these urges are stemming from you still being in the closet. Come out to him, and see how he deals with THAT and THEN wait to tell him about the feelings. A lot of closet cases will take any sliver of male affection as love and romance because they are starving for some of their own.

I doubt you're in love with him. I just think because of closet issues, gay men will call their crushes as love, when they are really crushes- and we sadly don't know the difference because of the extra bullshit we have to put up with in a world that's mostly straight. And so, the more work you do on coming out of the closet, the more you will be able to sort out your own feelings between this person and what is real vs. what is an illusion.

If he's an abusive straight guy and hates gays, and you still love him- and if that 'excites you' instead of 'terrifies you' then, well I hate to judge you, but you have some deep internalized homophobia issues there and well....that's the type of thing that gets Matthew Shepherd killed really. But he sounds like a cool guy and I hope you two can work everything out.
 
If you are really friends, your friendship will survive this test with flying colors. So the question is not if you should come out to him, but that you do it in a sensible and thoughtful way. This is the kind of conversation that lends itself to a private shared meal at his place or yours.

Tell him clearly how important and full this friendship is for you. Give him tons of obvious examples of what it has been like. Then tell him you are attracted to him as a friend with whom you might share your whole life. Yes, tell him you are sexually attracted to him. No need for labels.

Enjoy his response, and do not be surprised if you wind up in each other's arms and in bed together, so do be prepared.

Open up and own the friendship.
Shep+(*8*):kiss::sex:*|*:rolleyes::wave:
 
I really appreciate all of the advice and encouragement that have been given to me over the past few months on here, and I plan on following your advice and letting him know that I am at the very least attracted to men sexually, I have already come out to one of my close girl friends, and she was completely cool with it. she is bisexual herself, her suggestion is probably what I will do - she thinks I should ease it in to the conversation, in a way to make him feel comfortable with it. If he acts uninterested , at least I will know. and if he drops our friendship, screw him I dont need a friend like that anyways. Haha thanks everyone!
 
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