He finally made some admissions

[diane06]

Actually he had no choice.....such a long story.

He pleaded guilty, spent a few days in jail like the rest of the guys who go looking for sex partners in the woods (not sure why they do this)

He started counseling for his exhibitionism and other related problems. He is going back next week and then the week after I was going to go in too. Because yeah I am so fucked up in my head over all this....now even more so.

But while he was in jail I called and made an appointment to see the cop who arrested him for the following week. I believe him when he told me he didn't ever have sex with any of those guys, but I swore I'd never ignore that gnawing in the back of my brain again so I went yesterday to the appointment. It was kind of a long drive, and I was so nervous that I'd find out something I didn't want to find out. The cop was so nice, I ask him if many wives come to see him, he said no, but many do call. I told him what my husband had told me and he gently told me that he wasn't being completely honest with me. I ask him if I could see the video. I knew he was telling me the truth but I also knew that my heart wanted to believe my husband. The cop told me it was graphic and would be hard to watch, I told him that I really, really needed to see it. So I did.

I cried all the way home, to find out that my whole marriage had been a lie......I can't tell you how devastated I am. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. This has been going on for nearly the entire marriage. He swears he still loves me, this I don't understand.......how can he say this if he wants to be with men and has been with men during our marriage? I don't have what he wants, why does he ..........damn I feel so alone now. I have no one, no one I can talk to about this. Oh yeah I could go see the shrink and listen to him tell me that my husband does indeed love me and that he can be cured. You all here know that there isn't a cure for what he has.
I understand when someone is gay, and I understand when someone is straight, I don't understand being bi.
I don't know what to do now. I made my appoint to be checked for HIv and all the others. God I hate him. He left a note on the coffee pot this morning just to tell me that he really does love me no matter what. How fucked up is that? It only made me cry until I was ready to puke. Just as I got myself undercontrol 20 minutes later he calls from work to check on me.
I so sorry for the venting here. I just have no one to talk to.

 

[hothead]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can work things out for whatever is best for both of you. I'll certainly keep you in my thoughts.

 

[backpacker]

Diane, I'm sorry this continues to cause you so much pain. I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing. You don't deserve this and I'm so sorry this seems to be getting dragged out one piece of information at a time.

I'm sure that your husband does love you, but I think his definition of love is a little out of whack. Counseling may help your husband accept and deal with his issues, but I don't think it going to change the underlying issue. I know you love your husband, but I think it may be time for you to be a little selfish. It's OK for you not to burden yourself with his problems. Start considering what's best for you, regardless of how it impacts him. Once you figure that out, then you can consider the impact on him prior to making any final decisions. The point of doing the exercise is to open up your realm of thinking and bring clarity to your situation.

I'm also glad you are going to attend counselling. It's always good to have somebody to talk to face-to-face. If there are issues you prefer to discuss in private, please feel free to PM me. I'll do my best to try to help.

As I have said before, none of this is your fault. This is about issues your husband had long before he met you and you are an unfortunate victim in all this. Feel free to lean on all of us here at JUB. We want to help in anyway we can.

 

[Lube]

He probably does love you. He just feels forced by society to 'conform'. Unfortunately, you are a victim of that.

Unfortunately, he didn't respect you enough to step out of the marriage before having sex with men. (I respected my ex-wife enough to ask for a divorce before ever having sex with a man.)

It's not your fault at all. You do need someone to talk to in person, though. JUB can help a little bit, and we'd all love to try, but you need a real live person. Good luck.

 

[G-Lexington]

The thin silver lining to your really dark cloud is that you now know. You know what he was doing, and you probably know it was a regular thing. And so now the question is - now what?

Good for you for scheduling the HIV testing. That's one thing you'll want to put to bed, so you can focus on the rest of your issues.

You have every right to feel betrayed. He not only lied to you (for presumably some time), but even when he got caught, he continued to lie. It may have been to spare your feelings, or for damage control, but still, the lies continued. So it's going to be hard for you to trust him again. And I may be wrong, but it seems like he's (somewhat) pressuring you. To make sure you tell him it's OK, you're still in his corner...even if you're not sure you are.

Take your time with it. You have every right to say to him, "This thing has hit me really hard, and I'm still not sure where I stand with it. I need time to decide how exactly I feel about everything." If he does continue the pressure, tell him to back off - that you need time and space to sort all this out.

Which brings us back to counseling. Now is definitely the time. If you don't know where to find one, you might try the policeman - he probably knows of a couple, probably ones who have dealt with this sort of situation before. Apparently, the legal stuff has been handled, so now it's time to work on the emotional wreckage. You're going to need help putting your life back together, and that's what these people do.

Good luck, diane.

Lex

 

[timnmostud]

I haven't followed every detail of this, but I have seen some of your posts. You do both need counseling, I would say. You will need to be able to sort all of this out and be able to move forward, no matter what that is to you. Your world is different now, no matter how you got there. Of course you are angry and hurt and have every right to feel those emotios. That is hard and I really feel for you. It must be a shock that I really can't imagine. I hope you are able to get better. At least now you are knowing the truth, as painful as it is.

As for your husband. I hope that the counseling he is able to get is effective. He owes you an explanation and apology for his actions and betrayal. I do not in any way believe though that there is any counseling that can change WHO he is. Obviously, he has a sexual attraction to men. That can not be changed. I have known many who have tried and not one that it has worked.

I hope that both of you can come to grips with that in a way that makes you happy in the end. Most likely, you are looking at something that will take a lot of work and time. I wish you all the best! Let us know how it's going, if you will.

 

[diane06]

I only have a moment for a quick reply but I want to come back tomorrow and post more.
The reason for the quick reply tonight is I just wanted to say that everytime I come here to post I wonder if you guys will tell me to buck up and stop the whining, but each time you offer such good advice and warm, kind responses; I want you all to know it helps a lot. And if I were to see you in person I'd give ya all a big ole kiss,,,,,,even if I am a girl!
hugs,
Diane

 

[backpacker]

I'm so glad that our support is helping and if I were to see you in person I would give you a great big hug.

 

[G-Lexington]

Girl kisses are fine. As long as they don't lead anywhere... Best of luck to you!

Lex

 

[mac_twck]

I really feel for you.

I must say this does not sound like a gay or straight issue. He cheated on you, does it really matter who with? A person who cheats always says they love their spouse.....and I think they do in their own way but not in the way that should matter.

I know, I am a straight woman whose hubby cheated.....with another woman sure but the feeling of betrayal are the same. If you want to chat some more PM me and I will lend an ear...and a shoulder to cry on.

Unfortunately, no matter what he says or how he explains the way you feel will only get better when you are ready for them too. You may NEVER understand why he did this and that's ok....and you will be too.

Mac

 

[rareboy]

Well......

I'm not saying he doesn't love you, but whereas I had earlier seen him as struggling to come to terms with a supressed sexuality, I now see him in a much different light.

You have more than a little reason to be angry; you have the right to kick his ass out of your house to the curb. While his cheating may be as pathological as his lying to you over the years, there is simply no excuse. None. Don't accept the bisexual crap either. If he wants to behave correctly, he'll move out without being asked.

The fact is he has betrayed the fundamental principles of your marriage and relationship even as friends. I don't think this can be ever put back to rights. There's no reason that you should have to live with this guy with this in between you for the rest of your days.

Absolutely get a good therapist and a good lawyer. Spend as much time as you can with the therapist and as little as absolutely necessary with the lawyer.

Do not let this destroy your life. You and any other woman in your position are better than all this and it sounds as though you are quite strong enough to survive. Coming to a gay posting board for information and support is a good indication of guts.

 

[diane06]

I tried to post the other day but I lost the entire post. I was so pissed off since it was rather long. I hope someone might read this and be able to understand what is going on in his head. Below is a timeline of his life, that I know about. Keep in mind that these are fact that he has chosen to give me. Is there more? I just don’t know. I ask him since he wasn’t completely honest with me before what would he have done if I insisted on the polygraph test. He said he would have told the entire truth before he did it because he knew he’d have to. Anyway, please read below.

Timeline
• His dad was a abusive drunk who beat his wife and beat his kids if they didn’t do well in sports. Once he beat my husband for only coming in second place at the state level.
• In jr high school once he stopped at his grandma’s house but she wasn’t home. He started to snoop through her clothing drawer, ended up trying on a bra and panty hose. Grandma walks in and catches him, admonishes him for doing it. He said he liked the way he felt in her underwear. (I don’t understand this, but……)
• He felt “different” some how from other boys but didn’t understand why.
• Played football, baseball, basketball, track, cross country and excelled in all sports. But secretly was afraid to play the rough sport of football.
• In his early twenties he moved to California (big city) and visited porn bookstores frequently, one time in a quarter booth he was watching porn and was assaulted by a guy who forced himself on him in the booth. He said that he didn’t like it and it hurt him. (Was this really forced or is that only what he admits to himself?)
• Later he visited a few gay bars, ended up going home with a guy he met there. Had a few drink and when the guy tried kissing him he back away and said he couldn’t go through with it. (Is this true?)
• Moved back to small town USA and got married, had a child, started cruising the state parks while drinking and smoking dope and taking pills. Met a man in the woods who was in the process of transgender. This guy/girl(?) was laying out in the woods in the nude. Nothing happened but they talked for a long time. He went back but never saw this guy again, but did meet many other gay guys. This is where he says he started the masturbation in front of other guys, but would never allow them to touch him.
• Divorced
• Met and moved in with another woman for another eight years. Still cruised the parks.
• Separated from her.
• Got off drugs and booze and met and married me.
• Secretly started smoking dope again about three years after we married, started cruising again about a year later.
• Several years later admits to doing oral on a guy he met out there. Said he didn’t like it and actually vomited afterwards.
• Spent another two years just masturbating out there, most of the time alone but sometime in front of other guys. Admits to liking them wanting him.
When I saw the video the cops had he told them he liked anal and giving oral. When I told him I saw that video he said that he told them that to try to determine if they were cops or not. He said if they exposed themselves to get oral then he’d know they were not cops, and he said that he told them he liked anal but insisted on a condom and he rarely saw any of them with condoms. In the video he was to receive oral. I told him I saw this and he said that he did that all the time, teased them, that he’d back out at the last minute and then masturbate. He said he was a sick person and didn’t understand why he kept doing that shit. He also said that he talked to a lot of them and told them he didn’t understand why he kept doing that when he had a beautiful wife at home that never turns him down for sex and that he had a great sex life with her. He said the guys always told him no, you are not sick when he said he was.
I ask him why he didn’t tell me the rest of it, how far it really went, when he admitted everything else, why didn’t he tell me he did the oral on that guy. He said that he had hurt me so much already that he didn’t see the point in telling me that. He knew I already felt betrayed and hurt enough.
So there you have it. Do I think he really loves me in his own way? Yes I guess he does. He said he was willing to wait for years if that’s what it takes for me to be ready to except him in bed again. He said that he would go without sex etc. But I ask, if I wasn’t enough when we was having sex, how could it be enough without it? He says all his desire to cruise out there is gone, probably from all the embarrassment and humiliation. I think that whatever it was that was driving him, the compulsion, I think it will come back once things settle down and time passes. The cross dressing, exhibitionism, gay curiousness. That stuff just doesn’t just disappear. He think with the therapy it might but I don’t think so. So what would stop him from doing it again?
And if he does learn to control will I ever truly be able to stop thinking about it? Yes someone said it right, its not about him with other men/man, its about betrayal, no matter what the sex. To be honest I can’t believe I am even still with him, in my first marriage I dumped him for cheating right away. I am beginning to think something is wrong with me, why can’t my husbands be faithful to me? Am I that bad? He told me how much he loves me, how I treated and took care of him so much better than anyone else, told me all the good things about me, but still he roamed for years, searching for something. To find out who he really was, etc?
I think about all the years he was the sport jock, is that because of what his father and other boys expected from him so he did it to conform? Did he keep it a secret all these years because he really was confused and moving into the gay lifestyle in small town USA would not be the easiest thing, especially back when he was young.
He has lied to me for years! I feel like our whole marriage was a lie. But I can see the genuine grief he has for what he did. Some days I can’t do nothing but cry, other days I guess I just shut down because I just feel numb.
Sorry this is so long. Maybe the therapist can make heads or tails from his timeline. I told my husband that he as to be completely honest in order for it to help.
Thanks and hugs to you all,
Diane06

 

[rareboy]

Diane, Diane , Diane....

Humans are certainly the most complicated creatures, if not the most endearing.

You can be gay and a jock. You can be bisexual. You can be a pre-op transexual. You can be a thousand different things, but what you can't be is dishonest. The truth will out.

I'm not saying that his own self-hatred and social conditioning has not had a huge part to play in his repression of his true sexuality. It may even explain the drugs and the lying.

What it won't do is make the fundamental problem go away. He is not going to stop looking for guys and if he does, he's going to only become more overworught and unhappy and it will become the everyday pattern of your relationship together. He thinks he's sick, that gay is a sickness and in fact he's using that rationale to shield himself from the responsibility for his actions. It is an addict's refuge.

Sorry, but I think this chapter of your lives has come to a logical conclusion and I really do think you need to make a decision. Can you share him with the guys he's going to continue to meet for furtive, illicit and likely exciting encounters? If you want him around for other resons, then sit down with a therapist and make this commitment. If you think that it isn't going to work, then you both need to recognize it is

I am beginning to think something is wrong with me, why can’t my husbands be faithful to me? Am I that bad? He told me how much he loves me, how I treated and took care of him so much better than anyone else, told me all the good things about me, but still he roamed for years, searching for something.

This is llikely a load of hooey. The difficulty is not with you, but with him. He may actually love you as you say, but his wiring is telling him he needs to have sex with men.

I think he is unfortuanately typaical of many men who are so conditioned that being homosexual is morally wrong that they straitjacket themselves any way they can, knowingly or unknowingly using and hurting many people along the way. I am lucky, I was always gay and have had the same partner for 25 years...during which time neither of us has ever strayed...although we enjoy the flirting and fantasy.

I'm not sure your husband is a bad person, but even in the tale you tell, there is an awful lot of trying to weasel out and rationalize and minimize and blame other people and circumstances. I think he may be missing some moral fibre and maybe the first thing is for him to make an honest admission that he's just a lying sack of shit and then go from there.

As I said, get yourself a good gay-friendly therapist to help you understand that while you have been victimized, you don't have to be a victim, or his doormat, or his salvation or anything. At this point, the only obligation you have is to figure out what is the best thing for you. It might involve him in some way and it might not.

Keep breathing and just force yourself to find something to smile about; something that gives you pleasure and a quiet refuge from this emotional maelstrom.

 

[luminum]

Okay Diane...I feel for you.

So this is just my opinion and it may be rough, but I think it's pretty clear to me:

You're beating a dead horse. Regardless of whether or not he liked or didn't like his gay encounters, he keeps having them. Perhaps the first was in fact forced on him, but ever since, he's been out there cruising for sex...and none of his previous heterosexual relationships have quelled the urge. If your husband isn't gay, then the homosexual aspect of his bisexuality is strong, perhaps stronger than his heterosexual urges.

He loves you. He'll probably always love you and he may only continue to lie to you about just where he actually is in his sexual needs out of fear for further hurting you. If he is in fact still holding information from you, it's probably because he doesn't see that a clean break is easier than drawing out the tear.

It's not you. It's him. He has sexual needs that you can't fulfill and, quite frankly, could never be expected to fulfill because you are a woman. You fulfill part of what he needs sexually and fulfill all of what he needs emotionally. You are not "bad" or making any mistakes in your relationship. A dog can't be expected to be a cat and a cat cannot be expected to be a dog.

My advice is to do the hard but necessary thing. End it. You need to end it because he never will. He will ignore and repress his sexual needs and desires out of hope that what the two of you had can continue, that what he had can be his again. It can't. Only when you move on will he be free to pick up his life and figure out where he needs to be. And you need to move on because you deserve more than delusions and being strung along.

You can still be friends, friends who shared that deep emotional care for one another, but he is unfit to be the man you need and you are obviously not what he needs. It's pretty clear by what he has told you that this is no small sexual kink that can be expressed through diversion. It's a deluge and the dam is leaking.

It's not too late for you to find the love you deserve and it's not to late for him to confront the truth about himself and get to a holistic place where he's not sneaking out and cruising and crossing people he loves. What the two of you had is over. Break it off, make a clean start.

It may hurt him, but it's what he needs. And it may hurt you to give up on what you had, but you know it's over. You know he can't change this about himself. You deserve more than to spend the rest of your lives being chained down by this while peace and equilibrium pass the two of you by.

You can't take much more of this and he's just continuing to delude himself. Ending it will make you and him free.

 

[trawler69]

Diane

I don't know if this will help or not. It is the truth and can probably be found by trawling my posts.

I live with my ex. We love each other very much but we found that we were sexually incompatible. He is into bondage and rubber and I am not, so I couldn't do it for him. He went elsewhere to fulfill his needs and at first I found it hard and was jealous. I didn't want to throw away the years we had known each other, he was still the same guy and we still had so much in common. So we talked, we explained, we rationalised and the result is that we still love each other, still live together but respect our differences.

Just because our minds wander doesn't mean our deeper feelings do as well.

 

[JackFTwist]

this is about as wise a post as there ever was

Okay Diane...I feel for you.

So this is just my opinion and it may be rough, but I think it's pretty clear to me:

You're beating a dead horse. Regardless of whether or not he liked or didn't like his gay encounters, he keeps having them. Perhaps the first was in fact forced on him, but ever since, he's been out there cruising for sex...and none of his previous heterosexual relationships have quelled the urge. If your husband isn't gay, then the homosexual aspect of his bisexuality is strong, perhaps stronger than his heterosexual urges.

He loves you. He'll probably always love you and he may only continue to lie to you about just where he actually is in his sexual needs out of fear for further hurting you. If he is in fact still holding information from you, it's probably because he doesn't see that a clean break is easier than drawing out the tear.

It's not you. It's him. He has sexual needs that you can't fulfill and, quite frankly, could never be expected to fulfill because you are a woman. You fulfill part of what he needs sexually and fulfill all of what he needs emotionally. You are not "bad" or making any mistakes in your relationship. A dog can't be expected to be a cat and a cat cannot be expected to be a dog.

My advice is to do the hard but necessary thing. End it. You need to end it because he never will. He will ignore and repress his sexual needs and desires out of hope that what the two of you had can continue, that what he had can be his again. It can't. Only when you move on will he be free to pick up his life and figure out where he needs to be. And you need to move on because you deserve more than delusions and being strung along.

You can still be friends, friends who shared that deep emotional care for one another, but he is unfit to be the man you need and you are obviously not what he needs. It's pretty clear by what he has told you that this is no small sexual kink that can be expressed through diversion. It's a deluge and the dam is leaking.

It's not too late for you to find the love you deserve and it's not to late for him to confront the truth about himself and get to a holistic place where he's not sneaking out and cruising and crossing people he loves. What the two of you had is over. Break it off, make a clean start.

It may hurt him, but it's what he needs. And it may hurt you to give up on what you had, but you know it's over. You know he can't change this about himself. You deserve more than to spend the rest of your lives being chained down by this while peace and equilibrium pass the two of you by.

You can't take much more of this and he's just continuing to delude himself. Ending it will make you and him free.

 

[diane06]

God, I don't even know where to start. Last night brought on a whole new set of confessions, God only knows what else there is to tell. He swears he hasn't endangered me because he made the guy use a condom when he tried the anal again and he said it was way before he met me. He also admitted to getting bj's.

We talked for a long time and it was pretty clear that he is bi. He ask me if I thought he was gay and I said, that I thought he was bi and that if had stayed in California instead of coming back here, he would probably be with men. He said but I love women, whenever I was single, even in CA I went for women. wtf.....I don't know. I am tired.

The funny thing is, all these years I thought I was so open minded about the gay issues, I even said he didn't look or act like he was gay in anyway. Why did I think I could tell what any gay looked or acted like?
There is a guy that runs a video store not far from here. He is obviously gay and Gary always referred to him as a pansy. I am the one that didn't like him calling that guy that! I ask him last night how he could do that, all things considered. He said that it was just another part of the hiding what he was.

I told him if I decide to divorce that I would never out him, that what happened would not be made public by me.

Rareboy, you said somethings that I truly understand now. I don't see how I was so blind and foolish before, and I am sorry if I ignorantly spoke of what gays were or were not. And yes I think while he probably does have that addictive gene it is only made worse by his hiding from the world and even himself to a certain degree who he really is. It seems its been a vicious circle for him. But at the same time he still begs me not to leave him.
And yes he does think he is sick. He thinks he'll burn in hell (raised in the church)
Can I live with him and share him. No, I know that I cannot. HIV is not something I am willing to risk. We talked about him staying here but us not actually living as a couple and he didn't like that idea but said he'd do it in hopes that someday we would reunite. But to be truthful I am not sure I can live with him and not end up sharing his bed. God I just don't know what to do.

No, he isn't a bad person and no he doesn't hardly own up to his actions, you see he'd have to admit it to himself first. He came close to it last night but still said he has always loved women , wants me, blah, blah, blah...........

I ask him if he told the therapist the whole truth yet and he said no, in part because of the time issue and in part because it is hard for him to say. He reminded me that its taken him three weeks to admit all this to me.

Just blabbing away here........sorry....but I was think also, even if I do leave him, he will never get with a guy around here. He is in a job he's had for years so I can't see him moving away. He said last night, "you could destroy me with what you know". That statement alone says pretty much to me that he'd never be able to come to terms with people knowing and him living a different lifestyle.

I know I can't change him, I think, that I know that more than he knows it. He says by hurting me and everything else that happened that it changed something inside him that he doesn't even want to go back to what he was doing, but I think he is wrong. I think those desires will come back.

I've said it before. I understand being straight, and gay, but I don't understand those who are bi. I guess that really ups the choices out there doesn't it? lol

And yes I know it wasn't me. I just sometimes go have a pity party for myself and blame myself for not being good enough, pretty enough.....ya know, whatever. I understand this is something else entirely.

I also told him if I divorce him it is not because he is bi or gay, but because he was unfaithful.

Thanks to you ALL, I'll not try to name names because I would leave someone out. All comments and thoughts meant a lot to me and even though I don't want to hear some of them I guess it was good that I did.

 

[G-Lexington]

The statement "you could destroy me with what you know" is one that really doesn't sit well with me. Add into that the fact that you felt the need to say that if you get divorced, you wouldn't divulge what had happened. Those two actions seem to indicate that one of the TRUE problems, at least as for as HE is concerned, isn't that he's "sick", isn't that he's gay, and isn't even that he's been living a lie and dragging you through it for years.

To him, it seems like the major issue is that HIS life (professional and societal) may be at risk. He's already pretty well destroyed yours, but he seems more concerned with salvaging his own. This ain't right. I hope I'm reading all that wrong.

Since some of us are starting to lean towards the "break away" side of the equation. So I guess that's something that needs to be looked at. Are you gainfully employed? Can you handle moving away? Do you think you can start over again?



Lex

 

[screwnutty]

Hi Diane06.

Wow. What a horrible long adventure your husband has dragged you through. I don't know what to say honestly. I wish I could say that this is a unique story and that I've never heard of such crimes committed in a marriage.... BUT that's not true. Your story is just one of a million out there. I think even Opera did a special on it on one of her shows. I have friends who family members have married and then left later in life because they couldn't take the lies or were "discovered" by their spouse that they were cheating on them with a member of the same sex. There should be support groups on the net that you should check out too for some help and of course talk to the thearpist too. He/She should be able to guide you to some help. We all giving you good advice but what you really need is somebody there in the same room as you that has gone through the same thing.

Okay now for some hard facts.....

1. Yes when he tells you he loves you, I think he means it. He's been nice to you all these years except for the lies right? The word love can mean alot of different things in life but I truly believe that you can love your partner just as much as a best friend that you've had since grade three. However the sexual aspect of love plays a major role with your partner....were as friend it's something different....cause there no sex involved. I don't know if this makes any sense at all to you or anybody on here.

2. He needs to wake up. He needs to stop lying to himself and you. He needs to spend sometime alone by himself. He has some serious thinking to do. Is he Gay? This is what he needs to ask himself. But he needs to do it on a deep inter level with himself. He needs to forget about what society says about it, what negative aspects he learned about it need to be forgotten too. He needs to just sit in a dark room and think. He needs to be totally honest with himself.....otherwise I'm afraid that he just going to keep repeating the horrible aspects of his life over and over again with another woman, if you decide to leave him. It's hard....waking up one morning and looking at yourself in the mirror and saying out loud to yourself..."I'm Gay!" When a guy does this one of three things happens.......

a) He/She takes their life. Sad. But they don't want to be gay, they have nobody to talk to about it and they think they are all alone. It's sad, it's getting better cause there's more help out there now and thanks to the sacrifices of those gay guys and girls before my time....advancements have been made for the greater good. Making it easier for youth to come out earlier.

b) We accept it and go through the stages of coming out.

c) this is the saddest option that happens. Basically these ones become like your husband. Their lost souls. They try to hard to fight against what they think is wrong (gay = darkness, evil, immoral, god hates me etc.) They do whatever they need to do in order to deny themselves. Religion camps that convert gays, marrying women (or men if there girls) thinking that this will "cure" them. Basically watch X-men 3 to find out more about this group....the whole sub story involving the "cure" that makes mutants into normal humans. There is no cure. There is no magical wand that can be waved over your head. There is no scripture that can make you straight.

Well I forgotten some of my other points cause this is starting to drag on too long but I guess I live you with this small advice.

For you: You deserve somebody who loves you, care for you and who will not lie to you and will be faithful to you. Somebody who wants to spend the rest of there life with.....no using you for cover to some phony life they think they are living!

For him: (a quote from a good movie called Sommersturm (aka Summer Storm) )
"But if you keep hiding forever, one day you might lose yourself completely."


Good luck to you Diane06

 

[luminum]

The guy cares more about his livelihood than he cares about being comfortable with himself or about you.

Divorce him. You deserve better.