He knows I'm bi and knows I like him...

[DualPurpose]

I have this friend, who used be my best friend, at college. We were always very touchy-feely and we always spent alone time together.

I was convinced that he was gay—at least not 100 per cent straight.

Fast forward a few months, I told him I was bi. He thought it was a phase at first, but when I assured him it wasn't, he was initially quite supportive and nothing seemed to change.

Me, him, and a few friends decided to go to a disco together. He text me the night before to see if I wanted to out to dinner with him before hand. He said not to tell the others because they would think we were gay. He said it was 'a date', and then said he was joking. It turned out he wasn't very nice to me the next day so I cancelled. We talked before the disco and he understood that he was mean and apologised. He kissed several girls at the disco.

Anyway, later on in the year, it ended up that he became more friendly with someone else and ended up not being very nice to me. We drifted apart.

Come exam time at the end of the year, he started being nice to me, and one day he asked if I wanted to find somewhere quiet to study with him. He, suggestively, suggested that we could be 'alone together'.

I struck it down because I was focused on doing my own studying and was annoyed that he decided suddenly to be nice to me again.

In the new school year, he would often stop me around campus and talk to me about random things. I added him as a friend on Facebook.

One night, I decided to chat with him and he asked if I wanted to kiss him. I presumed he was joking and proceeded to ask if he was serious. He then asked if it was a yes, and I said that 'you know I would'. I then told him that if it was a prank, it wasn't funny because people commit suicide over these things. He then told me he was joking. I jokingly said 'I was going to kill myself now' and he signed off.

He didn't respond to follow-up messages and it turned out he was with friends when that happened.

A few weeks later, he removed me as a friend on Facebook.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I got my friend to tell him that I really like him. My friend said he looked kind of shocked and a bit upset, and he then said that 'he was going to kill himself now' (in reference to my earlier comment). He didn't say anything more and walked away. My friend was worried that he was going to tell other people since people saw my friend talking my crush. It turned out that he said that 'someone fancied him', but never said it was me, indicating that it was a girl. Thank God.

Anyway, he hasn't approached me since. It feels like we're ignoring each other, and he seems afraid to look directly at me during the classes/tutorials we have together. But then again, it doesn't seem malicious. I also re-added him on Facebook, but he clicked 'not now'.

I know I need to talk to him to get it over with. My heart and head are telling me that he's not gay, but I'm afraid to be wrong in case I miss something. There's also another part that's telling me he just wants to be normal and is afraid of being gay. He does kiss girls all the time, but being 18, he's never had a relationship with one.

I know it's probably a bad idea, but I feel if I could get him alone I could maybe get him to leave me give him a blowjob and maybe a quick fuck. As in if I came on to him, I don't think he would resist very strongly.

But I'm petrified of being alone with him and don't know how to approach him. I know that's what I need to do.

I know I'm being childish, but I do need your advice.

Thanks,
DP.

 

[CHUCK905]

DP:
Gay, Straight or Anywhere in between, if he really is as you describe him he sounds like a Class A Douche the way he treats you. Why do you want to have anything to do with him, I cannot see. He's not even a good friend. What am I missing here?
c.

 

[Scottyboi]

Who cares what he is, the guy sounds like a douchebag and I would move on and make better friends

 

[Anders123]

It seems entirely possible that he is, as was said above, a Class A Douche.

However, it's also possible that he's confused but feels pressured to hide who is, as I'm sure a lot of people here can understand. In the past I've been a real dick to girls, and to be honest, I don't know why I did it, as nobody would have thought I was gay if I wasn't interested.

In any case, it's no fun to have a crush and to have the other person jerk you around like that. Even if he is gay, or bi, he doesn't seem ready to accept or act out on those feelings. Even though it may be difficult, I would suggest doing your best to not get too invested in the situation, and try to take steps towards 'moving on'.

I think what the above posters seem to be missing is that we can't always control our feelings, but in some cases, we can take positive steps so that they don't control us.

Good luck.

 

[anchihiro]

He might have a small excuse of being secretly gay/bi and not come to terms with it yet. That can make you act in a stupid irrational way. Or he could actually just be straight.

Either way he's got you hooked very easily onto something thats never going to happen or hes not ready to give.
Best thing to do is ignore him, delete him from all aspects of your life that you can.
Trust me there are guys out there that wont play you like this, including closeted ones. You can do better.

And if down the road it turns out he was in the closet, he'll regret treating you the way he did. Maybe then you can have a dialogue, but let him do the chasing because thats what he deserves.

 

[texan_slant]

Seriously, it sounds like he is a wast of time.
He knows that you're bi, so the ball is in his court.

Your whole thread sounded like drama; I would never have friends like that, cuz I'd drop em.

 

[paatreides]

Ah, college days bullshit... I don't miss it at all.

The guy needs to do some maturing. But, to be fair, so do you. Suicide is not something you toss out like that, even in - maybe that should be "especially" - in jest.

It hurts to have what one considered a very good friend desert you. It appears this is what he's done. To pine for the lost relationship for a short while is normal. But eventually, wounds scab over and turn to scar.

Here's something I've used in my own life:

Some people come into your life for a reason; they may stay for only a season. Take what they have to give, give them what you can. The reason for the relationship may not be immediately obvious; it's time, and maybe distance, that makes its purpose clear.