He said he's straight but...

[Grey_Sky]

Me, a girlfriend and a gay friend went to this club last saturday and as we discussed about getting in or not a guy came to us and asked if we knew how things worked in there, because he was straight and was trying to find a friend who was suposedly inside, but he was affraid to get in. We told him that it was ok, that no one was going to attack him (not without his consent at least, lol) and offered to go inside with him until he could find his friend. He accepted.

Once inside we discovered that his friend was not there and that in fact, this friend was also a friend of mine and that he actually remembered me from a party we both went a few months ago (I didn't remember him at all).

He was very nice and cute and me and my friends chatted with him all night. When the night was almost over my girl friend said that I should try to hook up with him, because she tought he was into me somehow. I wasn't sure, but agreed, and so we planned a way for me to go away with him, in his car. He accepted also, without any problem but during the way I was too nervous to make any move and so he left me at home and we only exchanged phones and messengers adresses.

The other day I gathered all my courage, afterall he said he was straight and never really made any move on me, and messaged him through MSN. He answered and we ended up talking for 6 hours, non-stop!! He told me a lot of things about his life, his exgirlfriend whom he loved, about being affraid that his father would discover he had went to a gay club, and asked me about my relationships with other guys and details about my life. Also he said that when he returns (he goes to college in a town 2 hours away from here) he wants to go out with us again. It was a really, really nice conversation. But now I'm in doubt... could he really be interested in something and just affraid to come out? Or is him just the nicest straight guy that ever was and I'm here fooling myself?!

If anything else happends and we meet again when he returns in 2 weeks, what should I do? Just keep cool and try to be friends with him and risk loosing a chance with him because he's too affraid to make the first move? Or should I make the first move and risk loosing his frienship if he gets scared?!

HELP!!

 

[spiralgary]

I think you need more time to get to know him. Only time will tell what are his true intentions

 

[Orlandude]

^^^^ I agree...give it some time. For starters, see how he feels when he comes back in 2 weeks.

 

[hokidoki]

That sounds like a problem I've been dealing with for a year now. I'm really head over heels for this guy. We've pretty much bonded like no other. All my friends think he's gay for me but I'm the only one who doesn't know.

Right now I'm stuck in a predicament but It sounds like you should pursue the situation. Since you haven't gotten in too deep yet, taking the plunge is not such a big risk. Worse comes to worse you won't see him again if he becomes uncomfortable and if it works out, you'll have a great guy by your side.

I say go for it

 

[bluedragon4]

6 HOURS?!!! That would bore me no matter how great the conversation was. Anyway, the guy is probably gay and will soon come out. But he'll end up with someone at his school. Don't wait around to hear from him. People don't shit where they eat. By that I mean it's all to close to home.

 

[looseliam]

Worst case scenario: you've met a new good friend.

I'd let him take the lead on this if there's to be anything else.

Two red flags: the girlfriend whom he loves and the fear of Dad knowing he went to a gay bar.

 

[eck1964]

Ugh...I feel your pain. I have a neighbor I met by accident a couple of months ago when he left his car lights on and I decided to be a good neighbor and tell him. I expected someone else to open the door and not this gorgeous guy--my defenses were down and I'm sure I looked the fool. He was really nice and, when he saw I had just come from a run, asked if might come with me sometime.

Nothing for three weeks, then I run into him at a gas station...same super friendly approach, hints of flirtation, did I want to come over for a beer sometime?

Another three weeks...this time I take the initiative and ask him over. He actually shows at the time but is with some girl...ouch! Had the decency to come over, though.

Ran into him again tonight, same super friendly, vaguely flirtatious approach. I'm pretty sure he's straight, but my friends feel otherwise and think he's curious. The trouble is with the inertia of the situation.

All I know is that I will not approach him again. If he's not out yet or really shy it will overplay my hand. Don't like the not knowing but it's better than freaking someone out. Best of luck!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

It is simply too soon to tell.

Talking with someone for six hours str8 is something you do, only if you take that person very serioulsy. Or if you have other, say 'less honorable' intentions.

Homophobic Dad is one thing. (He can't help that.) Being afraid of his Dad is quite something else. I'll give this show of cowrdice a serious thought, if I were you.

GF? ExGF to be more precise. And he is still in love with her??? I'd chalk this one off. He never said, he was in love with you. And an Ex is only an Ex. She is history.

Put your moves. Show some guts and have a good one.

SC

 

[Grey_Sky]

Ok, thanks for all the replies. It seems like the mixed oppinions in this thread are just like the ones in my mind...

Last weekend he came back and more strange stuff happened just to make my head spin a little more...

He messaged me at 1:45 am via MSN on thursday (I was offline) saying that he had got into town and that we should do something toghether the next day. So, Friday night he invited me to go to his appartment (he was alone) while he was finishing some college work. Nothing speciall happend there. So we went out to look for a place to hang and on the way to a bar, he told me a story about an old friend who had recently told him he had been this guy's first love... I thought to myself: "why is him telling me that?!". Then he told me he had gone to a gay bar in a town next to his college with some other "straight" friends of him.

At the end of the night, since I had left my car at his appartment, he invited me to get in. I went and nothing happened again... it was almost 3 am and all we did was chat and watch TV. But we had agreed that we woulg go to the same gay club we had went last time, and he ssemed eager to go there again.

So, on saturday we went to the gay club but it seemed he had gathered an army of his gay friends to go with him, including this guy who had told him he loved him..., one of his"straight" friends (who is obviously not straight... sorry), me and a common friend of ours. Once again I'm thinking to myself: "What the heck is him doing?!"

Well it's enough to say you could almost cut the tension in the air with a knife and that all we did that night was dance and drink... nothing more.

But sunday I woke up with him calling me, asking if I could take him to the bus station, that he would leave at 5 pm but if I wanted to go to his appartment to chat a little earlier, that I would be welcome. Once again I went, and once again, nothing happend...

Now, you must be thinking I'm a coward for not making any moves after him inviting me so many times to go up with him... but it's strange, because once we're there, alone, I don't feel any vibes comming from him at all... and since the last statement that came from him is that he was straight, I don't feel like invading like this and asking him anything about his intentions towards me...

He's comming back this weekend. Should I just gather courage and ask him carefully if there's any chance we might get toghether sometime, or should I just let things roll and see where this train leads us?! I'm affraid I might be starting to fall for him...

Thanks again for reading and commenting.

 

[natedogg323]

yeah dude...make a freaking move!!! All the signs are there. Don't be afraid and just be yourself. If he's not really gay, I don't see how he isn't, then he'll tell you and everything should be ok.

keep us posted.

 

[thephoenix]

I miss the days that being in a gay bar meant you were gay.

If only it were so simple.

As for your deal. Personally, I would just wait it out. I mean, he knows you're into dudes, right? If so, your door is open for any move he makes. Whereas he has clouded the water by saying he is straight. Be open, but not aggressive and if he is interested then he will make a move.

 

[Singularity]

Ok, here's what you do:

Next time he's in town, get together with him again. Then, somewhere during the evening/night when in his apartment or even at the club, just tell him "Let me get this out of our system first" and lean over and kiss him, and then go on with the conversation.

If he asks what the hell just happened, tell him you needed to clarify two things; one, if he felt something and needs to explore that more and two, that you needed to clarify your attraction to him.

During the past years of my life, I've learned that some people need a wake-up call, especially in that department. I've made some straight friends myself and except for one (who I dropped the minute I fell for him - indecisive bastard) I made them clarify our friendship from the start.

Good luck finding out.

 

[Alberto_15]

With so many available, openly gay men, why are you giving so much time to this one? If he makes a move great otherwise move on to the next one!

 

[rareboy]

Gay, gay, gay.

He just doesn't know it yet.

 

[Grey_Sky]

Oh, I could never do what Nightcharm suggested, it would be much invasive and I think that even if he is gay it would inspire a not so friendly response from him... even though that's just what a part of me wants to do.

Anyways, we went to another gay club last night and the way he behaved made me give up about having anything with him besides a friendship. He chased a girl the whole night and a friend of him from years that we met there told me he doesn't think he is gay.

Now, even if he is (and I seriously beleive he's not), it would take a great deal of effort and time to get him out of the closet, and I'm starting to fall seriously for him, so it would be too risky and difficult for me to continue, so I decided to just let go. If he really is, too bad, bcause I'm just not ready to suffer it all over again for him if he isn't (and it has already begun, so I better end it now, before it gets worse).

Thanks for the help once more, guys... If you want to call me coward, just go ahead...

 

[Telstra]

u make the first move.

 

[astuce]

make the move right away!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT U ARE WAITING FOR....is it really that difficult??