This might be a long thread but sharing my story and getting feedback and support would really help me heal after what I’ve been through.
So I’m 32 years old I had been dating this guy who is 4 years younger than I am for 8 months and the first couple of months were amazing and we agreed on a monogamous relationship and that all dating apps should be removed by both parties. We also travelled on a weekend getaway to a nearby country (We are from the Middle East) to bond and have fun on our own. A week after the trip, he started dropping hints that he wished he had a boyfriend who dressed in a certain manner (he is attracted to guys who wear the traditional Arabic dress to which he asked me to wear for him a couple of times and I refused and we fought about it twice) so he could be more turned on by him and that’s when he confessed that he still had both Grindr and Scruff on and when I asked him whether he wanted to cheat he replied by “maybe or maybe not”. We had a falling out and I finally forgave him after giving him an ultimatum that the next time he goes on the apps, I would leave him to which he agreed.
The relationship got back on track for a few months during which, many red flags started to surface for example: he checked other guys out when we were at malls or coffee shops and compared me to them, he would ask me to buy him gifts in return for affection (yeah I forgot to mention that he never gave me a proper French kiss), he took photos of people behind their backs and was like “guess who’s masturbating tonight” and every time something like that upsets me he accuses me of being crazy, dramatic and overly sensitive and that if I didn’t change that behavior, he would leave me and every time a fight occurs, he asks me to allocate more time for him so he respects me more (I have a hectic social life with many friends, cousin and even my mother to hangout with) and I did. I even started buying him lunch and pass by his house after work and give pads on his back because he was going through a hard time looking for a job to which I did my best to help with. His behavior left me stressed, drained and depressed as I grew tired of his mood swings over the tiniest offences and I was not able to call off dates and hangouts out of fear that he would cheat on me again by downloading the apps and sexting with other guys.
Three weeks prior to my vacation trip with my friend and cousin, his behavior dramatically changed, he stopped calling and texting often, he became insanely passive-aggressive, he withheld affection and started going out with his friend and they would walk around seedy areas without notifying me beforehand even though we agreed on updates. He even ignored me for two days because I went on a road trip with my collogues from work who he is extremely jealous of and said that if he were me, he would definitely sleep with them!!!!!! He even became more aggressive especially when I asked him if he was going cold on me and that if he was not attracted to me anymore to which he dismissed and ignored me again and said that he was suffering from depression and may not want to be sexual anymore even though we only did oral (second and third base) as I am still a virgin and had reservations as to how to proceed with anal. Every time he came over my house, he would be on his phone checking on tweets and Instagram feeds and the rest of the time, he complained and whined that he was bored of Netflix and wanted to go out.
On the night before my trip, I had this significant gut feeling that something was not right about him so I finally downloaded the apps to check if he’s there and guess what? There he was, a full fledged profile with relationship status turned to single, body details and sexual role. I confronted him about it and he of course bounced around the subject and gave a 100 excuses. I lashed out at him, dumped and blocked him everywhere. He kept sending me emails and stalked me throughout my whole trip until I unblocked him on WhatsApp and after I came back he was like “not even a single souvenir?” He started showing up at my house and started begging me to forgive him and asked me to take him back and that I should take him to my room so he would show me how much he wanted me to which I refused and insisted on ending things as being with him only made me feel ugly and insecure.
When he went home, he sent me an email calling me fat and ugly and that I had a stupid and childish aesthetic which was the reason why he never kissed me!!! I lashed back out at him and the next minute, he is ringing my doorbell again and asked me to forgive him again and that he did not mean what he said. A month after that, I kept him unblocked on WhatsApp to prevent him from showing up on my door and lead to my parents suspecting something as we live in a community where being gay is neither accepted nor tolerated although it is not illegal. The next period he started becoming rude and started threatening me that if I resisted any further, he would ruin my life and out me to my family. Anyways, I called BS and blocked him and ended it for good this time. He immediately contacted my mom on her Instagram account and told her that I suffered from mental issues and that I should seek professional help and on the next day, he outed me to my cousin.
I had to control the situation and went to the government’s Cybercrime unit to report him, asked my whole family to block him and we’ve never heard from him ever again.
I feel a significant sense of relief but at the same time my heart is broken on how things ended between us. In the end, that was someone I was intimate with and I really thought we had something real and my love for him was going to be eternal.
Do you guys think I handled the situation well or did I overreact? How would you deal with it and did you date someone as toxic as him before?
So I’m 32 years old I had been dating this guy who is 4 years younger than I am for 8 months and the first couple of months were amazing and we agreed on a monogamous relationship and that all dating apps should be removed by both parties. We also travelled on a weekend getaway to a nearby country (We are from the Middle East) to bond and have fun on our own. A week after the trip, he started dropping hints that he wished he had a boyfriend who dressed in a certain manner (he is attracted to guys who wear the traditional Arabic dress to which he asked me to wear for him a couple of times and I refused and we fought about it twice) so he could be more turned on by him and that’s when he confessed that he still had both Grindr and Scruff on and when I asked him whether he wanted to cheat he replied by “maybe or maybe not”. We had a falling out and I finally forgave him after giving him an ultimatum that the next time he goes on the apps, I would leave him to which he agreed.
The relationship got back on track for a few months during which, many red flags started to surface for example: he checked other guys out when we were at malls or coffee shops and compared me to them, he would ask me to buy him gifts in return for affection (yeah I forgot to mention that he never gave me a proper French kiss), he took photos of people behind their backs and was like “guess who’s masturbating tonight” and every time something like that upsets me he accuses me of being crazy, dramatic and overly sensitive and that if I didn’t change that behavior, he would leave me and every time a fight occurs, he asks me to allocate more time for him so he respects me more (I have a hectic social life with many friends, cousin and even my mother to hangout with) and I did. I even started buying him lunch and pass by his house after work and give pads on his back because he was going through a hard time looking for a job to which I did my best to help with. His behavior left me stressed, drained and depressed as I grew tired of his mood swings over the tiniest offences and I was not able to call off dates and hangouts out of fear that he would cheat on me again by downloading the apps and sexting with other guys.
Three weeks prior to my vacation trip with my friend and cousin, his behavior dramatically changed, he stopped calling and texting often, he became insanely passive-aggressive, he withheld affection and started going out with his friend and they would walk around seedy areas without notifying me beforehand even though we agreed on updates. He even ignored me for two days because I went on a road trip with my collogues from work who he is extremely jealous of and said that if he were me, he would definitely sleep with them!!!!!! He even became more aggressive especially when I asked him if he was going cold on me and that if he was not attracted to me anymore to which he dismissed and ignored me again and said that he was suffering from depression and may not want to be sexual anymore even though we only did oral (second and third base) as I am still a virgin and had reservations as to how to proceed with anal. Every time he came over my house, he would be on his phone checking on tweets and Instagram feeds and the rest of the time, he complained and whined that he was bored of Netflix and wanted to go out.
On the night before my trip, I had this significant gut feeling that something was not right about him so I finally downloaded the apps to check if he’s there and guess what? There he was, a full fledged profile with relationship status turned to single, body details and sexual role. I confronted him about it and he of course bounced around the subject and gave a 100 excuses. I lashed out at him, dumped and blocked him everywhere. He kept sending me emails and stalked me throughout my whole trip until I unblocked him on WhatsApp and after I came back he was like “not even a single souvenir?” He started showing up at my house and started begging me to forgive him and asked me to take him back and that I should take him to my room so he would show me how much he wanted me to which I refused and insisted on ending things as being with him only made me feel ugly and insecure.
When he went home, he sent me an email calling me fat and ugly and that I had a stupid and childish aesthetic which was the reason why he never kissed me!!! I lashed back out at him and the next minute, he is ringing my doorbell again and asked me to forgive him again and that he did not mean what he said. A month after that, I kept him unblocked on WhatsApp to prevent him from showing up on my door and lead to my parents suspecting something as we live in a community where being gay is neither accepted nor tolerated although it is not illegal. The next period he started becoming rude and started threatening me that if I resisted any further, he would ruin my life and out me to my family. Anyways, I called BS and blocked him and ended it for good this time. He immediately contacted my mom on her Instagram account and told her that I suffered from mental issues and that I should seek professional help and on the next day, he outed me to my cousin.
I had to control the situation and went to the government’s Cybercrime unit to report him, asked my whole family to block him and we’ve never heard from him ever again.
I feel a significant sense of relief but at the same time my heart is broken on how things ended between us. In the end, that was someone I was intimate with and I really thought we had something real and my love for him was going to be eternal.
Do you guys think I handled the situation well or did I overreact? How would you deal with it and did you date someone as toxic as him before?
