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Hello everyone new to this big forum lol:)

spmarwah

spmarwah

Joined
Jan 22, 2007
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Location
Québec City
Hey you guys how is everyone chillin here:) anyways first time writing on this site. I've been checking this site for quite some time and finally decided to start writing and being part of the community. :) Anyways just to talk a little about me. I'm a french kid up north in the best country in the world lol Québec :) (it's my opinion might not be true lol). And for you that don't know where that is it's a province in Canada yep the freexing cold tundra country up north lol. Anyways i turned 18 in june and i'm happy to finally be recognized as an adult up here. :) And as probably everyone guessed lol i'm not out of the closet. I'm even having a lot of fun in the closet. Making partys and having a big fire with marshmalow:gogirl: . ANyways thats not the question lol. Hey and i wanted to tell everyone as a french speaking freak lol i might make mistakes in my written english so don't me mad at me it's not my fault my parents were french(but i'ms till very happy of my heritage k, i've got no problem being a french dude.) My god i suck i just realised i did an error in my title and i can't fix it lol.:)

And as everyone probably guessed lol i have a little question. I met this guy not long ago on a trip in hawaii and were both from my province up north but the only problem is that i don't know what happened between us but we just clicked. I don't know if its more then just friendship but i know everytime since the day we came back up here i've been thinking about him and can't wait to see him again. I'm pretty sure though it's more then friendship. Anyways the real problem is that i never told him or anybody in fact lol that i am bi and i would actually love to tell him. But i'm so scared of the reaction and everything else around me that will probably break up to peaces if anyone knows that i am. if you guys could help me try to figure out a way to keep my behind safe but still find a way to tell him that would be awesome. :) thx you guys :)
 
Re: Hello everyone knew to this big forum lol:)

Hey spmarwah!!

Welcome to JUB...and thanks for posting!!!!

Can I just ask a quick question...who's reaction are you afraid of? The guys...or your families and friends?

And dont mind your writing or spelling mate...I've spoken English all my life and still manage to butcher it!!!
 
Re: Hello everyone knew to this big forum lol:)

hungry4cock:

I don't know if he is gay or anything but i don't know have a really good feeling he is not completly straight since i don't know i've just never clicked so much with another guy. It was like totaly crazy. And well he lives pretty close like 2h drive away i lvie in quebec city and he lives in montreal so its like not that far. but i don't know i'm scared of telling him cause if word gets out in my small town(since he knows some of my friends) well i would probably not live through it(sarcastic). And also about your french your pretty good the only other word you need to knwo to get accepted up here is bière lol. (which means beer).

tallguy297:

I'm scared of my family and friends reactions other people i don't really care.
 
Re: Hello everyone knew to this big forum lol:)

i just love when you meet someone and you click right away. best feeling ever.
 
Hi spmarwah and welcome to the forum! Glad you're here.

I'm glad you're clicking with your new friend. Whether that means he's bi too, or interested, is another matter. Since you're new friends, you could just tell him matter-of-factly soon. If you do it soon, it will seem more natural to you (and him), like "this is something about me I'd like you to know." I would NOT tie it into a conversation about you being into him. Just divulge this piece of information about yourself, and see what he does with it. If he is too, and is interested in you, this gives him the perfect chance to make his feelings known, too.

The other option is to say nothing, but watch him carefully and manipulate the conversation to gay-type topics and see how he reacts. Test the waters. This takes longer (obviously) and isn't fool-proof, but it can be done if you're not comfortable just telling him outright.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Welcome, again! :wave:
 
G'day spmarwah,

Thanks for answering that question!

Its easy to feel scared about people knowing that you are gay or bi. Its the fear of people reactions that stop us being honest and open about who we are. But as you said you are an adult now and you are facing a period in your life where you have some decisions to make. They are decisions that will affect how you live your life, how you pursue happiness and how you seek long term fulfillment.

Its easy to see that you are intelligent, passionate and articulate from your posts. You have a good head on your shoulders and you've sought the advice of people who may have been where you are at now. These things make up the real you mate. They are the things that your friends and family see. They are things that you should feel proud of. And they are the things that will help you move forward with your life.

This guy will be the first of your potential friends/partners/soulmates that you encounter through out the years. He seems like a nice guy and I'm sure that he'll be someone that you want to spend time with, get to know and enjoy some experiences with if it works out that way. And as you progress on with your life you find yourself surrounded by people who love and care for you - and some of those people will be gay or bi, given that you are yourself.

I'm not in anyway suggesting that there is a pressing need to run out and tell everyone that you're bi. But its something that you should consider telling those who are close to you. I can see from you're posts that you are genuinely excited about this guy and the chance that there is at least a good friendship if not more in the offing. Its an amazing exhilarating feeling to see potential happiness so close.

But if you try and pursue this it will mean hiding lying and deceiving those who are close to you and who love you. Your fears of being found out could be realised...and all of this will happen without your control. There is a personal price for you too in carrying around a secret...one which on one hand gives you happiness and pleasure, but on the other makes you lie.

By being the honest open loving passionate guy that you are, you get the chance to experience everything guilt free. You get to pursue this friendship, explore your feelings and desires in an open way that wont burden you with worry.

You deserve to find happiness and more spmarwah....trust that your family and close friends only want the same for you. They see you as you are now...the guy with the morals and values that you hold dear to you. This will just be an extra piece of the puzzles that makes you who you are. By being open and honest with them you give them the chance to see the whole real you...and you give them a chance to share your joy and happiness as well as the chance to protect you and help you.

Its not a race and its not something that you need to do today. But as you pursue the happiness and love you deserve in your life it's something that will keep rearing its head. And, as hard as it seems right now, its far easier to do it while you are young than to waste years of your life hiding and denying the truth. Your ability to care and be cared for, your desire for other to know the real you and to love you for it comes with being open and honest. They are things you are right to want.

I dont know if this is what you wanted to hear when you asked for ways to protect your behind mate, but its a sure way to guarantee that openness, honesty and happiness in the future is yours for the taking.
 
Of course Tallguy is ultimately right. Coming out will solve a lot of these problems.

Until you are ready for that on a big scale, I would suggest that you spend more time with him and work on your friendship. Usually the best way to handle finding out if he is gay is to come out to him yourself first. The better you know him, the safer that will be.

Its possible that he isn't out to himself yet. When I was in college, I had a friend that made eyes at me and seemed to be crazy about me. I didn't think much of it since I wasn't out to myself yet. And he never told me he was gay (which in retrospect he clearly was). He may have pushed my process along a few years earlier had he told me.

Anyhow, just letting you know that its not always cut and dry. Good Luck!
 
do u know Isabelle Boulay? she is my favorite singer. she's from quebec.
 
hungry4cock
Hey thanks for the advice. But to be more precise he only knows one of my childhood friends the other friends that he knows are college friends, and at the end of this year there is a great chance that i wont see them anymore because they are going to montreal while i'm staying in québec city. So if i haven't told him before then i while probably tell him there. And i am still trying to find out if he is gay or bi, or if he has any problem with people who are. Hey and even if you're not out i still like your advice, and it helps a lot to know what people think of my situation and how they try to help me. :)

averageguy
Yeah I know exactly what you mean thats exactly why i'm not sure to tell him and everything. i find it much easier to tell him because i don't know him a lot and our friendship is just beginning. Thx for the advice.

tallguy297
i know what you mean, but i don't know i don't think i'm ready at all to tell anyone that is close to me. i don't know why, because i realise that i'm doing myself more pain then happiness but it's just that i don't know i don't want to ruin my parents' dreams and my friendship with some people. and i know that if they don't like me anymore because of that then their not my true friends but its just the problem. I've moved from place to place ever since i'm really young, we usually don't stay somewhere more then 4 years and making friends is not that easy. so i don't really want to lose the ones i have right now. maybe when i'll leave i can tell some of them and see what it will do... don't know but thx for the advice it helps:)

Riverrick
thx for the advice. It would be so much easier if he would be out...

fiorio
Yes i do know who she is lol...
 
To repeat: When one man is having sex with another man; they are both engaged in a homosexual act. And that's true even if they are both straight!!!

On the other hand: When one engages in both Homosexual action and Heterosexual action we all get confused because we don't know what label to use; so the term bisexual came into use.

And then there are those who live their lives confining themselves to either homosexual relations or heterosexual relations, BUT, they try to be honest knowing in their own mind that they could can conceive of a relationship which would be the opposite of their present status. They acknowledge that they have urges in both directions. These folks are for the most part very faithful partners.

One could go on describing the practitioners who find that this is the only label that fits their case.

My solution: Avoid the labels; describe what you are seeking; what relational arrangements you would consider ideal.

Who knows? Lots of people might get to connecting, even loving, other people they never would have considered before because of the labels they wore or
imagined they would or might be wearing .

Get to know the other person as a person before you bed them. It would save a lot of heartache and disillusionment.

Peace!
 
You say you've turned 18 and are happy to be recognised as an adult. Does an adult make choices based on careful thought and heartfelt desires, or is the main motivation a fear of offending the neighbours?

Does he have his own place in Montreal?

You should be aware that 'clicking' on holiday is not often a sound basis for a relationship. On holiday people are free from all the usual stresses and obligations of regular routines; they lighten up and are fun to be with and there are no neighbours to be afraid of. But once at home all the metal shutters clang back into place and habit reasserts itself.
 
If you tell him, he might come out to you. Lord knows, the first person I came out to was bisexual and it took another three or four years before I told anyone who was straight. He'd know you wouldn't take it badly, and then you'd both have a better idea where you stand. And, of course, if he's gay but not out, he's probably single, which means there's a clear playing field for you.
If, when you say "I'm bi," he replies "So am I," just say "Oh good," and kiss him. :D
 
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