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hello, im new, need some advice

S

ShyOne89

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Hi, all my life i was very shy, now im 21 virgin :(
Im not that ugly, at least i dont think so. I have no idea whats wrong with me and its killing me.

Few years ago i discovered that im attracted to same sex. I like girls, but not that much, if i would have to choose, i would prefer to be gay instead of straight.

My life really sucks, i had really bad family situation wich made my life what it is now. As the consequence, i was always alone. Friend is just a word for me, i never had anyone i could talk to. I had to deal with my family and it destroyed significant portion of my life. I learned how to live in isolation, it was fine at start but few years ago it backfired and im really depressed, to this day.


I dont know if im really gay/bi, or is it just temporary, so i want to meet someone just to try it and have some fun. Im just curious about that. And here is the problem, i dont have any idea what to do. I never in my life had any sex, i was too shy to act. I want to change it. What should i do? Im totally alone here, nobody in real life can help me, i dont know where to go :(

Im too shy to go to club myself, i just have no idea what to do, i never did it. Uhh, its really bad feeling. Its not like im affraid of something, it feels like im missing something and make a fool of myself.

I also looked at online dating, but i would like to have a second opinion before exploring it. Is it a good idea, have anyone of you did it? What sould i expect? Im not looking for any kind of serious relationship, just spending some free time.

Is there any chance for me? Or im too old and nobody will want me :( I read that people start in age of ~17, and im 21. I hope its not over. But if it is, please tell me i value honesty and really HATE false hope.

Thanks.
 
Welcome to JUB!

I would suggest you look for a local GLBT community center. I would also suggest looking for a counselor to talk to since you don't have anyone to talk to in real life and it sounds like you have had to deal with a lot.

21 is not old, so don't feel like it's too late. Online dating has worked for me.

You may want to try www.adam4adam.com or www.okcupid.com.

Good luck!
 
LadyMontage said:
I'm not entirely sure but, isn't this advertising? Also it was a nice intro, however, the poster should go to a different thread for advice. Just saying. Nonetheless welcome.
Click to expand...

I've thought that too, but I don't remember having links I've posted in other threads taken down.
 
Thanks for those links, im really gratefull for any support i can get.
 
i know how u feel i was the same way as u all i can say is for one ur not to old im 39 and just got my frist boyfriend u just have to get out there and start meetin guys and when the time is right u will find someone:kiss:
 
I didn't have sex with anyone till I was 24. Until about 21, I was too afraid too. Between 21 and 24 I had a few offers, made a few offers, a few clumsy situations that I put an end to, and declined until I met the right guy. It takes a long time, and you're never too old or too shy to find someone.
 
Your profile doesn't say where you are at. If you are in a more rural area, meeting people is of course going to be harder. If you are in a more urban area, start exploring your city for gay areas. Go to Google and type in your city and the word gay, you might be surprised at the number of resource centers that come up.

I wouldn't recommend going to a club alone right away, It could be the equivilant of throwing a non swimmer in the ocean. But if you are able to find a resource center, you could find someone to talk to and that is the first step.

I have to be honest, I have never had good luck with hookup sites, but that may be me more than a fault with the sites.

But Welcome to JUB, there are a lot of great people here each with their own experience. Please talk, ask questions, and I am hopeful you will feel less alone.
 
Don't pressure yourself into having sex when you're not ready regardless of age.

Focus on overcoming your shyness is much more important. Living in isolation is not a long term solution. As you have already found out, it usually leads to depression. You need friends and/or family to talk things over...to cheer you up...to laugh...to bond...to share various viewpoints with...to get a perspective.

Take some courses at local community colleges or vocational colleges on how to start a conversation with strangers...how to hold a conversation...how to flirt. Join improversational classes in your city. Join your local volunteer organizations to meet new people. These are all suggestions to help you to step out of your shell. They force you to be in social situations to improve your social skills...to make new friends...to better prepare you for the dating world ;)

If you're more sociable, your self confidence will rise as well. Good looks can carry a man so far. Having a strong self confidence carries a man much further in life. Confidence is very attractive!

And when you do find someone to have sex with, it is perfectly fine to tell him you are inexperienced. Most guys are considerate and respect that. Some guys even find that very exciting for them.

Welcome to JUB!
 
Welcome to JUB. It's time to work on social skills. What you can do will be limited by your location. Since you mentioned clubs I'm assuming there are sone outlets for you. It would be good to visit a LGBT center either in your community or in a nearby college.

If those aren't possibilities find something of interest and join a group. It's important to develop social skills and as long as you're not faced with homophobia you'd be doing something very positive for yourself.
 
yeah well, im 36 and never had a bf/gf at all, no close friends, just my bro who is str8 and he's never had a gf either. we just think its too much hassle. we dont smoke/drink/party at all, real homebodies, so i can sympathise? our entertainment is footy/movies.
 
sexuality, age, its all labels. whats important is what makes you happy. theres no time to worry about minor details. put emphasis on accepting yourself. once you are comfortable with yourself you can start working on other things.
 
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