Hello, just need some thoughts

[irudesan]

Hello!! I don't know where my life is going right now. I had just finished an upgrade on my career (physician), and now I am just working and working and working. I work 16 hours daily from monday to friday, and some weekends 12 hours a day. I pretty much don't have a social life. I had a "relationship" but I've recently gotten out of it, it was a disfunctional relationship with a married man. When I say disfunctional I really mean it. To put it in short, he was with me because I gave him money and bought him stuff. I left him because I got sick of it, we had been going out for one year and 2 months. I knew it was a bad relationship but I kinda "loved him" so that's why it took me so long to leave him. Lately I have been feeling really empty. I just don't know if it is worthy anymore. I see my friends and they all have a family of their own, and I am living with my father. 30 year old, in the closet, and with no hope of getting out of it. Right now I feel empty, and I am really scared to be alone for the rest of my life, and to be alive only to work. Is a life like that worth living? Just wanted to take that out of my chest.

 

[kallipolis]

There is no standard formula on how best to live life other, than taking advantage of the opportunities that present themselves.

What was is best understood as life experience calculated to encourage one to keep trying to celebrate life.

Don't dwell on perceived mistakes for they are teaching lessons driving one to keep trying to realise ones dreams.

The remedy for your perceived empty life lies within you.

No one here can implement your goal to live a happy, and fulfilling life by taking your hand.

Do what the rest of us do, explore life by meeting people...

...for life's gifts do not arrive on our doorstep atop a silver platter...they have to be earned by investing in people.

 

[Seasoned]

Since you probably don't wish to throw away your training and hard work look to a career counselor who specializes in medical careers. Perhaps there's a niche for you that would offer more of a life. The trade off might be less income, but a reduction in hours might have you feeling like a new person.

 

[PalacePaul]

Sometimes I feel the same as you: no social life, very few friends, no relationships, only work. But when I look back I realise it could be worse.
It's never too late to start living your life the way you want. Set little goals and go one step at a time.

 

[KölnElch]

After university, I decided not to work. I never had a job. Money isn't an issue. That's already making me an "asshole" in the eyes of many people.

I still don't have a social life, because all my friends are at work in daytime, and in the evening I'm too tired to go out.
Now the fact that I don't work is also an obstacle in meeting people, as it's always the second question that people would ask me, and it's always embarrassing to answer it. Also, I can't afford going on holidays with my friends.

So to say, from man to man, from one extreme to the other:

Find out what you really want from life. If you work all the time, then naturally there won't be much else left from life. I know, it's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth. Of course it will make you feel empty.

Likewise, if I continue not to work at all, I will get a lot less out of my life than I could, and eventually money will run out.

Well, what you're doing, that's your choice, and noone else's.

I myself am searching for a compromise, getting a job that lets me be "me".

Find out who you are, and what you need to be "you".

 

[jbrown329]

I'm guessing with those hours that you work at a hospital. Have you ever thought of working at a clinic instead? I've been seeing the same ARNP since their clinic opened over 15yrs ago. Hours there are 9am to 5pm. Lots of patients, but shorter hours. Granted, you won't make the same money as working in a hospital.

 

[irudesan]

Thanks for everyone that took time to do a response. I'm feeling a little better now. I guess I'm not in my best right now. I think I'll just have to have patience with myself and work towards it.

 

[Tucsam]

OK, here are my thoughts. The hours you work are brutal, and you are in the unenviable position of encountering scores of people every day and meeting no one. Will these dreadful long hours end at some point (for example, are you finishing a residency?, are you working under contract?). Is there some way you can carve out a little more time for yourself. You say you are in the closet, but is there any way you can step out a bit? Is there a gay walking/hiking/running club or gay business/professional group in your area? You might meet some quality gay men. The closet may feel familiar for you but in my life I have seen it cause a lot more damage than good. (The closet, to my way of thinking, fosters the sort of dysfunctional relationship you had with Mr. Married Loser.)

Right now you can’t see the forest for the 16 hour-a-day trees, but if you could see the forest you would see someone who is young, educated, and not afraid of hard work. I’d say you have a lot going for yourself but you are overwhelmed. You deserve joy.