help am I gay? long story

[soconfused1984]

Hi, before anything I’ll give you a bit of background on me, I’m 24 yo, second generation Mexican, work out 5-7 days a week, and until 3 days ago I was sure I was straight.
Well my story begins with my cousin who came out to the family when I was 15 (he was 19 at the time), at first it was weird but then I saw he was the same guy he was before, then 2 yrs later when I was 17 the only place that would sell alcohol without an ID was the gay bar and well my cousin would take me get some drinks sometimes, my cousin knew the owner and I got a job there at 18 working in the back (they would pay me cash since legally I wasn’t supposed to be there), I worked the back for about six months and then the bartender started to show me how to mix drinks, a few months later he got 2 weeks off and the owner by then dating my cousin decided to take a chance and let me bartend, I screwed up a lot but for some reason most guys were really cool and would just let me know I gave them the wrong drink or it needed something and still tip me really good, when the bartender got back, the owner decided to get me a fake ID (incase something happened and they would have to deny knowing I was a minor) and let me bartend the slow days, at first I would feel weird getting numbers from guys and have guys hitting on me but the tips were good and then I got used to it and would just say “no thanks”. Well, things went ok for all this years I had a few girlfriends for some me working at a gay bar was an abomination for other was a turn on. I never felt attracted to any guy (and believe me lots of guys offered to test my heterosexuality lol). Ok now to the confusing part, well like 4 months ago they hired this new guy, he asked me out and I told him I was straight, he asked like 1000 questions about why I worked in a gay bar and my answer was I get more money in tips that what I would do working anywhere else and that I just got back to school so need the money. He never asked me out again but he would give me some strange looks and joke around a lot. Well 3 days ago after we closed the place, he took out a bottle of Don Julio Anejo 1942 (good and expensive tequila) since it is not easy to find, we started drinking and I don’t know how or why but he kissed me and I kissed him back, then something clicked in my head I just pushed him and left, I would like to blame it in the tequila but I being sober since I haven’t been able to keep him away from my mind since, am I gay? Bi? Curious? Confused? How come I never felt any attraction to any guy before? How come I wasn’t attracted to him before but now I think I am. Please help me.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Based on your post, I'm gonna go with "curious". It's not like you haven't had other options, and it even sounds like now that you're not interested in guys in general - just this one guy. Maybe he's an amazing kisser. Maybe the mood was just right, and maybe the tequila helped. My sister freely says, "I made out with a girl once in college. It was totally awesome. But I don't think that makes me gay, or even bi." And I agree.

What now? Up to you. Personally, I'd suggest caution. Not because you're "straight", but because he's a co-worker, and getting sexually involved with a co-worker can cause some major major headaches. Say you try to get together with him, and it turns out REALLY bad. The sex is awful, or he's a real asshole. And now you have to work with him every night. Not a pleasant thought.

Lex

 

[AngelFromAbove]

It depends on how you're thinking about him as well. You say that you cannot get him out of your mind, but what exactly does that mean? Do you have sexual fantasies of him? Do you feel attracted to him now? Simply kissing him does not mean much of anything; however, if you're feelings have changed towards him, then that may be worth examining.

 

[KaraBulut]

If you're 24 and you've gotten by all these years - especially working in a gay bar- without being attracted to a guy, then you're a rarity.

It's not particularly unusual for a "straight" guy to be curious and to experiment. That's what college is for.

The question here is not what you are, it's what you want to do.

Your options are:

1. Forget about it.
2. Use it for jack off fantasies when you're bored with straight fantasies
3. Give it a shot and see what happens

Which of the three do you want to do?

 

[hackingnomberr]

Definitely curious, might as well indulge in your curiosity though since he's there right?

 

[AlmondMilk]

Just because you're curious doesn't make you gay or bi. It's not clear cut, so just follow everyone's advice here and see what works best for you. You'll figure out soon enough.

I agree with G-Lexington. I usually steer clear away from co-workers just because if you do go at it and/or date, then break up, you don't want any rumors are talking going around. Seems like a huge hassle.

Well, good luck in whatever you choose.

 

[bankside]

Think back to every fantasy of every woman you have ever had. Did any single one of those hot women turning you on in your mind make or break your sexuality? Probably not. One fantasy doesn't change the world, so don't worry about this one. Enjoy it even!

Are you gay bi or straight? Well it depends. You are officially "bi curious" because you are thinking about it but not committed to anything. You are as straight as you ever were, but now also aware of other possibilities.

If this was as good as any kiss from any woman and you need to try it again, you're heading from bi-curious to bi. If this was better than any kiss with a woman and you can't believe you have been wasting your time before now, then you might be heading from bi-curious to gay. Or if it was just something fun to try in the moment that you don't want to take any further, you're back to straight.

 

[soconfused1984]

Thank you all for train to help me, the last few day were the strangest days in my life lol. I tried to talk to some friends and family about it but I got the weirdest reactions, my sister at first thought I was kidding and her answer was “well you are gay that explain the sluts you usually date (btw she’s 12 yrs older than me and she thinks I’m still here baby bro, so even when I dated this catholic school girl who didn’t have sex, my sister considered her a slut) when she realized it wasn’t a joke she just hug me and left I was like WTF, then I went to my gay cousin and he was like your not gay your just horny and wanna try something other than pussy, then to my best female friend (lesbian btw) her reaction was”oh (sad face) so I guess it’s a bad time to ask u a personal question?”, I was like what, she goes “would u like to be a donor for me and my gf? We wanna get pregnant” I hide my anger and just answer only if I can do it the natural way and I can hit that ass and ur gfs at the same time and laugh, then finally I went to the last person I thought would give a reasonable answer my best friend (straight) he just said I don’t think your gay but if you feel something do what you think is best and be sure you had a friend in me, well as long as you don’t try to c me naked in the gym and then laugh.
Well we (the guy from work and me) tried to avoid eachother at first but since we work together and go to the same college it was impossible. I didn’t talk to him until Friday morning when he was waiting for me outside my classroom and after some awkward silence we started to really talk and he told me that we could just forget what happened and that if I want we wont have to hang anymore to what I answer that I cant just ignore it because I don’t know what I feel but that I don’t wanna ignore it now and in the future be one of those old guys I’ve seen at the bar saying that they married and then left their wives yrs later. So we decided to go back to what it was b4, to be good friends (we used to hang a lot, he would go out with me and my other friends, most my friends r straight but all know where I work and are kool with my gay friends) and that if something was to happen, it'd be in a natural not perused way, then we would take it from there, but now I feel him different that b4, he looks at me a lot and even some of my friends (some of whom didn’t know he was gay) have been saying that. I don’t know if I’m bi or just curious but I now that im not scared since id rather know it now and not when I get old. Im still confused because I know I feel some physical attraction to him but I been lookin at other guy just to experiment and don’t feel anything, I don’t feel attracted to any other guy.

 

[rareboy]

Phew.

Glad that worked out well.

 

[soconfused1984]

Hi, once again thank you, well nothing has happen again but I still feel something for him but I don’t like some his behavior like he follows me all the time (which I don’t mind that much since I like his company) but sometimes he gets mad if I don’t wait for him, he doesn’t like me talking to girls, he’s not a psycho or anything like that but he’s becoming a little annoying. By now, all my friends know I’m trying something with a guy and they been cool so far, but I have to admit I have never had so many girls offering themselves to me before and it’s been a huge temptation since they wanna fix me . I don’t know how to talk to him and let him know to take it easy since this is all new to me, also I know he wants to get physical and I believe I’m ready to start experimenting but I’m scared of what may be after since if he is kind of jealous now, would he be worst after.

 

[G-Lexington]

Cool, I get to use this card again.

Talk to him.
Not us.
Him.

My rule is this - if you're comfortable enough to stick your dick in each other, you should be comfortable enough to talk about it. So tell him. "I am interested in perhaps doing some things with you, but I'd like to take things easy to start out with. Also, I'm a bit concerned about how this might alter our relationship afterwards."

Lex

 

[rareboy]

^ yup.

And yup again.

 

[On The Edge]

u seem curious..but I think u need to let the guy know..even if his becoming a little annoying by those stuff..or what u feeling just be honest..

u already lucky..u seem to have very supportive family & friends ..

 

[Lube]

It seems to me that the issue here isn't really communication. We haven't even reached that point yet.

The immediate issue is self-acceptance.

SoConfused1984, you have to say these lines to yourself: "I'm gay and it's OK!". Repeat it ad infinitum--until you are sick of hearing yourself say it. And believe it--it is OK if you're gay. OK, maybe you're bi or whatever, but you have to get over the fact that you like men, so if you're OK with being gay, you'll certainly be OK with being bi.

Accepting your desire for men will not happen overnight. But work on it constantly, until you really do accept this thing about yourself.

In the meantime, don't worry about when this feeling started, or why it's only for this guy, or how it took so long to show up. None of that matters! The fact is, you like at least one man enough to want to do more than just kiss him. The history of that desire is irrelevant, and trying to come up with some "story" about how it developed is just a waste of time. Because we all lie to ourselves. We may not even realize it at the time, but we do.

It's OK to have desire for a man, even if it's only one man. Don't question it. It just is. Accept it. Be happy for it. It's what makes you, you.

Once you digest that, then you'll realize that--despite your and his protestations to the contrary--you both really have the hots for each other, and you should pursue this further. Go have fun! Play safe.

 

[soconfused1984]

seem curious..but I think u need to let the guy know..even if his becoming a little annoying by those stuff..or what u feeling just be honest..

u already lucky..u seem to have very supportive family & friends ..

Thank you all, most my family is not supportive but all my friends are.

My rule is this - if you're comfortable enough to stick your dick in each other, you should be comfortable enough to talk about it. So tell him. "I am interested in perhaps doing some things with you, but I'd like to take things easy to start out with. Also, I'm a bit concerned about how this might alter our relationship afterwards."

lol well im not sure if im comfortable enough to stick my dick as you said lol, but im confortable enough to start slow and see where it goes.