help at the bath

[grumpy1109]

Hi everyone,

I know there have been posts about the baths already and I have read them. I am asking for a little help and don't know where else to go.

I just turned 41. I'm 5'7" 175 lbs blonde (thinning) blue eyes (glasses). average looks. I'm quiet and kind of shy. I live in north Atlanta and have joined Flex.

I have gone twice, most recently last night. My problem is nothing happened either night. I did approach 2 men last night and was rejected both times. I don't know if I did something wrong or if I'm out of my league or just unattractive. I don't know what a Troll is but from the references made in other posts I don't think I qualify for that label.

Both of them were in their rooms with the door open. I stood there for a few seconds and they didn't say or do anything. I then asked if they wanted some company. The one guy smiled and shook his head no. The other guy said "no thanks". There were quite a few guys walking around, some standing along the walls and some in the sauna. I sat on a bench for a little while trying to look interested and open but not even a smile or a nod. I prefer younger, twinkish types but most of the guys there were late 20's to 50. The guys I approached were mid to late 20's.

What do I need to do to get a little action.

Thanks in advance
Grumpy

 

[youngnihilist]

Most younger twinkish types aren't into older men unless they're muscular/very masculine. Get more attracted to people your age or pay for escorts.

 

[MainEntry]

You are at that age where you are not really a "daddy" nor are you a twink. I remember that age very well. I thought I was still a twink but it usually didn't work out that way. It is also extremely difficult to change preferences for guys with whom you want to have sex. But it's possible if one is motivated. Look for someone your age or older who is otherwise attractive in some way and go from there.

 

[8tomtoms8]

You need to remember when you were 25 you weren't really interested in someone who was over 40. Those guys you met were probably thinking the same thing. Also, a lot of older gay men hit on young guys so those young guys there were probably hit on the whole time they were there. That gets REALLY old. I think focusing your attention on guys your own age or older will get you better results. Good luck.

 

[grumpy1109]

Thanks for the great advice. Sometimes the obvious is hard to see. I am really new at this and I appreciate the help.

Any more words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Grumps
</IMG>

 

[youngnihilist]

^shows that (some) older gay men need to move on from twinks. its like a pack of vultures all sitting together, ignoring each other, and they descend on the prey.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

You are doing well. You are learning the ropes.

So, you went for the much-in-demand twinkish dudes and got rejected. Not a biggie, by any stretch of imagination. Cruising for sex anywhere is an experience in mostly getting rejected. That is completely immaterial. What matters is that sooner or later, one of the guys, whom you find attractive will say, 'yes' and you'll go for it. It really does not matter, how many times you fall.

It only matters, how many times you stand up again.

Once you get used to that basic rule of cruising, you'll see that the game of sexual politics beats all the known games and strategies of humanity at large. 'Who gets to screw whom' is frequently more complex than any issue of the philosophy of mathematics would ever bother to debate.

Few pointers:

Baths are basically very fine for younger dudes and everyone else, who has got a body that draws attention of the fellow cruisers. Whereas, everyone is welcome and everyone gets lucky now and then, the baths mostly work for:

1) young dudes with tight bods;
2) gym rats;
3) guys with significant endowments, who are chasing down(or are being chased down by) the size queens;
4) guys, who need an inexpensive, private nest for their regular sex meet ups.

---
You want to do just two simple things:

Decide, what you can do to look more attractive. Cool clothes, contacts, instead of old and tired glasses, some good tan, whatever. Do it all. Guys with more aces down their sleeves tend to win the game by a wide margin. Yup, a cool red Porsche, if you can afford it, does wonders, too. Whatever accentuates you natural masculinity is a MUST.

Find out, which cruising venue works best for you. Bar, ABS, sex club, bath, Craig's, MH? Keep on trying and you'll see that you fit very well into one or even more than one of the setups and do not fit so well into the other venues. This must be explored and learned.

SC

 

[grumpy1109]

Friends,

thanks so much for the advice and support. I appreciate everyones time, knowledge and most of all support. I didn't expect to get as many replies as I did. Thank you.

Great news. I went to Flex last night and got some action. I walked by a room and a man that is older than I am was in there. I asked if he wanted some company and to my surprise he said yes. I was like a kid in a candy store. It was a great experience.

There were a couple of younger guys walking around and I fought the urge to repeat my mistakes. The one dude fit every category I'm attracted to, but I resisted temptation and it payed off.

It definitely is a learning process. Keep the advice cumming. I still have a lot to learn.

Grumps
</IMG>

 

[Yngbldhwk]

I'm a little surprised and maybe a little disappointed that every response to Grumps' question was basically tips on how to successfully cheat on his partner. I also realize that he asked a question, but irrespective of whether his spouse is female (since his profile reads married) or male, is it really a good thing to cheat?

 

[grumpy1109]

Cheating? Do you know who I am? Do you know my wife? you know absolutely nothing about me so take your judgement and go somewhere else. I asked for help at the baths not your moral standards, but since you have opened that door I will explain.

If you noticed (or does it not matter) I also said I am BI. My wife knows I am BI, has always known I am BI and supports me in every way. I have looked at gay porn on the net since we were married and never did hide it from my wife. I will be surfing and she will walk into the room. I do not have to hide what I'm doing. It is right there for her to see. She gave me a membership to Corbin Fisher for my birthday. I have desires to be with men and women. Obviously my wife cannot fulfill both of those roles. She knows and understands that. It is a shame you can't due the same. My wife knows when I am at Flex. We have an open, honest relationship. We can and do tell each other everything. I do not take my wedding wring off while at Flex or wherever else I am. I don't have anything to hide, therefor I don't hide anything.

It really pisses me off when people (like yourself) get on their high horse and start judging without knowing the facts. I thought people in our community would have learned a long time ago to keep their noses out of other peoples business or bedroom whichever is the case.

I would like to thank you for ruining what had been a friendly learning thread. Please take you unknowing, judgemental, incorrect opinion some place else. I suggest next time you pass judgement on someone else you have your facts straight.

Grumpy

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I'm a little surprised and maybe a little disappointed that every response to Grumps' question was basically tips on how to successfully cheat on his partner. I also realize that he asked a question, but irrespective of whether his spouse is female (since his profile reads married) or male, is it really a good thing to cheat?

You asked a question, too.

No, cheating is not a good thing. Cheating is immoral.

---
However, no one here has been an appointed Morality Sheriff and no one should be really worrying about other people's bedroom or other business, unless asked to express his opinion on the matter.

Do yourself a huge favor, please, and recalibrate your optics, will ya?

SC

 

[blackbeltninja]

Cheating? Do you know who I am? Do you know my wife? you know absolutely nothing about me so take your judgement and go somewhere else. I asked for help at the baths not your moral standards, but since you have opened that door I will explain.

If you noticed (or does it not matter) I also said I am BI. My wife knows I am BI, has always known I am BI and supports me in every way. I have looked at gay porn on the net since we were married and never did hide it from my wife. I will be surfing and she will walk into the room. I do not have to hide what I'm doing. It is right there for her to see. She gave me a membership to Corbin Fisher for my birthday. I have desires to be with men and women. Obviously my wife cannot fulfill both of those roles. She knows and understands that. It is a shame you can't due the same. My wife knows when I am at Flex. We have an open, honest relationship. We can and do tell each other everything. I do not take my wedding wring off while at Flex or wherever else I am. I don't have anything to hide, therefor I don't hide anything.

It really pisses me off when people (like yourself) get on their high horse and start judging without knowing the facts. I thought people in our community would have learned a long time ago to keep their noses out of other peoples business or bedroom whichever is the case.

I would like to thank you for ruining what had been a friendly learning thread. Please take you unknowing, judgemental, incorrect opinion some place else. I suggest next time you pass judgement on someone else you have your facts straight.

Grumpy

Unfortunately, we all have opinions on everything, and since everything you post is fair game you're likely to run into this kind of thing more often than not.

Especially since a lot of the gay guys here at JUB seem to think that all us bi guys are interested in using men for sex only while maintaining a "fake" marriage on the side for the sake of appearances. Fake as in "you'll cheat on your wife whenever possible since you are in fact actually gay in denial and there is no such thing as bisexual", which sadly is something you'll hear often enough in certain areas of the boards.

As a result, a lot of us have a knee-jerk reaction to anyone who appears to propagate the stigma. Whether or not they do is another story, of course, but we err on the side of caution. We also disagree that there is no such thing as bisexual, of course.

In addition, on the whole we are all opposed to the idea of cheating. In part this is because the straights all think we can't keep our pants on and we don't like this image, but mostly it's because we actually don't like cheaters. Again, we err on the side of caution.

You'll find these things out as you hang out here with us in the Bi forum, as well as the more-populated Hot Topics forum.

-d-

 

[Yngbldhwk]

Grumpy: You are right. I don't know anything about you or your wife. Now, if you both have a totally open relationship then, yes, that's an entirely different proposition. If she's open-minded and not jealous, then that's fine. I honestly wasn't trying to be judgmental and if my post came across that way, then I apologize.

My issue is that, in 30 years of knowing married gay men (and there are a lot more out there than anyone realizes) and bi men w/female partners, 90% of the time when they say that their "wife or girlfriend knows and is OK with it," it just hasn't been true. Please note -- I'm not saying that's your case; but it is for a lot of others.

My point was that cheating behind a partner's back is one of the worst things that one partner can do to another. It can and often does wreck relationships, both gay ones and straight ones. And on that point I think we can all agree.

 

[subobj]

I think most everything has been covered here, just wanted to add this -- baths can be incredibly hit-or-miss. Don't know what explains it, but some nights are great, everyone's in mood to get down, other nights it's all S&M -- no, not THAT S&M, I mean "Stand and Model."

And it doesn't necessarily depend on the day of the week -- weekends can be crowded with little action, and weekdays can be fairly empty but with quite a bit of action.

Even I go through those phases-- some nights, I'm eager to have sex with any guy who turns me on, other nights, I seem to just enjoy taking in the atmosphere, being somewhat turned-on, but not necessarily playing.

Bottom line (and others have already mentioned it) is never take anything personally when it comes to cruising.

 

[ejbonk]

Most younger twinkish types aren't into older men unless they're muscular/very masculine. Get more attracted to people your age or pay for escorts.

OUCH! You could have soften it just a bit.

 

[ejbonk]

40? 40?! How about 30, or 25? Sometimes I go to a sex club full of men doing nothing and the barman tells me they've all been in there for hours just ignoring each other and turning each other away.

Then I come in and make a pass at every guy who has something I like. That chubby guy there has red hair! I love that! The skinny one there has a babyface with green eyes! I love that! And the older guy has a broad, hairy chest and muscular shoulders! I love that! And let me fuck that guy's bubble butt, or should I sit on this guy's cock first?

And then I have sex with all those guys who considered each other too ugly for each other. It's usually group sex with me in the middle and the others touching only me, not each other. Weird.

To bad your in europe.Coming to America soon?

 

[ejbonk]

Dude,

You are doing well. You are learning the ropes.

So, you went for the much-in-demand twinkish dudes and got rejected. Not a biggie, by any stretch of imagination. Cruising for sex anywhere is an experience in mostly getting rejected. That is completely immaterial. What matters is that sooner or later, one of the guys, whom you find attractive will say, 'yes' and you'll go for it. It really does not matter, how many times you fall.

It only matters, how many times you stand up again.

Once you get used to that basic rule of cruising, you'll see that the game of sexual politics beats all the known games and strategies of humanity at large. 'Who gets to screw whom' is frequently more complex than any issue of the philosophy of mathematics would ever bother to debate.

Few pointers:

Baths are basically very fine for younger dudes and everyone else, who has got a body that draws attention of the fellow cruisers. Whereas, everyone is welcome and everyone gets lucky now and then, the baths mostly work for:

1) young dudes with tight bods;
2) gym rats;
3) guys with significant endowments, who are chasing down(or are being chased down by) the size queens;
4) guys, who need an inexpensive, private nest for their regular sex meet ups.

---
You want to do just two simple things:

Decide, what you can do to look more attractive. Cool clothes, contacts, instead of old and tired glasses, some good tan, whatever. Do it all. Guys with more aces down their sleeves tend to win the game by a wide margin. Yup, a cool red Porsche, if you can afford it, does wonders, too. Whatever accentuates you natural masculinity is a MUST.

Find out, which cruising venue works best for you. Bar, ABS, sex club, bath, Craig's, MH? Keep on trying and you'll see that you fit very well into one or even more than one of the setups and do not fit so well into the other venues. This must be explored and learned.

SC

A Convertible by any manufacture works wonders too.

 

[ejbonk]

Cheating? Do you know who I am? Do you know my wife? you know absolutely nothing about me so take your judgement and go somewhere else. I asked for help at the baths not your moral standards, but since you have opened that door I will explain.

If you noticed (or does it not matter) I also said I am BI. My wife knows I am BI, has always known I am BI and supports me in every way. I have looked at gay porn on the net since we were married and never did hide it from my wife. I will be surfing and she will walk into the room. I do not have to hide what I'm doing. It is right there for her to see. She gave me a membership to Corbin Fisher for my birthday. I have desires to be with men and women. Obviously my wife cannot fulfill both of those roles. She knows and understands that. It is a shame you can't due the same. My wife knows when I am at Flex. We have an open, honest relationship. We can and do tell each other everything. I do not take my wedding wring off while at Flex or wherever else I am. I don't have anything to hide, therefor I don't hide anything.

It really pisses me off when people (like yourself) get on their high horse and start judging without knowing the facts. I thought people in our community would have learned a long time ago to keep their noses out of other peoples business or bedroom whichever is the case.

I would like to thank you for ruining what had been a friendly learning thread. Please take you unknowing, judgemental, incorrect opinion some place else. I suggest next time you pass judgement on someone else you have your facts straight.

Grumpy

I agree with Grumpy. I and my wife have a relationship that is very similar. I just do not understand where guys like you come off so high and mighty. When you know absolutely nothing. Beside some guys forget to update their profiles. ei. wife or partner has passed -on,left,separated,divorce,..etc.. Quite being so quick to judge,that is God's job not yours. Judge not,or be judged by your own standards.Or something like that.

 

[ejbonk]

Hey, I know this is a little late but what the heck I think I can speak from my own experience here which might help shed light on both sides of the fence on this subject.

I describe myself as what you might call Bi. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years now, and no I didnt marry her because I wanted to hide in a relationship and play the field as some tend to think. I really really love my wife at the time when I married her...and still do more than anything in the world. It would rip my heart out to pieces if we were separated. However, during this time which we have been together I have on occasions been out cruising for guys for what I call petty sex (jerking, sucking, no anal). Sometimes I just get incredible urges for guys that I cannot control. Now she did find out about this...and when she found out she was extremely distraught and hurt. Now I felt every ounce of that pain that she felt and can vouch the fact its no fun at all. I rate it as being one of the most painful experience known to mankind to have your total trust being shattered. Now I am not proud of my actions but my point of sharing this is that I and many Bi guys like me do not go planning a marriage to have something to hide behind to the world. We genuinely do love our partners and married them at the time in good faith. But as time past we discover somehow our sex life with a woman doesnt fully satisfy and a deep hunger seems to grows for sex with other guys.

Unfortunately sometimes the same as hetero or gay guy, bi guys cheat on their partner too.

WOW! That is the most honest thing,I have ever read.And your right on about the deep hunger thing too. Very well put.

 

[Yngbldhwk]

ejbonk: I hope you ready my second reply to Grumpy. If not, I would ask that you do so.

I will say it again: you and your wife may have an open relationship, and that's fine. But plenty of other married gay and bi men don't.

I'm more bisexual than primarily gay or primarily straight, and I do understand that emotions and relationships can be very complex.