HELP DUDES!! Sex Related Question

[HellYeahSurf]

I wanted to get some feedback from my fellow guys on this ......

particularly those who hook up alot....say theres a guy you really like, ur okay with being his fuck buddy or whatnot. he has alot of things going on and so do you, u dont want to become a weight in his life...but u really enjoy his company and whatnot..you have not hooked up with him yet but u know its bound to happen any day now....

so the question is i already know that before and during our hook up things r gona b so intense & hot but as soon as we both cum i know its gonna b awkward-ville.

how do u deal with the awkward moment?

i myself dont know what to say, or do...

should i leave so that i can have him thinking about me and wanting more?

should i stay the night?

usually a guy's behavior is EXTREMELY different from before sex and after sex. just a way us guys r wired i guess. its almost as if we become distant and u know the other person becomes hard to read which makes it even more awkward..

so many questions....

any real life stories/experiences as to how to make the moment after sex less awkward will be appreciated

thanks guys

 

[G-Lexington]

It's awkward only if you want it to be. Why not just act the way you'd want him to act? After you're both totally done, say "That was great. I'd love to do it again sometime if you're up for it." Ask if it's OK if you take a shower, and ask if he'd like to join you. If he doesn't, if it seems like he's feeling awkward, just smile and say "That's cool." Shower, come back in wearing the towel, and say "Is it OK if I stay the night? It's cool if you'd rather I didn't." And if you sense any hesitation in his answer, take that as a "I'd rather you didn't." In which case, say "That's cool." Get dressed, and say "Talk to you tomorrow, K?" And leave.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

It depends on how well you know the guy. If he's a friend or someone you are in a relationship with, there's an emotional connection that allows you two to relate well with other. Usually after sex you may want to cuddle, talk about things you find interesting in your life, or get up and go grab a bite to eat. My assumption after sex is that you resume your daily social activities with that friend or loved one.

For a stranger, or someone you don't know very well, there is no bond. You're not sure of how each of you should behave towards each other after sex. Thus, you may feel awkward afterwards. Which is why some guys find the need to leave right away, and probably never see the person again.

 

[cityboi]

I always spend the nite with anyone I hook up with. I like to cuddle and talk and compliment them on some parts of their body that I like. I would be hurt if anyone wanted me right out the door and never could I do that to anyone.

 

[HellYeahSurf]

I always spend the nite with anyone I hook up with. I like to cuddle and talk and compliment them on some parts of their body that I like. I would be hurt if anyone wanted me right out the door and never could I do that to anyone.

doesnt this kind of behavior come off as "clingy" and push the other guy away?

 

[HellYeahSurf]

It's awkward only if you want it to be. Why not just act the way you'd want him to act? After you're both totally done, say "That was great. I'd love to do it again sometime if you're up for it." Ask if it's OK if you take a shower, and ask if he'd like to join you. If he doesn't, if it seems like he's feeling awkward, just smile and say "That's cool." Shower, come back in wearing the towel, and say "Is it OK if I stay the night? It's cool if you'd rather I didn't." And if you sense any hesitation in his answer, take that as a "I'd rather you didn't." In which case, say "That's cool." Get dressed, and say "Talk to you tomorrow, K?" And leave.

Lex

"do u want to take a shower with me?"
"can i stay over?":

i dont kno!! all of this just seems like coming off as needy...im scared of pushing him away

again i dont mind being just his fuck buddy , not like im trying to be his boyfriend or anything but at same time..he has ALOT of guys going after him i need to somehow stand out from the crowd and not be all clingy...and at same time i cant do the opposite either and come off as cold...

gahhh! i dont know what to do i guess i need to find a balance.

more personal experience stories from u guys would help ALOT

 

[Coffee]

"do u want to take a shower with me?"
"can i stay over?":

i dont kno!! all of this just seems like coming off as needy...im scared of pushing him away

again i dont mind being just his fuck buddy , not like im trying to be his boyfriend or anything but at same time..he has ALOT of guys going after him i need to somehow stand out from the crowd and not be all clingy...and at same time i cant do the opposite either and come off as cold...

gahhh! i dont know what to do i guess i need to find a balance.

more personal experience stories from u guys would help ALOT

Does him consider you different from those guys? If not (which I really hope you're particular for him), well if not, it's hard to do so.
And don't be too worried about being clingy or so on, if he doesn't like it and he care about you then he'll tell you or let you know in some ways. If you're too worried you may end up messing things up, and act differently from "the real you" who he likes. Don't let yourself be confused from over-thinking.
Best of lucks.

 

[jubalon]

That's the deal with hook-ups, I guess. No emotial bonding is expected, but it there's always a danger for it happening. I mean, after all you get pretty close to a person through hot, steamy sex. You'll can build up hopes and expectations and whatnot, but it's probably not the wisest thing to do.

For my own part, I prefer staying the night (or at least for a while) and cuddle and talk some.

 

[dt75006]

You're going at it all wrong.

A fuck buddy is someone you have sex with and no other expectations should come into it. At the same time, if you want to still be a friend with him then don't make it out to be sex all the time. If you only call him when you wanna fuck he's gonna get tired of that.

Maybe you need to look at it from a different perspective. Don't be a fuck buddy to him, be a friend with benefits. Talk to him, hang out with him, invite him to places, stuff like that. Don't make it out to be about sex everytime you get together, sometimes when you get together it will be to fuck and other times it's just to be social. If you be his friend, and listen to him, and take an interest in things he's interested in then you will have a better and longer relationship with each other. But if you only call when you wanna fuck then eventually he's going to feel like he's just a piece of meat to you and things will end real quick.
Just play it cool, don't push the sex all the time, take actions that will convince him you view him as a person and not just a fuck and your relationship will be better for it.

As for what to do after the sex, it really just depends on the actual situation. If he jumps out of bed and starts doing the dishes then it's probably obvious you don't need to be hanging around too much longer. If he starts to cuddle with you then just let him do it and hang out with him for awhile. You'll be able to tell from his actions whether "he's done, you need to leave now" or whether he enjoys having you hang around for awhile.

As for spending the night, I would say you probably shouldn't do that unless he specifically invites you to do so. I really can't offer any more than that because I've never had that problem come up. Reason being is because I don't sleep anywhere other than home. Period. I am in my bed at the end of the night, I don't care who wants to come with me or doesn't want to come me, alone or otherwise, I am in my bed at the end of the night.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>i dont kno!! all of this just seems like coming off as needy...im scared of pushing him away

It's not meant to sound needy - it's meant to put him at ease. If you just assume you're staying the night, that might weird him out, but if you just head for the door, that might make him feel like he didn't do it right. So instead of trying to guess which he wants, or trying to read body language - which, as far as I'm concerned, will look far more hesitant and be far more awkward - just ask.

Asking won't sound needy if you do it from a position of assertiveness. You're not trying to seduce him into taking a shower with you - you're just going to take a shower to wash the sex off, one way or the other, and you're inviting him along. The way you might say "I'm gonna swing by Burger King - you want to come along?" You're not going to act crushed if he says no - it's just a nice invitation. Ditto staying the night. You're not begging him to not kick you out into the cold. You're letting him know that you're open to the idea, but if he'd rather sleep alone - as some guys do - you won't take it personal.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I think that when you're done, you should just pull on your clothes and leave.

Or you might just fuck at your house and then make up your own rules.

 

[boiseboy]

Or you might just fuck at your house and then make up your own rules.

Best advice in this thread.

That way, its up to this dude on what he wants to do. If he wants to stay the night, then thats cool. Next time you hook up with him at his house, you'll know he's not opposed to the idea.

 

[Lube]

Fuck buddies rarely stay the night. For many guys, I think it's a self-defense mechanism so they won't accidentally get too attached.

And just your message here sounds kinda clingy. Are you sure you just want him as an fb and not a bf?

 

[koibito24]

i wouldnt stay the night unless if asked to. i would compliment the sex, ask to take a quick shower, get out and start getting dressed. if he asks where are you going, just simply reply that you didnt know if you could stay the night. if he doesnt say anything while youre getting dressed, then its clear you need to go home. say youll call to hang out, as in socially, sometime. thats how i think it should be done.

 

[spunk-junky]

Hooking up at your place and putting the burden on him to decide these things is the best advice here. Then you can gauge by his actions how you should proceed at future encounters. You describe the situation as being a fuck buddy, NOT a date, so to me the proper etiquette is to not stick around. Definitely complement the sex. Mention you'd love to hook up again (if you actually want to). Requesting a quick shower is perfectly ok, then get dressed and go. Keep it light. Don't get bogged down with too much thinking!

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, why do you "know" it's gonna be awkward? What's telling you that? Is it his behavior? Your issues? Sex with a FB shouldn't be awkward, that's the point of a FB.

Back in my slut years, I never brought a stranger to my place. Why? I knew I wasn't a psycho, If I wanted to get out, I could. But this guy isn't a stranger. You obviously are somewhat in tune with him or you wouldn't be assuming things were going to be awkward.

Second, are you the kind of guy who can do the FB thing without complications? Some guys can't. I had a friend who I was sleeping with for about a year. I thought we were just FBs, which is how that started. I even told him repeatedly I didn't want a BF. He said he was fine with that, and he tried to be. But he wasn't, it ended in a nasty jealous explosion when I found a guy I did want to date and it wasn't him. Lost him as a friend too.

As to what to do with the "awkward," moment. Well. Said it before, no matter what you do and say, humor and confidence. The hardest thing to gauge is whether the other guy wants you to stay. So don't try. Make a game plan going in. BEFORE you have sex, make a plan, tell him you'll be leaving or that you would like to stay. That puts the ball in his court and he can decide before you ever get to awkward how he wants to play things.

How do you do that? Slip it into your flirting/conversation.

"I'd love to fuck you till dawn but I have to be back so I can get up to go to work." Off the top of my head. But really, you should be able to work something similar into the conversation that works better for your situation. If he wants you to stay, It's been my experience that the guy will try and convince you otherwise. If he says nothing about it, get your ass home.

Remember -confidence and humor. You're going for pleasure and companionship here not happily ever after. The easier you play the situation the less pressure, the less pressure the greater the chance at getting the FB you want, not the drama you don't. So keep a light hand on the reins, and try and project that this is about fun, not matrimony.