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help....first date with a guy

  • Thread starter Thread starter ivyguy24
  • Start date Start date
I

ivyguy24

Guest
I just was asked out on my first gay date, and I'm trying to think of things we can do without me being too socially awkward.

Here's the situation. I'm bi, but had been going out w/ the same girl for almost two years...we went to colleges on opposite ends of the state and things just didn't work out. So I'm single for the first time in quite a while.

I met a guy through a friend, and he asked me out. He suggested dinner. I accepted, since I think it could be fun and I'd like to get to know him better.

I'm flattered he asked me out, and it has the postential to be fun, but at the same time it's a pretty new situation, and I'm nervous that things also have the potential to get pretty awkward because while he's openly gay, only a couple people (literally) know I'm bi, and I don't think I'm comfortable displaying affection in public. He's also older than I am (I'm 19, he's 25 and a grad student at my university), and he seems to be looking for a serious relationship, and I'm just not looking for that right now. While I have done everything short of sex with a guy, I've never been out on a date...so I'm kind of nervous.

So, I'm not sure what he had in mind, we haven't figured out exactly where we're going or what we're doing yet. I think a quiet romantic dinner out would be kind of uncomfortable, but can't really think of good casual things to do. My college is in a fairly small city (typical college town type atmosphere), so there's a decent amount of things around, but I just can't think of the ideal date....any ideas?
 
How about a not so quiet dinner out. You know, like TGIF or some sort of a restaurant with a bar and some activity. The hustle and bustle of people may help aleve any awkward pauses in the conversation. Also, it wouldn't appear so much as a date to other people if its a crowded active place.

About the date itself, I'd say just be yourself and you will probably do fine. You have your entire life of experiences to draw from for conversation. If your sexuality comes up I'd be honest with him about your level of experience and that you consider yourself bi.

Good luck. It will feel strange but also very exciting. Have fun!
 
wELL, UMMMMM HE ASKED YOU OUT SO IT'S KINDA HIS "JOB" TO PLAN THE DATE. lET HIM AND QUIT STRESSING OUT. jUST DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO, OTHERWISE, LET HIM TAKE THE LEAD, HE ASKED YOU........
 
Hey richard, that actually sounds like a good idea. He knows my situation, so with any luck he will plan accordingly...surprises are good.
 
I'll just say that you should be yourself and who you are. Dates are usually where people get to know the other person and things can go from there. If you're honest with him and he is interested in knowing you and developing the friendship, he should respect your wishes. You don't have to do things you don't want to do. So, relax, sit back and let the date unfold itself. You need to take it a step at a time. Remember, be yourself. If you don't like something, let him know without offending. Good luck and keep us updated eh?
 
I like Riverrick's fun restaurant idea. It'll make it easy and not seem so date-like. Movies... hard b/c they get awkward since you don't talk. Other fun dating activities (I like to have stuff to focus on rather than a date)... pool/darts, bowling, go-karts (I know, juvenile, but I LOVE riding go karts), mini-golf. All of these have in common that you're not stuck with awkwardness b/c you're constantly doing something. Just relax, have fun and be yourself. Don't do anything you don't want to do. And be honest.

While I have done everything short of sex with a guy, I've never been out on a date
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so I have to ask... no sex, no date but "everything else"... does that mean you've kissed a guy (b/c that's all that's coming to mind for me).
 
cool, I like the casual dinner and minigolf seems like it might actually work because you're doing something, but at the same time you're not so involved that it's not detracting..

and in responce to jockboy: I messed around with a guy a while ago...making out and oral. lol, sorry I wan't clear...

will keep you posted...i'm out of town next week (schools on break), so it won't happen till after that.
 
UPDATE

So the date happened last saturday...not really good news though.

We went to a casual place for dessert and coffee (good move)...but I get there, and he showed buzzed (bad move). He wasn't drunk, but I could tell he had a little to drink.

So we go in, things seemed ok. But then the conversation shifted, and he seemed primarily interested in my sexual history...every time I'd try to ask him something about himself, he'd digress into something like:

"When did you know you were into guys?"
"are you sure you're bi?"
"so, what have you done with a guy?"

and so on....which I wouldn't particularly mind if we were friends in a more private situation, but it was just plain awkward and the guy couldn't take a hint, and he wouldn't let the conversation shift. If you were meeting someone for the first time are these the type of questions you'd ask? or was it just me being uptight, idk.

So we walked me back to my house, the conversation was a little better..he came up to my porch...i gave him a polite kiss good night, and that was the end of it. Before the date I found him attractive and would have invited him in, but by the end of it just wanted to get away.

I don't think I'll be meeting him again...not sure if i'd do the whole thing over if I could, being in a slightly uncomfortable situation is fine. But I wasn't expecting things to be so awkward...

Does it sound like it's just me being uptight? I don't really know...the whole things just gotten me disappointed, and a little confused as to what i was looking for and why I met him in the first place...
 
Happy that you actually have a date as i find that with alot of gay guys its all about sex; no one dates anymore so its good to see that dating and getting to know someone is not extinct.
 
UGH!

Yea, I would definitely be disappointed. I'm really sorry that it didn't go well... I've had lots of experiences like this actually. Obviously this guy was looking for something different and you just weren't on the same page. But don't be discouraged! Every time I go on a date with a guy I don't know very well I try not to build up my expectations. I think maybe that was the problem here... you were nervous and had all these expectations that weren't fulfilled. You definitely aren't uptight - I would feel the exact same way and I've been in a good amount of relationships.

But hey, it's a learning experience and you'll have plenty more dates that will be amazing (esp. compared to this one). Just try to be optimistic about it and look on the bright side. It could always be worse!!

Take care :)
 
He was way too pushy and self-involved - there seems to be something of the chickenhawk in his attitude. You can see the advantage of having that first meeting in a public place - imagine if you'd gone to dinner in his apartment?

I imagine he was nervous and had taken a few drinks for Dutch courage. He's probably beating himself up for behaving so crassly. he may not have had much dating experience himself.
 
newboy12 said:
Happy that you actually have a date as i find that with alot of gay guys its all about sex; no one dates anymore so its good to see that dating and getting to know someone is not extinct.
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I'm not going to address the original posters concerns, but the above statement I will.
WTF?
 
thanks, spreadeagle....that's kind of what I was thinking.

Ah, the whole thing was a huge disappointment.

thanks Adam...makes me feel better about leaving him outside, I did feel bad, because it was pretty blatant that I just wanted to leave.
 
I think what you were looking for was a connection with a guy and it didn't happen.

Don't give up. Keep trying and some day you'll get what you want.
 
I agree with RiverRick - keep trying and don't lower your standards - I do not condone the actions of your date - take care & celebrate your life
 
Yeah, sounds to me actually like the guy has his own issues with his sexuality. That's probably why he needed the liquid courage. And probably why he asked all of those questions. I find that guys don't ask those questions to get in your pants so much. It is more of a comfort with who they are and trying to see where they stand in relation to you so to speak. Guys that are comfortable with themselves don't ask that as much. Move on and don't worry about it.
 
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