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Help for my friend please

P

paris_0011

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SO I came out to my friend last night. he was ok with it. I always thought he was straight but last night he told me he fooled around with his male cousin when he was 14,15 and 17. it happened 3 times and he initiated it. it was only oral and only with the same guy

He says he is not gay/bi. and he is christian. Like he is very religious. and I asked him how he explains those things that happened, he said "I just wanted to see his dick get big. as simple as that" and he thinks its normal for straight guys to blow other guys. He also thinks its normal for straight guys to get aroused by other naked man in the shower!

I personally think he is in denial and he is bisexual. he is a very good friend of mine. I am worried about him. he said he will never date a man since its against his religion. and he accused me of feeding him closeted gay/bi stuff and said i was trying to brainwash him. he got very defensive when i was only trying to help him :(

Anyone can help me?
 
Paris,

While you might be correct - he might be bi - you can not force him to face the truth or to deal with it. To force the issue is the best way to destroy a friendship.

I know it would be great if he would accept what you think and then joined you in a relationship. But be a friend first. If he is as you think, the first and greatest roadblock to his acceptance is his views on religion. How religious are you? Would you research the issue and ask him to discuss it with you? Don't bring him into the discussion, only talk about other's views and what you read.

I am not sure that individually we have the right to deny people their right to live in self-delusion. We can provide education and participate in discussion. But to attack another's beliefs makes it too personal, only brings out the defensiveness and leads to emotional arguments.

Hope you a friends enough and patient enough to allow him his delusions. Good luck
 
Don't try to force the issue with him;
It's not your's to deal with;

Just because someone's fooled around with boys as a teen doesn't necessarily mean that they will identify as gay/bi.
 
straight guys are allowed to question and decide they are straight after.

Hence the term "questioning" or "Bi-curious"

edit: same goes for gay dudes and chicks
 
To Rand,

I think that yes religion is the biggest roadblock. He is very religious. I am not religious. I do not believe in a god.
He said he would never go against his god.
I will research the topic and help him out no matter what but like many others said, I cannot force the issue on him.
 
You cannot help him unless he wants helped. Just chill out. Be a friend. Let him know he can talk to you if he wants to. Don't be judgmental, and live your life.
 
Paris_0011,
I think your friend was only trying to relate, that's all. He didn't tell you those things to be judged any differently just as you didn't tell him that you are gay to be judged any differently. You are assigning a label to him that he isn't comfortable with and that might not be true as well. It's not right, and it's only going to be counter productive to try force an idea on him. Also, note that some people do experiment with both sex's. Just because they might have experimented with a man before doesn't make him gay. I would have probably asked him if he still thinks about doing those sort of things, etc. But that's just me, I am rather curious. I probably would have told him that I don't really like blowjobs all that much either.

My advice, stop making things awkward and if you are concerned about your friend, listen to him, ask questions, and try to understand. Maybe encourage him, but there comes a point when it's just too much. You need to drop your assumptions, and just let things be- As long as they are happy, then what does it matter?
 
I fooled around with a friend when I was 12-14.

He went on to fuck girls.

I didn't.

Back off trying to meddle in your friend's life unless he asks you to.
 
Yeah, this isn't yours to "fix." You couldn't anyway.

We as gay guys have this tendency to push hard, sometimes the other guy is gay, and sometimes he isn't, but always, it's not being a friend.

If you try and "help" him - whatever that means anyway (help him be gay? what if he isn't?) You're going to push him away.
 
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