Help from the guys who are out!

[Eagle653]

Each time I came out to friends, I considered all the possible repercussions. But, that's my nature. Anyway, I got to the point where I wanted them to know more than I wanted them to be friends on false assumptions. That's what pushed me over the edge to do it.

In each case, the reaction was fine. Most didn't care, already knew, but I guess the common bottom-line reaction was two-fold: 1) thanks for telling me; and 2) I don't care as long as you're happy. I don't know that you can ask for anything more from friends.

Lastly, I think your friends' reaction to your news can depend on how its presented to them. If you're comfortable with it, confident of your feelings, then let that show. They'll know you're serious and not on some mood-swing or something. Whatever you do, don't act sheepish or make apologies for who you are.

Depending on the friend, and your relationship with him, you might want to emphasize that you don't have a crush on them, and it is not your goal to get into their pants (even if it is, say it isn't for the sake of the friendship). Straight guys are kind of weird about that--they are largely so uninformed about gayness that they (incorrectly) assume that all gay men are after all men and their myopic focus in life is sex, period. If that's the case with one or more of your friends, you'll need to reassure him. (A classic straight-man line to clue you in that he's thinking that is: "Why are you telling me this?")

Anyway, good luck! Let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

 

[G-Lexington]

I lost a total of zero friends by coming out. Then again, I didn't have a ton of friends. You might say I went more for quality than quanity. All of my friends are of the tried-n-true sort, who will sit up until dawn talking with you if you feel that's what you need.

Did any of them "change" at all? No. Then again, we weren't the skinny dipping type, so there wasn't exactly any thing to change there. I ended up spending the night at a friend's house soon after coming out, and he offered to let me share his bed. Not in a sexual way - as in a "there's not really anywhere else to sleep" sort of way. So presumbaly he was cool with everything.

Lex

 

[Skinslife]

My straight male friends were weirded out for about a day or so but they got over it, they had to.. because it wasn't changing. They're completely fine with everything now and are pretty much the same around me.

 

[Telstra]

Each time I came out to friends, I considered all the possible repercussions. But, that's my nature. Anyway, I got to the point where I wanted them to know more than I wanted them to be friends on false assumptions. That's what pushed me over the edge to do it.

In each case, the reaction was fine. Most didn't care, already knew, but I guess the common bottom-line reaction was two-fold: 1) thanks for telling me; and 2) I don't care as long as you're happy. I don't know that you can ask for anything more from friends.

Lastly, I think your friends' reaction to your news can depend on how its presented to them. If you're comfortable with it, confident of your feelings, then let that show. They'll know you're serious and not on some mood-swing or something. Whatever you do, don't act sheepish or make apologies for who you are.

Depending on the friend, and your relationship with him, you might want to emphasize that you don't have a crush on them, and it is not your goal to get into their pants (even if it is, say it isn't for the sake of the friendship). Straight guys are kind of weird about that--they are largely so uninformed about gayness that they (incorrectly) assume that all gay men are after all men and their myopic focus in life is sex, period. If that's the case with one or more of your friends, you'll need to reassure him. (A classic straight-man line to clue you in that he's thinking that is: "Why are you telling me this?")

Anyway, good luck! Let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

nice adive.

 

[Echoes]

From my experience I didn't lose anyone, the reactions were different but most of them nice, for instance 1) thanks for telling me, I don't care, I'm with you, what are friends for? 2) wow, I'd never realized it but its ok if you're ok with that. 3) hey me too! (that was the most surprisingly) 4) why are you telling me this? I would've been better without knowing it (the worse, but at the end nothing changed). I know I'm lucky about that but I think that's how things have to be. If you've got real friends you won't lose anyone whether they act nice or not at the beginning, some people need more time to understand but in the end they do. My experience was kinda weird really, the only person that seemed to be freaked out was a woman, thought she was in love with me but she never told me, nevertheless she realized that there was nothing to do and we are still close friends nowadays. lucky me that I've got really good friends and nobody looked at me as if I were a depraved man, but some straight guys tend to think that until they read and realized that we are just gay and being gay has nothing to do with being depraved.

well man hope my little story works for you and had encouraged you to go out with your friends. best of luck!

 

[G-Lexington]

Another sort of bit to mull over.

About 15 years back. I went through a pretty bad depression. When I told one of my friends what I was going through, he said, "Wow, that sounds kinda heavy. I don't know if I want to deal with any of that. Why don't you just call me when it's all over?"

Not surprisingly, he's not my friend anymore. And I didn't feel like I screwed up by telling him about my depression. His reaction just made me realize that perhaps our friendship wasn't all that tight. True friendships can withstand things. All my other friends said, "Let me know how I can help." Those were my real friends.

Lex

 

[godson112]

I didn't lose anyone.
And what everyone else has said is true. If people don't treat you nice or don't like it, they're not worthy of being your friend.

 

[DonDon]

When I came out to my friends I was worried about the same thinks you were. It turned out that all my friends already knew or suspected and were totally cool with it. I only had one friend who tried to overcompensate by being too nice and always apologizing for making gay jokes. I remember one time my friends were putting a stag party together for a buddy who was getting married and this friend kept saying "we're getting a stripper, um... but maybe she'll have a boyfriend for you to look at... um... we'll find something for you... maybe you can bring a video or something". Like I had suddenly become this alien and wouldn't be able to be in the same room with a stripper. It was really weird. But that was an isolated case.

I have to echo what other guys are saying here. Anyone who is not cool with you being gay is not really your friend. And if you lie to keep someone your friend then you are not a very good friend either. Friends will be friends with each other when both are truthful and like each other for who they really are. And anyone who won't be your friend because you're gay is not worthy of your friendship. And you are too good to accept anyone less than a true friend.

Thanks for bringing this question here and giving us the opportunity to talk about it.