Help getting over a person who took advantage of you

[StlKj]

Yes.

1. Don't ever take him back or speak to him again. He's a user, and even though he told you early on and gave you signs that he would never want a relationship with you, you still treated him like he was reciprocating your love. He wasn't. He used you for sex, for a place to stay, for money, and for spring-boarding himself into the gay "lifestyle". This man was never who you thought he was, while the whole time he was showing and telling you who he actually is. You ignored the signs.

2. Because you let him get that far with using you, you're going to have to be very careful not to do the same thing with the next guy that comes along. Anyone who lets someone use him as much as you let this guy is probably drawn to unavailable pricks, even when they let him know up front they're unavailable pricks.

3. To repeat #1, NEVER let him back into your life again. He may not try, but chances are when he wants something or when others get his number, he'll come back to use you again. Do not let him. Especially now that he's physically assaulted you.

4. Stay out of relationships for just a little while, at least until you can make sure you aren't going to fall for a prick again. Take things slowly with the next person. Remember that real love is not one-sided, nor is is immediate. Make sure you love yourself enough not to fall for an abusive user ever again.

Hope that helps. Hang in there.

 

[timnmostud]

What you described was a completely disfunctional unhealthy relationship! You have a right to feel all of your emotions. You should be done with it and not even think of revisiting that. I am no ttrying to lay anything at your feet, but you may want to get some counseling for yourself to sort this out and to change the parts of you that allowed you to stay in this for any length of time. What you describe cannot be healthy for anyone. You deserve to have a happy healthy relationship. Good luck to you! Keep us posted on your progress!

 

[nsguy2]

Wow, quite a story.

I guess you know already that you were used and suspect it's closure you're looking for now. In other words you want him to feel remorse for what he done to you. Losers like him seldom do.

The only thing I personally know of that works is to stop letting him control you. I don't mean telling him to stop but stop yourself from allowing the whole situation to control you.

I know it's tough, but to be honest, he doesn't give a shit about you or how you feel and you need to convince yourself that he isn't worth the effort.

You'll physically AND emotionally exhaust yourself over this jackass - he IS NOT WORTH IT!

Try to get your mind off of what he done to you and move on the best you can. I can't tell you how to do that. You need to decide what's the best way.

I'm sure that many others here have better advice than I as they probably have more experiecne in these situations

Finally, good luck and the next time he comes near you with a plate, ram it down his ******* throat!

 

[Eagle653]

^^^I'm glad you're considering counseling, not because there's anything wrong with you, but because these kinds of experiences really batters one's self-esteem.

Sorry you went through that. As others have said, he's a user--and evidently a violent one at that. I'm happy that you place the blame squarely on him, which is where it belongs.

Even though you are younger than he, you're light-years ahead in maturity than him. Being the first relationship for both, I think you had yourself figured out sooner than he did and knew what you wanted (him) sooner than he did. I think he probably struggled more with who he is and needed to play in the candy store more before settling down.

Well, he's now behind you. Congratulations about that. You seem like the type who will recover and learn. All the best to you. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.

 

[cynicus]

Someone smash a plate over my head and he would be picking pieces of crockery out of his ass for a week. How you put up with that kind of shit for so long is beyond me. All the advice is right--keep him out of your life.

 

[rareboy]

I also agree that some counselling is in order. You need someone to help you understand that his assault on your self-esteem is not about you; it is about his inadequacy as a human creature. The loss of self worth; the 'I've been so stupid' agony after it is all over can become a pattern with some people. You need to make sure you never gravitate toward a psycho like him again.

Somewhere out there is a loving and sharing responsible adult guy that will care for you as much as you care for him.

Best of luck and hopefully others in abusive, dead-end relationships will read your post and toss their bf's out with the trash as well.

 

[racer2438]

hold your head high and just keep going. These guys are a "dime a dozen"
Take some time to heal and then move on to a next chapter in life.

be a bit more carefull, look for the signs and you have aclue now and keep your eyes and options open.

 

[j0rdan]

To make it short - this guy sounds like (and I'm sure 'IS') a Total Sleaze-Bag!

If I were you, I'd be Very cautious as to NOT have sexual relations with him in the future (if you ever do) as one can just imagine how many STDs this lying bitch contracted already.

This guy is obviously 'too good' for you - meaning, that he's 'too good' for anyone *decent*, and all things associated with decency.


In summary, this guy doesn't deserve to be with anyone with ANY ounce of commitment or decency, and because of the nature of his sleaziness - that's the only thing he'll find. So Cheer up and look to the Future!

- Jordan

Hey guys, thanks for opening the topic. I need help in getting over my resentment and anger towards a man who took advantage of me.

Here's the scenario. I was 19, and the guy was 23. When we first got together, it was actually his first gay sexual experience. So we were hot and heavy for the first couple of months. We started out as friends, but as things progressed, we eventually began to be like boyfriends. We did everything that people in a relationship do. It got to the point where I felt like, I cant keep giving myself to you physically, emotionally, when we are not even in a relationship. Then he told me, "You know, I just can't be in a relationship with a man, I want a wife and kids" "No, theres nothing wrong with you, if I was going to be in a relationship with a man, it would be you" "I'm just not in a good position to be in a relationship right now" At the time I accepted this, because he has a Pentocostal Christian background, so I thought there may be some issues that he had to work through first. So I go along with the situation, but then things began to change. He started talking sexually and having semi-phone sex with a mutual friend of ours, even going so far as to tell the mutual friend that he wanted to be penetrated by him. For some reason, he always said that he didn't want to go there yet, so I thought he didnt want to have anal sex yet. But he told out friend that he wanted to be fucked by him. So I confront him about that because it hurt me, and he apologized and said he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again. But as time went by, he started wanting to have sex less and less. And when we did have sex, there was little to no emotional connection there like there was before, it consisted mostly of me just sucking his dick and him laying back. And it started happening less and less. I asked him why he didnt wanna have sex with me, but it was always "Well I have to go to work tomorrow" or "I'm tired". Then I found out that he had resumed the sexual conversations with that same mutual friend. (Who was really not my friend any longer) I confronted him about this, and the same apology came and the same promise to not do it again. SO as we go a little longer, he saysthat its his fantasy for me and him to have a threesome with another man. I agree, mostly because he wasnt having sex with me and it seemed like that was the oinly way to get sex with him. We created an adam4adam profile, had sex with a couple guys. In between time, we stopped having sex with eachother completely. I had become uncomfortable even initiating it, because I was didnt want the feeling of rejection. So we stopped having threesomes, and then we stopped having sex altogether. Then, one day I hear him on the phone late one night talking to another guy. It sounded like a 'lets get to know eachother' conversation. So I confronted him about it, and he said "Damn, you dont want me to even have FRIENDS, do YOU?!" But I wasnt buying it, so I said whatever. Then a few days later,, he confessed to me that he had created a separate adam4adam account, and was trying to get to know guys romantically. One guy in particular, the one he was on the phone with, he said he felt like he really should get to know. I was shocked and stunned. The man I was in love with telling me that he wanted to be with someone else. He told me that he thought he had found a guy that he would want to be in a relationship with.

So then I'm thinking somethings wrong with me, Im not good enough. Plus, the fact that I had let this guy live with me for over a year at this point, rent free, he never helped me with any bills around the house and only even had a job for like, 1 month of the whole time we lived together. So our relationship sours, with me lashing out at him whenever he did something I didn't like. One day I came home and he was on the Webcam, masturbating for this guy that he was talking to. After that, I told him he had to leave and we had a big argument. He left, then came back. The next day he cooked breakfast, and I said "You fucked it up - like you do most things" and he smashed the plate of food over my head. After that, I told him he had to get his things and leave immediately.

Now I am feeling hurt, used, angry, and resentful about how things went down. Anyone have any advice?

 

[spreadeagle]

The best way you can get over this is by reviewing the stages of your relationshipwith this guy and noting the times when you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. I think that things progressed to the extent they did because you kept giving more and more leeway instead of sticking to your own standards and morality.

The important thing is not so much what happened in the past as taking steps to ensure you don't put yourself in a similar situation in the future. As a general rule of thumb: let the first insult pass without comment; the second time you tell him that you don't appreciate that sort of behaviour, explain why and tell him that if it's repeated it'll all be over between you; the third time stick to your word.

In this way you can cut through all the crap so much faster and minimise the heartache.

 

[DOCTOR]

move on; and you'll find a person who will love and respect you!