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HELP!!! I Have a Crush on my Boss!

trawler69

trawler69

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I Think all the advice you are going to get is going to be a resounding no. You say you are out but are you out to him? If you are then he obviously isn't interested. If you are not then first you would have to come out to him but not let on that you have any feelings for him before you find out his reaction. Whatever the case is it worth jeopardizing your job over this, because either way you are risking it. Definitely don't do anything until you have been transferred and even think twice afterwards as managers communicate.

Well I have listed the usual dangers for you to consider and offered my thoughts. I am sure others will follow. It's all food for thought.
 
You're new to being out. You want everyone you're attracted to, to be gay, as well. But this is your boss...don't go there!
 
uhm,tell him you are gay if he doesnt know.
you should see if he is a homophobe or not.
if he doesnt have a problem with gay ppl then you should tell him how you feel.
it doesnt matter that he is your boss.
good luck.
 
Sorry, it DOES matter if he's your boss. You're treading into some really dangerous territory here. If you really really want to pursue this, find another job, and quit this one. Then there won't be any conflict.

That said, I do think that the odds aren't in your favor. Just because he may be coming out of a lousy relationship doesn't mean he's ready to jump the fence.

Lex
 
There's nothing wrong with telling him you're gay PER SE. I wouldn't announce it, but rather bring it up when it next comes up. It doesn't take too much work to nudge the conversation in that direction.

I would definitely NOT tell him you're interested in him. Expressing sexual interest in your boss - no matter the genders or orientations of those involved - is a recipe for disaster.

Lex
 
I would have to agree with G-Lexington. You may know him on a somewhat 'friendly' level, but you don't know him like that. I do agree that you should bring up the fact that you are gay, if that's what you want, but do not announce it. Making your sexuality known in the work place is a very big and scary thing. Some people may take it okay and resume with whatever they are doing, but others may not take it so easily. There are some people in this world who will then get scared and try and say that you sexually harassed them or something, the same could happen if you told your boss you are crushing on him. I would be very cautious... but I do wish you luck. I know how it is to have a crush on your instructor, boss, etc.
 
KLTboy said:
...There are some people in this world who will then get scared and try and say that you sexually harassed them or something, the same could happen if you told your boss you are crushing on him. I would be very cautious...
Click to expand...

Yep, best to keep sex out of the workplace.
 
You have no real, personal connection with him. To out yourself and/or to say you have feelings for the guy would sound creepy from his perspective.

You seriously need to invest your energies and feelings onto someone else. This is not healthy.
 
These kinds of crushes rarely lead to anything. When they do, there are usually unmistakable signs from the other guy that he's interested too. If you haven't seen anything like that, he's not feeling it.

Kidding around with gay nicknames etc. doesn't count. Straight guys always do that among themselves.

If you want to come out, and it comes up in a natural way in the conversation, I don't see anything wrong with that. But I doubt if it will lead to anything.

Save this guy to jerk off to and look elsewhere for real sex.
 
No. No, no, no...

Even apart from the impications of industrial sexual harassment there is absolutely no indication that X has any sexual interest in you at all. Everything, all your interest, has been self-generated and you've made the situation worse by fixating on your idea of him while jacking off.

The only positive aspect is that the realisation you are attracted to another man has given greater clarity about your own sexual orientation.

If your job is as easily replaceable as you suggest you'd be better off focusing your energies on finding employment with better remuneration and prospects. This would have the advantages that you could make a fresh start and meet a new group of people and this would widen your perspective. You'd stop seeing X and this would reduce your habit of fantasising about him. If by any faint, faint chance he is interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with you then it would be much easier to do if you work for different employers.

Don't waste your life settling for second best - i.e the occassional glance from a straight authority figure who can never see you as a prospective partner.
 
He's not gay and even if he were, it would be inappropriate for you to pursue it.

You gotta learn how to let a crush just be a crush. Recognize that nothing's going to come of it, and just enjoy your relationship for what it is. And telling a co-worker you have a crush on him is a horrible idea.
 
i'd still say,let him know that you are gay and then after a while you can tell him how you feel.if he wants you ,you can go on...
if not,he still will feel good that someone loves him!
 
Quanchi said:
I do want to tell him about this crush, even if it's the last thing I say. I was thinking like saying "It's kinda funny that I used to have a crush on you", not to make a big deal, just to mention it.
Click to expand...

No. Absolutely not.
 
Quanchi,
It seems that you are set on telling this guy about your crush no matter what any of us have to say to dissuade you. You might have expected to find a lot of support from JUBERS to root you along. Alas it has not turned out that way. Advice is easily given and seldom heeded, at least that has been my shortcoming many times in the past. I don't have any advice to give you, but I will ask you to take a common sense approach to your situation. You recognize that there is a very remote chance that X might come through for you. So then, you must also admit that in all probability, nothing will come of it and there's a good chance that something negative could transpire. Ask yourself if it's worth it to almost guarantee a let down and even risk reproach. Your feelings are legit and you have a right to claim them. But, going ahead with expressing them to a guy who doesn't show any hints of attraction toward you is something I would consider very seriously. Will it cause you to feel embarrassed or ashamed if you are rejected, even if you move and never see him again? Do what you wish my friend, but something in me says that you might be better off keeping a healthy fantasy just that. Peace
 
I'm saying this because you're still in the process of coming out -

When you talk about mentioning the crush 'just for laughs' or calling it 'kinda funny' - do you see that it puts a prospective gay relationship on an inferior footing to a straight one? There's no reason for a gay crush to be amusing or laughable. But you need to understand that this is one of the subtle ways in which homophobia can work. And just because we're gay doesn't mean that each of us hasn't been indoctrinated into the homophobic mindset of straight society.
 
I would let it go also. You have to have sex and live a little before you can seduce someone in the work place-lol. That takes some mad skills and you are a little gay boy in training right now.;)
 
being out is good

much easier now to be yourself

consider your boss off limits

your work life can be dictated by him - if he is uncomfortable with you "liking him", you could easily find yourself let go - with another reason given

nothing to be gained with him

he is married - has a daughter - is your boss

danger ...................

you are spot on - being young, horney and a virgin CAN make you irrational

best of luck
 
No, no, and no. Gay or straight, getting involved with your boss is a BIG no-no. Keep the thoughts to yourself and move on. Getting involved with the boss can only lead to trouble.
 
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