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HELP! I was caught tonight (outed by accident)

Kyanimal

Kyanimal

Keep Smilin'!! ;-)
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Before you ASSume anything, like having "The Talk" with your parents ... TALK to your Bro! Be Honest! Be Truthful! And be Compassionate about what HE may be feeling/thinking. It might be really Helpful to Him if you try to explain "things"!

And then, after hearing Him out, it might then be time to have "The Talk" with the rest of your family.

NOT an "Easy" thing! But, since He was the "first" to "discover" ... it's best to talk to Him, first.

This is not an "End"! It's the Beginning of a "Good Thing"! Being HONEST! (group):hurray:(!w!)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Actually, this may prove to be the best week of your life! Though, I realize it may not seem to be the case just now.

What, exactly, do you say to your Bro? I don't know! I don't know you two! But, it's obvious that you have to discuss the subject, with him, somehow. Simply approach it without shame, without guilt, and admit the truth! Do not try to deny what he saw. And, try your best, to get him to tell you what he feels about it. Try to fathom his feelings, and be as supportive as you can. Be His "Big Brother"! He may need some help with "issues". Grant him the benefit of doubt. This may be more "disruptive" for Him than it is for You!

Above all, remain Calm! He might require some "Explainations". But, keep in mind, what he encountered was nothing "Un-natural"! YOU "know" what was going on! He, on the other hand, may have found it a "bit" traumatic.

Good Luck with this!

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Congrats. You're no longer "in the closet" even if it happened in a way you regret.

I wouldn't lose my cool to be honest. You're bro knows, and all he can do is get used to the fact now. As far as him "telling", you said he doesn't have a big mouth, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Um...no worries?
 
Kyanimal said:
Before you ASSume anything, like having "The Talk" with your parents ... TALK to your Bro! Be Honest! Be Truthful! And be Compassionate about what HE may be feeling/thinking. It might be really Helpful to Him if you try to explain "things"!

And then, after hearing Him out, it might then be time to have "The Talk" with the rest of your family.

NOT an "Easy" thing! But, since He was the "first" to "discover" ... it's best to talk to Him, first.

This is not an "End"! It's the Beginning of a "Good Thing"! Being HONEST! (group):hurray:(!w!)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
Click to expand...

He said it best. (In bold)

Don't worry so much. Shit will eventually fall into place. Give him a few days to take this in, and things may get better as well as brighter!

..|
 
Uh, try telling your Bro that you're gay (duh) and that you'd prefer he not tell your parents. Apologize for the way he found out, and tell him you were scared to tell anyone (which would be the truth). He'll probably understand.
 
I agree. You have to have the talk with your brother about this. Be honest with him and tell him your feelings and hear what he has to say. Talk to him about homosexuality and try to educate him to get his "buy-in". See what he says. Then, we can take it from there on the next steps.
 
Rainmaker,

I won't pretend to know your life or the difficulty of your situation. I remember 20 was a rough time for many reasons. If I can offer any encouragement to put this all into perspective it would be this:

1) You are who you are; you are the best equipped to deal with your problems, so be confident you can handle anything in your life.

2) No matter what, you will SURVIVE.

3) Time changes everything. Even if the worst-case scenario occurs and your parents freak out, things will change in time.

4) Never underestimate your Mother. She probably knew you were gay by the time you were 12, but has given you time.


That's about it. Good luck, I hope things work out well for you.
 
Take your brother out for coffee or dinner or something so you can talk in private with your parents listening in. Just say, "I want to talk to you about last night." Here's the key - OWN this. You can be very embarrassed that he had to find out this way, but do NOT be embarrassed about who you are or what you were doing.

Don't shrink and say, "I think maybe I might be bi- or something." OWN it. "I'm gay. I like guys."

Don't try to backtrack and say, "I don't know what happened..." OWN it. "We were making out - we didn't know you'd home so quick."

Don't bargain with your brother with "PLEASE don't tell Mom and Dad." OWN it. "It might be better if Mom and Dad didn't know right now. But if you feel like you have to tell them, I can't really tell you not to."

The first step out of the closet is the scariest, and it's best if it's you making the decision how and when. It appears that decision has been made for you, so roll with it.

Good luck. :) ..|

Lex
 
You have to talk to your brother. It can't wait.

Heart-to-heart.

Keep us posted.
 
When sharing accomodation it's simply a matter of good manners to lock doors when you want to ensure privacy, or to knock on a closed door before entering. This prevents potential embarrassment for everyone. The fact that you failed to ensure your privacy, or to hear someone entering the house, suggests that on some level you want your sexual orientation known. But it's not necessary that you actually DO anything. If you want to talk to your brother the discussion should centre around respect for private space rather than sexual orientation.

What you get up to in your own private space is no concern of your brothers. If he'd walked in on you screwing a woman or masturbating wouldn't you still both have been embarrassed. If your answer to this question is 'no' then you need to examine why you find homosexuality more embarrassing than heterosexuality. Untill you have that sorted out in your own head you're in no position to come out to anyone else.
 
scottyz said:
Rainmaker,


4) Never underestimate your Mother. She probably knew you were gay by the time you were 12, but has given you time.
Click to expand...

Very true. My mom even suggested it to me when I was in Middle School when we were having an argument.
 
Relax and have a talk to brother. Don't read too much into his initial reaction of catching you. He may have had the same reaction if he caught you with a girl. You could start the talk with something like "Well you know my secret. I wasn't really ready for anyone to know. I'm still trying to accept it myself, although I know I have no choice. Please don't tell anyone else as I'm not ready to deal with it."

As others have said, be sure to OWN it. Don't insult your brother by denying it. Your brother sounds cool and apparently his instinct is to keep it confidential. I bet you will look back at your brother catching you as a good thing in years to come. Maybe being caught was as accidental as you think. Maybe subconsciously you wanted to be caught.
 
I came out to my older brother a few weeks ago.

He was really respectful and supporting, and not at all surprised!


I think it will be easier to talk to your brother, than your parents. Thats how it is for me anyways.
 
Maybe he opened the door and saw a mouse on the floor, or he could not believe the color of the paint you chose. I would talk to him before anything.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
You have to talk to your brother. It can't wait.

Heart-to-heart.

Keep us posted.
Click to expand...

Yes, talk to the brother. He has decided not to tell the parents.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Time is of the essence.

You may find him to be more sympathetic than you have assumed him to be. I would guess his first reaction was the shock of walking in on you no matter what kind of sexual activity you were engaging in at the time.

Be honest and maybe you will have a quiet ally in the later time when you do come out to the rest of the family. I know you will immediately feel relief when you talk to him.
Shep+
 
Rainmaker, do you think you're brother is tiffed b/c your gay or is he a little tense b/c you didn't confide in him beforehand?

I would definitely try to rally the brother so he can add moral support when you do tell the rest of the fam. That's what my sister and I always do when one of us screws up or has some bad news to break (which of course, being gay isn't bad) and it helps when we appear as a united front.
 
Nothing can compare to the agony and frustrastion than being caught in any sort of compromising situation. You race through every possible outcome and the feeling of your stomach clenching seems to never end.

But we all know this, well, most of us. Like it or not hiding who we are is something we all have dealt with. It sucks and although it feels like you're a broken VCR stuck in slow motion, eventually the scene ends. My friend and I have this saying "this too shall pass" we say it when things seem at the absolute worst. Because trying to "be" there and understand isn't always possible. You cannot always comprehend or offer advice for every situation.

It sucks.. but this too shall pass.

I've often been surprised at how many people that I love and love me, are quick to defend me in these types of situations. When people asked my brother if I was gay, and he would say "no, ask him yourself." At the time in my life if they had asked me in person I would have felt embarassed and answered no. Now looking back on things and facing new situations, I feel ashamed for having made those situations just as awkward for my family. Knowing that they were uncomfortable answering those questions and didn't have a straight answer, makes me feel horrible.

Just some food for thought.

Sincerely wishing for the best.
 
Sounds like your brother is a little "weirded out" by it right now. Give him a little time to get used to the idea, then have a talk with him. At least you know your secret is safe for now. Just be yourself and let him see you are no different now.
 
Rainmaker said:
Well I talked to my brother today but it wasn't exactly a heart to heart. After I got home from work I saw him in the kitchen eating and asked him to not tell mom & dad what he saw. With his back turned to me and in sort of a frustrated tone he said he wouldn't. Then I sorta started rambling about why I didn't want them to know and I guess I kinda irritated him because he slightly turned his head in my direction (but didn't look directly @ me) and snapped "Hey! I just told you I wouldn't." Then he said he wouldn't be any less uncomfortable telling them that as I would. I said OK and walked out.

So I guess my secret is safe for now but I still feel sick about the whole thing.
Click to expand...

Sadly, it doesn't sound like your brother is very supportive at all. And he basically is just going along not to be a snitch.

I know it sounds like he doesn't want to even discuss it at all, but hopefully with time, he'll do some research into this and open his eyes a little bit. Obviously, you come from a pretty conservative family.
 
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