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Help, i'm in love with a straight guy.
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lostinnyc

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Foolish me, i fell in love for a straight guy. This happened back in early June when I was trolling in one of those cam websites when I happened to click on his channel. He was also there trolling for girls on cam. We just instantly clicked, we have similar tastes in music, books, movies, etc. And we are both agnostic/atheist.

Then it just happened, I got consumed with thoughts of him and would wait for him to come online so we could chat while he also looked for girls to chat with. One day I told him that I am in love with him. He replied that I might have mistaken him to be gay but he is straight and that I am dumb and naive for falling for him. But we still continued on chatting online and he seemed to be genuinely enjoying my company.

And last night we chatted for 8 hours straight, 7PM to 3AM. I know I am just shooting myself in the foot by continuing on this foolishness with him but it has been an emotional torture for me. I'm in NYC and he is in Brazil.

One of these days I have to stop this but right now I am just consumed with thoughts of him that I make it a point to stay home all night just so I can stay logged in, just in case he comes in online so we could chat again. Another thing, I tattooed his initials (discreetly) on to my right hip, just below the underwear line and he is aware of this tattoo as I sent him a pic.

I don't know how to stop this obsession. Sooner or later I may have to as I am fully aware that nothing good will come out of this but emotional torture.

What do i do?
 
Well, you said it - you already know the answer to your own question.

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional..." you're not "in love" with someone, your "in love" with being "in love with someone". There's a difference.

Like any obsession, you realize that the negatives are greater than the positives and you stop.
 
I'm not really sure how to help you...but what if he completely stops logging on? Or what if he gets a completely new account and you never talk to him again? What are you going to do? Obsessions are hard to stop, but it's better to try to stop now than never.
 
Wel478 said:
This has gotten way out of hand. How did he react to the tattoo? You probably scared the shit out of him. I don't mean this as an insult, but you need serious help. People don't get tattoos of people they barely know. It's incredibly rash. Seek counseling immediately.
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I completely agree. This obsession has gotten way, way, way out of hand here. A TATTOO of someone you never even met?

Dude, I"ve been obsessed with people before but this is beyond anything I've ever done. I'm serious: You need serious help.
 
I can understand someone becoming over infatuated with any onebut to tattoo his initials on your body tells me you need help and fast.
 
Thanks for all your replies guys.

@chace1617: cam4

The tattoo did not scare him at all, he was kind of flattered as a matter of fact. And I thought it would scare him away. The tattoo of his initials is inside some symbol/figure that I could easily just get written over if need be.

Posting on this forum is my own way of therapy and coping. Hoping someday I would look back on this and tell myself "What the hell was I thinking?".

But so far, I feel like it's a drug that I can't get off.
 
I recommend going on vacation, away from the internet for at least a week. You may break the unhealthy spell that way. Good luck.

I've been there several times in life, where I was pining for someone I could not have and it hurts. When I worked on myself and my own self-worth, I found that I didn't mentally throw myself at the feet of another in some unhealthy obsession.

And when I see myself going down that road again, I stop myself and put the focus back on my health.
 
It's not a problem to get crushes on somebody, even if they don't like you back. It feels good to love, period.

The real issue here is more why you can't think another gay guy could do the same for you, and even return your affections. That, you go to gay men for 'advice' and counsel and to be your 'fixer uppers' instead of compatible romantic partners. That's what you really need to sort out. I'm not here to be your mother and therapist.
 
i love that site btw. lol but idk dude, that def seems like a tough situation. just from personal experience its REALLY easy to "fall for" a person online. and completely different from loving them in real life.
 
huntneo said:
You will. ;)


I know what it's like to want someone you can't have. It's hard to get through...but you have to want to get past this. Find other things to occupy your time for now, go out, meet some available gay guys, etc. Once you find someone or something new and exciting...you will eventually start to move on.

good luck! (*8*)
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I am actually already in a relationship. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 7+ years. Although we almost broke up several years ago when I found text messages and voicemails on his cellphone when he got back from a business trip. But currently our relationship seems to be stable, but you'll never know with gay relationships specially when you live in NYC. And i'm not exactly ugly looking nor do I have model good looks, i'm just average, I go to the gym and have a fairly stable job (cross my fingers in this economy). And this dude on the website have seen me on cam as well so it's not like he has a fantasy that I would somehow turn out to be girl.

But thank you for your vote of confidence that someday I will get over this. I appreciate it a lot.
 
I think we have ll fallen for straight guys before, but usually it's with people that one meets in person. I can be a little obsessive at times, but tattooing someones initials on my body when I haven't even met them is going way too far. Online friendship and romance are great, but don't confuse reality and what goes down in cyber space.

This forum is a little like therapy in that u can share ur feelings and thoughts and feel safe doing so, and most of the time not have anyone judge u for it, but that's where it stops. This is not therapy and o don't mean to be judgmental or mean, but you may want to seek some real therapy and help, the line between reality and fantasy may be a little blurred for u, and since u know ur obsessing and setting yourself up for pain in this situation that tells me ur not beyond help.
 
fuck, we just became friends on facebook.

My next strategy would be to convert this into just a plain old friendship? Now that we are friends on facebook, maybe this will stop my obsession?
 
Keep your social life busy. Go out; meet new people; make new friends; get together with old friends; organize weekend getaways; get counseling. You will get over him soon.
 
We chatted again for 5 hours last night, from 9PM to 2AM. But this time he was having an existential anxiety.

He told me that last night he swallowed 15 tablets of painkillers with a bottle of beer and then wrote down a suicide note. I guess that little adventure failed but then later he said he was going to log off from chat to check out a more efficient way of suicide.

Of course this ending to our chat left me extremely disturbed that I could not sleep the whole night, now i'm at work feeling like I am hung over.

What have i gotten myself into?
 
Never mind. It's over. He banned me and kicked me out of his facebook. C'est la vie.
 
huntneo said:
Don't sweat it.

This may be just what you need to finally start moving on. Besides, you have a man at home...right? Why are you bothering yourself with someone else?

Oh--and sounds like that guy has/had some issues anyway. You don't need that. Unnecessary drama that you have been awarded a free pass out of. Be thankful. ..|
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Thank you very much for your words of support. I just feel so rotten and miserable right now that I wanted to jump off a building or cut my wrist but instead I went to the bathroom and started punching myself on the face. I just wish that the 7 stages of grief would be quick enough for me. Right now i'm still on the denial stage, the first fucking stage. And I hope i have the energy to get up and go to work tomorrow.

I appreciate your words huntneo, this somehow tells me you've been on this road before.
 
Go to a gym and work out your anxiety tomorrow. Excercise gives you energy and helps you think clearer. Join one of those group exercises...spinning, steps, yoga, etc. Keep yourself busy by meeting other people...doing other things...to keep your mind off of this subject. Life goes on and so WILL YOU! It will be better for you.
 
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