Help me understand submissives

[thermodynamics]

I've been on quite a number of dates in the last 6 months with submissive guys. I don't see this as a "good" or "bad" thing--it just "is." But I don't understand it. I'm generally attracted to guys who are skinny, though height doesn't matter. In short, guys who are more delicate, more feminine.

While I see myself more on the dominant side of neutral, I'm certainly not a "Dom." When it comes to decisions, I'm decisive/assertive, but not dominant. I would consider myself a vers top, though I'm not exactly asking about this either. This is more than just about what he likes or doesn't like in bed or in life. I'm asking a deeper question (always dangerous on JUB) about mindset.

Some of the guys Ive dated have been passive boring doormats--no thanks.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Your not asking anything, Sir, you're telling us to do something.

[edit]

Seriously, Sir, submission and dominance are topical, personal and cultural subjects that are as varied as the changing patterns in the colored beads of the kaleidoscope. And who can accurately describe those?

With all due respect, Sir, If you wish to understand them, you should learn by experience.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need someone to whip me for my insolence.

 

[justjay]

sometimes I like to top feminine twinks, sometimes I like to be topped by older men who take care of me and let me call them daddy, it all depends

 

[KaraBulut]

I've been on quite a number of dates in the last 6 months with submissive guys.

Perhaps this might be a good time to define what you mean by "submissive", "passive", "dominant"... it means very different things to different people.

 

[Stardreamer]

Your not asking anything, Sir, you're telling us to do something.

[edit]

Seriously, Sir, submission and dominance are topical, personal and cultural subjects that are as varied as the changing patterns in the colored beads of the kaleidoscope. And who can accurately describe those?

With all due respect, Sir, If you wish to understand them, you should learn by experience.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need someone to whip me for my insolence.

*smiles* Good Boy

 

[Seasoned]

There's a difference between being passive or indecisive and being submissive. It would seem as though you'd want an emotionally healthy guy who's assertive with high self-esteem regardless of his sexual proclivities.

 

[EJMichaels]

Is the question about being sexually submissive as a chosen role (not, for example, as a personality trait), perhaps, optionally, one that could go beyond the bedroom? To address the "mindset", the question needs to be quite specific. As someone who applies the term "submissive" to parts of my erotic life (as do many friends), I have some insights.

 

[eastofeden]

The thing is..submissives runt the gamut of behavior and are individuals so it is a hard question to answer.

There is a role play kind of dominance/submission that most people assume is the standard but I think that dominance and submission is more of a natural state...you see it everywhere in nature...and one need not play dress up to truly submit or dominate...

In any dominant and submissive experience that I have been in or am attracted to..the submissive actually becomes the dominant and vice versa..the roles are completely interchangeable..at least in the ones I like...

For instance..in order for the dominant to take the submissive where he needs to go..he needs to SUBMIT to the submissive...and so on..and so on...

I am not sure if that helped at all? I think there are a lot of flavors in any spectrum of sexual experience so it helps to know who you are first...as much as you can. For me...one piece of leather "drag" and I am completely turned off....and I find leather to be as much "drag" as one who wears dresses.....it doesn't work for me sexually but as people..they are fine with me. It also might help to understand what the submissive guys who are attracted to you want..where they want to go...

 

[steve3339]

sometimes I like to top feminine twinks, sometimes I like to be topped by older men who take care of me and let me call them daddy, it all depends

How perfect!

 

[disciple]

Perhaps I can help. I am very submissive. I'm thin and 5'4". I give my man, Clay, anything he wants. He makes all of the decisions in our relationship and I'm always his "bottom boy". I wouldn't want him any other way. I like what he likes and want to make him happy, in bed and in life.

Maybe the submissive guys you've been dating want you to be more dominant. If you're attracted to "boys" like me (I am 24), teach us and make us into what you want us to be. You won't be bored with the result.

If you wish to go deeper with this you can send me a PM.