Help me understand this

[recuerdeme]

Just out of a aprox 2 year relationship and a month or so has passed hmm maybe more than two months wow times flys hmmmm

Ok the reason for this thread well I'm dating this guy and he is always ALWAYS touching my "goods" I mean in public or private it doesn't matter he's always groping at me, really it wouldn't be so bad just placing his hands there but to try to always stroke me and squeeze it and well GROPE it's maddening. I mean he takes PDA to uncomfortable lengths and I don't even have problems with PDA (not at all) but to try to cuddle (curl) up in my arms at every possible place we go and do open mouth kisses every time we kiss and to try to hold my head so that the uncomfortable open mouth kiss in front of the entire restaurant (including little kids) can be prolonged, ugh it's getting on my nerves... maybe I'm just not that into him eh? But I do like the guy he's just a little too touchy feely and its weird for me to say that because I love cuddling and being intimate but I have tact.

Anywho apparently my body language wasn't strong enough for him to get the picture that he was taking things to the extreme and not just body language I've asked him repeatedly to "take it easy, calm down, portate bien,controlate"... so I finally told him pointedly that all the groping was too much and that not every kiss has be open mouth and with tongue. And he took it badly... he was visibly upset.

I mean is such "groping" behavior "normal"? I've never have experienced such an extreme before... of course boyfriends/dating partners will touch and play and kiss but with him it's just too much too often all the time, I feel on guard all the time around him because I don't know when he's going to burst out and do something inappropriate...

We're going out this Friday I wonder if he's still upset about what I said or if he's taking it to heart and will control himself.

 

[vidarr]

I used to do PDA alot when guys were new to me.. Some people need alot of affection and by trying to ignore it or tell him to stop is making it worse..

Time to set up some ground rules when you two are in public. And if he still is behaving this way and it's clearly not by accident then get mad.

Everyone deserves their own space and for him to be treating you like his teddy bear is not okay.

 

[altlover85]

Just out of a aprox 2 year relationship and a month or so has passed hmm maybe more than two months wow times flys hmmmm

Ok the reason for this thread well I'm dating this guy and he is always ALWAYS touching my "goods" I mean in public or private it doesn't matter he's always groping at me, really it wouldn't be so bad just placing his hands there but to try to always stroke me and squeeze it and well GROPE it's maddening. I mean he takes PDA to uncomfortable lengths and I don't even have problems with PDA (not at all) but to try to cuddle (curl) up in my arms at every possible place we go and do open mouth kisses every time we kiss and to try to hold my head so that the uncomfortable open mouth kiss in front of the entire restaurant (including little kids) can be prolonged, ugh it's getting on my nerves... maybe I'm just not that into him eh? But I do like the guy he's just a little too touchy feely and its weird for me to say that because I love cuddling and being intimate but I have tact.

Anywho apparently my body language wasn't strong enough for him to get the picture that he was taking things to the extreme and not just body language I've asked him repeatedly to "take it easy, calm down, portate bien,controlate"... so I finally told him pointedly that all the groping was too much and that not every kiss has be open mouth and with tongue. And he took it badly... he was visibly upset.

I mean is such "groping" behavior "normal"? I've never have experienced such an extreme before... of course boyfriends/dating partners will touch and play and kiss but with him it's just too much too often all the time, I feel on guard all the time around him because I don't know when he's going to burst out and do something inappropriate...

We're going out this Friday I wonder if he's still upset about what I said or if he's taking it to heart and will control himself.

If you aren't comfortable with it, I think it's not okay and he should respect your wishes. If he continues this behavior Friday I would move on.

 

[Bent-On]

Seems to me like he's putting on a show for his own amusement, using you as his unwitting wingman in these antics. He might have done you the courtesy of informing you of his intentions, as they do not appear to be honorable.

 

[Eagle653]

It's impossible to know what's really going on in his mind, but my guess none of it is good.

Possible explanations are:

1.) He's insensitive
2.) He's insecure and wanting to show off
3.) He adores you and is so excited to be with you that he can't keep his hands off you; the problem is, he can't discern between private and public.
4.) He's insensitive to those around him who may not want to witness PDA's whether gay or straight PDA.

You confronted him about it, which was good. He took it badly, which is bad. What bothers me about this story is that you even had to confront him in the first place! I personally don't think I could deal with someone who didn't have enough judgment to know when displays of affection were appropriate and when they weren't.

Having said all that, he must have some redeeming qualities or you wouldn't have been with him at all. Are those qualities enough to train him and modify his behavior? If you want to do that, then you need to get him alone and be very honest with him about what you think is OK and what you think isn't. A test of his character (and maturity) will be the extent to which he listens to you without being defensive and, two, actually changes.

Good luck. I'm afraid you have your work cut out for you if you want to try to modify him. You'd be doing him a big favor if you could somehow get through to him. How old is he, by the way? It's kind of hard to believe he hasn't figured out good manners/behavior by now, unless he just refuses to.

 

[recuerdeme]

It's impossible to know what's really going on in his mind, but my guess none of it is good.

Possible explanations are:

1.) He's insensitive
2.) He's insecure and wanting to show off
3.) He adores you and is so excited to be with you that he can't keep his hands off you; the problem is, he can't discern between private and public.
4.) He's insensitive to those around him who may not want to witness PDA's whether gay or straight PDA.

You confronted him about it, which was good. He took it badly, which is bad. What bothers me about this story is that you even had to confront him in the first place! I personally don't think I could deal with someone who didn't have enough judgment to know when displays of affection were appropriate and when they weren't.

Having said all that, he must have some redeeming qualities or you wouldn't have been with him at all. Are those qualities enough to train him and modify his behavior? If you want to do that, then you need to get him alone and be very honest with him about what you think is OK and what you think isn't. A test of his character (and maturity) will be the extent to which he listens to you without being defensive and, two, actually changes.

Good luck. I'm afraid you have your work cut out for you if you want to try to modify him. You'd be doing him a big favor if you could somehow get through to him. How old is he, by the way? It's kind of hard to believe he hasn't figured out good manners/behavior by now, unless he just refuses to.

You hit the nail on the head bud. I think it's mostly 2 and 3. I'm definitely not looking to do a lot of "behavior modification" work so we shall see how he acts in the upcoming date(s)....

 

[anchihiro]

Well today you'll have your answer then.

 

[HunterM]

He sounds like my type of guy. What's his number?

 

[maxpowr9]

If someone can't respect your personal space, especially your body, just walk away from them.

You told him to tone it down once, and if he hasn't learned his lesson from that and it still makes you uncomfortable, I would walk away.