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help me woo this guy before I screw it up.

Yan bro chill

Yan bro chill

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So I met this guy (through a mutual friend) about a week ago. He's like 5-5, about 130; a really twinky, shy, well-spoken college type - adorable guy with really pretty eyes. I told the mutual friend one day I thought he was cute, so she brought him over (without even telling me!) a few hours later. He came over again today (with the friend) and we hung out for a few hours, after which I asked him for his number. That's where I am now.

after I got his number and he left, I texted:

me: (my first and last name) [@ like 4:15 pm today]

him: Cool. I'll save your number. [4:30; its like 12 am now.]


I think he's interested... My problem is I have terrible luck (and not much experience) in flirting/putting myself out there with guys. I've only been completely out for a year, and am not very good at small talk (which is kind of why I liked hanging out with him.. cause he's sort of the same way)... so I'm lacking a lot in the confidence/suaveness department.

- Should I wait for him to text me again or just go for it? How many days should I wait before I contact him?

- Should I ask him to hang out with me one on one when we talk? We've only hung twice with other people at my place, for a total of like 5 or 6 hours. If so, what should we do?

- Can I keep pursuing this if he says he can't spend time with me the first time I ask him?

- Do I HAVE to have a purpose in texting him the first time (like hanging out), or can I just say hi? How lame would that be?


I could really use some good advice in getting to know this guy better if you have any to offer.
 
Welcome to the forum

It's ok to contact him to say hi. It's ok to ask him to hang out. Suggest a walk or a coffee shop rather than your place. If you try a couple of times with no luck let him know you're open to him contacting you if he ever wants to hang out. That way the ball is in his court and you would be able to let go and wait for him to contact you. What you are looking for is that line between too much and too little.

Unless you're afraid of being a pest, it's best to be yourself.
 
Great advice Seasoned!!! Show interest (as if he doesn't already know that) and the rest will come in due course.. he wouldn't have asked for your number if he wasn't interested so you're half way there anyway!!! Be your self your unexperienced, nervous, delightful self and have fun... and KEEP US POSTED!!!!!
 
No formula for that. Just stop stressing about it. Stressing always transmits to the other guy, and puts him off.

Nothing wrong with texting him for coffee. Personally, I'd get weirded out if someone texted me just to say hi. I mean, my boyfriend does that, to me it's a sign of intimacy. But suggesting to hang out is totally ok.

Btw, do we know that the other guy is gay?
 
Welcome to JUB!

I'm more of a direct person. I'd send something along the lines of "I enjoyed meeting you. I was wondering, would you care to grab coffee/a drink sometime?"
 
Offering to hang out or taking a coffee someplace seems a good advice.
If you're very shy and fear that smaltalk is not your forte, maybe ask him about a movie ? You don't have to talk during the movie and after you have a subject to start talking :)

good luck with your wooing ! :) and feel free to keep us posted :)
 
Ahh young love. OK some practical advice. In the beginning you want to do two things - one and most important, you want to present yourself as a guy he has fun with and wants to hang out with. How you do that depends on what you both like to do, if you like going out, and he does too, go out, etc.

Second, and only slightly less important, you want to present your interest in him with the least amount of pressure involved. DON'T overcommit, don't burn up his phone - sure be yourself, but if yourself is a guy who wants to live in his pocket from hour one you'll have trouble.

I personally have never understood why people have phobias about dating. Simple truth, all dating is is hanging out with the possibility of romance. Sometimes, I'd invite the guy along with friends, if I though he was social that way, sometimes coffee, dinner, etc, or whatever else I though we both might enjoy, dating is anything you want it to be, if you're nervous, start off somewhere inside your comfort zone, but what I learned never to do, was treat it like it was terribly terribly terribly momentous.

Dating is the interview, not the job. Have fun, relax, enjoy, you'll probably be doing a whole lot of this before you find a relationship.
 
I agree with seasoned advice! Well put!
 
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