Help overcoming stupefying shyness.

[beckett]

So, hey guys.

Today I was at the mall with my brother and mom, to whom I have not yet come out. (though I'm quite sure they know and probably just want to respect the fact that I just never discussed the issue with them.)

But anyway, there was a very cute guy hanging out with some girls and another guy, and he kept looking at my direction and we sure exchanged glances.

So, his girl friend came up to me, while I was turned back, and poked me in the shoulder, which quite startled me. She asked me my 'Twitter' account, and I said I didn't have one (which is true, since I hardly understand what that's all about), so she asked me to join them to have a chat... But at this point I was so petrified with fear I just smiled and went away. (which probably seemed rude...)

Also, since my brother and mother were there too, I guess I would be to embarrassed to talk with him anyway... Even so, I'm so shy that I froze and couldn't even reply to the girl.

Shit sucks man.

I'm afraid this might become a hindrance in my life...
This guy seemed nice (or at least very cute) and I just couldn't make myself approach him... Also, I have no idea who he is and I'm afraid I just missed this one.

 

[Lewis1]

cant belive no one replied

the hard truth is that you will have to force yourself to be uncomfortable in those situations untill it becomes comfortable

but there is a process

I would advise you to talk with your mother about it and try to seek some profesional help (about your shyness)
because it sounds kind of bad my friend

 

[MindBlast]

You just have to make yourself go in there and just say to yourself "fuck what people think". It's a lot harder to do than say, but if you don't just cold turkey it, you might miss more opportunities like that one.

 

[evanrick]

well you can always go back to this place again, chances are good you may have another opportunity. if you feel shy pass him a note.

 

[thisisinteresting]

You do not need professional help because you are shy. I am currently fighting my social anxiety and it's true you just have to put yourself in uncomfortable social situations. It gets very slightly easier each time. Even if it doesn't seem like it. The more you do it, the more you realize you had nothing to be afraid of.

You have plenty of time to work on it. At your age, in that situation, I'd have done the same thing. Hell I'm still pretty shy about talking to cute guys. The main point is I'm a lot better than I used to be and it just comes down to practice. I also couldn't hit on a guy if my mom was there. She knows I'm gay and that's still just awkward for me. I don't hang out with my mom though...

Understand that it's SO much less painful to go for it with the risk of being shot down than it is to have choked and never tried and to regret it. It's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done.

Also, have confidence in the fact that if you do approach someone, it'll be somewhat apparent that you're shy and it's actually really cute to most guys. Especially if you're swallowing your worries and going for it. Super cute.

 

[The_Reaper]

Shyness is a tough thing...

I consider myself to be pretty shy as well, which is weird given that I'm someone who is running for political office for the second time in my life.

Sometimes, things are just going to be weird. If I had a nickle for each time I've gone to a large event full of people I know, somewhat, yet basically trying to start a conversation becomes a handshake and a hello, then standing around awkwardly until one person walks away to talk to someone else.

Not all of us are social butterflies, but sometimes that might stem from your childhood.

I've been lucky enough to identify that the reason I'm so shy is because I think most people do not want to talk to me. I think, for the most part, that if someone has something they want to say me, they will come up to me and a conversation will form around that.

Basically, I can loosen up around people, but I still prefer someone else to take the first step in getting the ball rolling. I'm still working on getting over that, by trying to start conversations myself, but it's a tough process.

See if you can identify why you think you're so shy, and then take it from there to figure out what you can do to get over it. It will be uncomfortable, but eventually, you'll reach a point where it's not.

 

[thisisinteresting]

See if you can identify why you think you're so shy, and then take it from there to figure out what you can do to get over it. It will be uncomfortable, but eventually, you'll reach a point where it's not.

This is really good advice.

I realized at some point that at least some of my anxiety stems from the fact I'm just a quiet person and people read into it in all the wrong ways. I would rather sit in silence with someone than talk about some fake chit-chat bullshit and I don't find it awkward. However sometimes other people find that awkward and I feed off of it and start to think their awkwardness is because I am awkward. Like, it's okay to not have anything to talk about. When you're in that situation, it's hard to not feel strange and uncomfortable.

It makes more sense as I write it out right now, even. I simply don't have much to talk about. I avoid news/weather/media in general in any way possible, so most people's ice breakers of current events are just lost on me. When I'm out meeting new people, they'll be like "oh you're so shy! you're so quiet!" and really I'm just quiet and them taking notice of it or pointing it out makes me shy. Worrying what other people are thinking is such a waste of energy.

I have a few nervous habits but I've been working on just turning them into amusement. I try to think about the situation from an outside perspective and I just make myself laugh. There's no reason for me to feel the way I do, and yet I still do, and it's funny to me. So now I'm just starting to smile or laugh in awkward situations and so far I like it a lot more. Even just recognizing nervous habits has helped me because it helps me recognize more clearly when I am feeling nervous or shy and why. The more you can identify the situation, the more you can work on it.

Anyway for example (if you need ideas on what to look for if you have nervous habits) sometimes I crack my knuckles. Other times I wipe my eyes... like.. it's developed to the point that my right eye waters sometimes if I feel uncomfortable/socially out of place/whatever. Like I'm creating the problem so I have an excuse to rub my eye and break any eye contact. To hide. but I have nothing to hide! And the more I understand that the less it is a problem.

I don't know if my laughing method works for everyone else but I am an easily amused person, so it's not nervous laughter it's pretty honest laughter. And if someone asks why I'm laughing I'll just tell 'em. And hey that's something to talk about.

So yeah, you just gotta get to the roots of it - when are you feeling like this, why are you feeling like this, how can you identify when you're feeling like this and help alleviate it? The war on social anxiety in any sort can be a long road but the plus side is there's no going backwards. The further you go, the more you realize that the further you get the more comfortable it is.

 

[Icon1987]

I wouldn't worry too much, I think shyness is something most people suffer from at times. I myself can be pretty shy sometimes but I also have an inner confidence that I can (and do) conquer that shyness when I need to. Shyness around people you fancy (and the fear of rejection) is perhaps the most difficult to overcome, but just give it a go sometime and if it doesn't work out, there's no harm done.

 

[aneal_lingus]

first and foremost; GET TWITTER!
(and facebook if you do not have)

you don't have to be an active user but if this occurs again, you'll be prepared.

 

[beckett]

All right, I'll get one! Soon, the teeming millions shall have the privilege of knowing my trivialities in 140 char.

Thanks for all the advice, good nice people of JUB.

I understand shyness is mostly just an irrational fear... But I'm afraid logical thinking hardly helps it. By the way, I happen to have had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. We talked about my shyness. He told me there's not really a medication that could outright cure it... That I should learn with time to be exposed to those kinds of situations and gradually become more comfortable with it.. maybe feel uncomfortable at times but persist... It should get better... (really, easier said than done..)

Anyway, he happens to have given me an antidepressant (well, that's another issue...) but it should also help my social anxiety.

On another note, next time I bump into that guy I'll at least have the excuse to give him my new Twitter.. haha.

 

[erobert]

Yes, there's no magic pill to cure shyness. I'm pretty shy myself and am slowly getting over it as I get older.

What does help though is gaining more social experience by putting yourself in more social situations. The only way to get over being shy is to interact more with people, all types of people in fact. Most people can tell if your shy so don't be worried about putting people off. Develop hobbies that involve others such as a team sport or joining some sort of club. In Psychological terms this will distinguish the fear through continued exposure to the fear.

An interesting experiment involving a shy college girl involved her getting asked out by cute guys every Friday night. A couple of weeks later she was much more outgoing and than the next semester she had even managed to become quite popular on campus.

It will take sometime to get over being shy so don't beat yourself up if you're not as outgoing as you'd like next month. This site has helped me brush up my social skills.

 

[thisisinteresting]

That I should learn with time to be exposed to those kinds of situations and gradually become more comfortable with it.. maybe feel uncomfortable at times but persist... It should get better... (really, easier said than done..)

It will get better! Not that it's not still hard, but once you actually get out in the situation a few times, you'll notice it get a smidge easier each time. It probably won't even be outwardly noticeable at first, but it'll add up. One step at a time. Good luck, sir~