deserter85
Slut
Hi all,
I had previously posted on this board...
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308022
I had basically followed the advice given on that thread. I broke it off with my ex (remaining as friends). And I did tell the girl that I'm attracted to guys as well. She handled it much better than I expected (i.e. not completely crazy) but she thinks it is better for us to stay friends at this point in time.
Newly single, I went back online looking for sex... But what happened next is confusing to me.
I've been seeing quite a bit of this guy for the last 2 weeks or so. He initiated the first contact, asking to chat. His profile was surprisingly bare, showing just a photo of a hand (his, of course) playing a piano. I normally don't chat to people with a bare profile, but the music lover in me told me that there is no harm trying.
Within 5 minutes of chatting, the topic of what we do for a living came up. He asked what I was studying and I replied truthfully (i.e. medicine). Then he said something along the lines of "Oh dear, that's not good as I'm a doctor and I lecture at the university so I don't think we can have sex as there might be a conflict of interest. But if you'd like to we can continue chatting."
And so we continued chatting. After a couple of days of chatting online, I said "Well, I like chatting with you online, and anytime you want to meet for a coffee or something let me know." That night, I received a text from him asking where I was and if I wanted to meet for a drink. After telling him where I was, he came over shortly to where I lived to pick me up. Once I met him, I found that physically he's completely the type of guy that I'm into. Older, hairy and just a little bit chubby. We went to the nearby neighborhood pub and had a beer each. Unfortunately, the pub closed early that day for some reason so he asked if I'd like to chat elsewhere and I agreed to that.
During the conversation in the bar, I had mentioned that I had never streaked before in my life despite having seen many others do so while living in a residential college. So, he brought me to a very quiet place and said that we should streak naked just for the heck of it. I agreed to that and we spent the next 5 minutes running in the cold. After that, we spent the rest of the night chatting and looking at the stars before he dropped me off at home as it was getting late. It was probably the most fun I ever had with someone (while not having sex).
Over the next few days, we had exchanged a few texts here and there and continued to chat online. However, I had to fly back to Singapore for a few days. Coincidentally, he had booked a short trip to Malaysia and Singapore (not because of me, he planned that a long time back). I offered to show him around Singapore when he was in town and he agreed.
We met the night he was in Singapore. I brought him to a gay bar and we had a drink and just continued talking about various things. After we finished our drinks, he asked if I wanted to go to his hotel room and continue talking but sex was off-limits. I agreed to that as I really enjoy spending time with him, just talking.
With Singapore being a really hot island, we were both feeling very warm so we agreed to strip down to our underwear and just lie in bed and talk. We talked for a very long time before he mentioned that he had a sore shoulder. I offered to give him a shoulder and back massage. He agreed to a mutual massage on the condition that the massage didn't lead to sex.
Somehow, with the all the massaging and the chatting, time flew by very quickly and it was soon 2am. I asked him if it was O.K. for me to just stay the night as there no public transport available and I jokingly promised that I won't rape him in his sleep. He thought about it briefly but decided against it as he felt that it might not be appropriate. So I went home after that. The next day, I brought him to the major shopping district in Singapore and we pretty much spent the day window shopping and eating. After all that, I went with him to the airport to see him off as he was flying back to Australia that night.
I flew back to Australia the next night. He offered to pick me up to show his appreciation to me showing him around Singapore. By the time I touched down in Australia, there he was, waiting for me at the airport. That night, I spent the night at his place. We just cuddled, and talked till we fell asleep.
I think it was that night that I realized how much I actually like him. And not just sexually. I just thought that he'd be like the perfect guy for me. I think he might've caught on to that (primarily because I texted him 5-6x a day for the next few days). A couple of days after that, asked to me to go to his place for a chat. I discovered he had a Simon & Garfunkel songbook and I told him that I'm a fan of theirs (which is the truth). So we spent the next hour or so with him on the piano playing the music and me singing their songs. I enjoyed that greatly. It was getting pretty cold so he asked if I would like to retire to his bedroom and just talk under the sheets (he's got a really warm blanket and duvet).
He usually sleeps naked so he asked if I mind that he got naked. I said that it was ok. He then said, "Well, if I'm getting naked, then it's only fair that you are as well." Once I got under the sheets, naked, he asked "Now that there's literally nothing between us, let me ask you. Are you looking for sex or a relationship." I said that when it comes to him, I'd want a relationship. He then said that he can't do a relationship with me for several reasons. The main reason was that, I'm a medical student and with him a doctor who does teaching with the university, he could potentially affect my grades. Other factors was the fact that he's 19 years older than me, and that I should be with someone who can actually be with me right now. I told him that I'm not pushing for a relationship or even anything to happen. I just asked him to keep an open mind and if in 1.5 years time (when I graduate) we are both single and still interested, we should give this a try. And that if he found someone in that time, it's OK with me. After some convincing, he finally agreed.
We then decided not to talk about that topic and we talked about other things before we fell asleep in each others arms.
The next evening, I received a text from him asking if I would like to meet his friends for dinner. Happy for any opportunity to meet him, I agreed. We had a very nice time and he introduced me to one of his friends who is a psychiatrist (I'm aspiring to be one as well). After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go to his place. Of course I said yes. He then said that he had to go talk to his psychiatrist friend for a bit and that he'll meet me at the parking lot of his place later.
When we got to his place, he said "It's very cold tonight. Let's just get under the sheets and talk." Once we got our naked bodies under the sheets, he caught me completely off-guard when he said "Let's just do it". I asked him what happened between last night and now that made him change his mind. As it turns out, his psychiatrist friend said that it was OK for him to sleep with me
as he didn't see a problem. He then asked me, "So what do you want. Just sex or a relationship." I said "I told you last night already. With you, I'm definitely looking for a relationship." He then said "But we definitely have to be discreet about it as I don't want the university to know about it." I agreed to his condition. And we had sex. Very good sex. But I'm not going to use many words describing the sex as I don't think that's the point here. And we met up 2x more since then (for sex and talking).
So... Here's how I see things at the moment...
1) I'm pretty sure this is a not a rebound relationship. Surely you don't enjoy spending so much time with someone you're in a rebound relationship with?
2) We still have a good time both in bed and out of bed after having sex, so there's no reason to stop that.
But there are a few aspects that I still don't understand. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
1) So, are we in a relationship? I mean, he didn't actually at any point in time say "Yes, we're in a relationship." Also, I get the feeling that I'm a lot more into him than he is into me. That's OK with me for now but somehow I get the feeling that he sees me as a very good friend he has sex with, rather than a boyfriend. I don't really want to push him on this issue because when I asked him if he has any regrets with sleeping with me he said "I don't think so, but don't pressure me". I said "Pressure you to do what". He said "I do not know."
2) He's been paying for almost all the meals we had. Even when I offer to, he still insists on paying for it. I think the only thing I paid for so far was the McFlurries we had (that's like $2 each). I'm almost certain that the drinks + dinners we had must add up to like $300 at least. I'm worried that he might think that I'm only interested in going out with him because he's buying.
I had previously posted on this board...
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308022
I had basically followed the advice given on that thread. I broke it off with my ex (remaining as friends). And I did tell the girl that I'm attracted to guys as well. She handled it much better than I expected (i.e. not completely crazy) but she thinks it is better for us to stay friends at this point in time.
Newly single, I went back online looking for sex... But what happened next is confusing to me.
I've been seeing quite a bit of this guy for the last 2 weeks or so. He initiated the first contact, asking to chat. His profile was surprisingly bare, showing just a photo of a hand (his, of course) playing a piano. I normally don't chat to people with a bare profile, but the music lover in me told me that there is no harm trying.
Within 5 minutes of chatting, the topic of what we do for a living came up. He asked what I was studying and I replied truthfully (i.e. medicine). Then he said something along the lines of "Oh dear, that's not good as I'm a doctor and I lecture at the university so I don't think we can have sex as there might be a conflict of interest. But if you'd like to we can continue chatting."
And so we continued chatting. After a couple of days of chatting online, I said "Well, I like chatting with you online, and anytime you want to meet for a coffee or something let me know." That night, I received a text from him asking where I was and if I wanted to meet for a drink. After telling him where I was, he came over shortly to where I lived to pick me up. Once I met him, I found that physically he's completely the type of guy that I'm into. Older, hairy and just a little bit chubby. We went to the nearby neighborhood pub and had a beer each. Unfortunately, the pub closed early that day for some reason so he asked if I'd like to chat elsewhere and I agreed to that.
During the conversation in the bar, I had mentioned that I had never streaked before in my life despite having seen many others do so while living in a residential college. So, he brought me to a very quiet place and said that we should streak naked just for the heck of it. I agreed to that and we spent the next 5 minutes running in the cold. After that, we spent the rest of the night chatting and looking at the stars before he dropped me off at home as it was getting late. It was probably the most fun I ever had with someone (while not having sex).
Over the next few days, we had exchanged a few texts here and there and continued to chat online. However, I had to fly back to Singapore for a few days. Coincidentally, he had booked a short trip to Malaysia and Singapore (not because of me, he planned that a long time back). I offered to show him around Singapore when he was in town and he agreed.
We met the night he was in Singapore. I brought him to a gay bar and we had a drink and just continued talking about various things. After we finished our drinks, he asked if I wanted to go to his hotel room and continue talking but sex was off-limits. I agreed to that as I really enjoy spending time with him, just talking.
With Singapore being a really hot island, we were both feeling very warm so we agreed to strip down to our underwear and just lie in bed and talk. We talked for a very long time before he mentioned that he had a sore shoulder. I offered to give him a shoulder and back massage. He agreed to a mutual massage on the condition that the massage didn't lead to sex.
Somehow, with the all the massaging and the chatting, time flew by very quickly and it was soon 2am. I asked him if it was O.K. for me to just stay the night as there no public transport available and I jokingly promised that I won't rape him in his sleep. He thought about it briefly but decided against it as he felt that it might not be appropriate. So I went home after that. The next day, I brought him to the major shopping district in Singapore and we pretty much spent the day window shopping and eating. After all that, I went with him to the airport to see him off as he was flying back to Australia that night.
I flew back to Australia the next night. He offered to pick me up to show his appreciation to me showing him around Singapore. By the time I touched down in Australia, there he was, waiting for me at the airport. That night, I spent the night at his place. We just cuddled, and talked till we fell asleep.
I think it was that night that I realized how much I actually like him. And not just sexually. I just thought that he'd be like the perfect guy for me. I think he might've caught on to that (primarily because I texted him 5-6x a day for the next few days). A couple of days after that, asked to me to go to his place for a chat. I discovered he had a Simon & Garfunkel songbook and I told him that I'm a fan of theirs (which is the truth). So we spent the next hour or so with him on the piano playing the music and me singing their songs. I enjoyed that greatly. It was getting pretty cold so he asked if I would like to retire to his bedroom and just talk under the sheets (he's got a really warm blanket and duvet).
He usually sleeps naked so he asked if I mind that he got naked. I said that it was ok. He then said, "Well, if I'm getting naked, then it's only fair that you are as well." Once I got under the sheets, naked, he asked "Now that there's literally nothing between us, let me ask you. Are you looking for sex or a relationship." I said that when it comes to him, I'd want a relationship. He then said that he can't do a relationship with me for several reasons. The main reason was that, I'm a medical student and with him a doctor who does teaching with the university, he could potentially affect my grades. Other factors was the fact that he's 19 years older than me, and that I should be with someone who can actually be with me right now. I told him that I'm not pushing for a relationship or even anything to happen. I just asked him to keep an open mind and if in 1.5 years time (when I graduate) we are both single and still interested, we should give this a try. And that if he found someone in that time, it's OK with me. After some convincing, he finally agreed.
We then decided not to talk about that topic and we talked about other things before we fell asleep in each others arms.
The next evening, I received a text from him asking if I would like to meet his friends for dinner. Happy for any opportunity to meet him, I agreed. We had a very nice time and he introduced me to one of his friends who is a psychiatrist (I'm aspiring to be one as well). After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go to his place. Of course I said yes. He then said that he had to go talk to his psychiatrist friend for a bit and that he'll meet me at the parking lot of his place later.
When we got to his place, he said "It's very cold tonight. Let's just get under the sheets and talk." Once we got our naked bodies under the sheets, he caught me completely off-guard when he said "Let's just do it". I asked him what happened between last night and now that made him change his mind. As it turns out, his psychiatrist friend said that it was OK for him to sleep with me
as he didn't see a problem. He then asked me, "So what do you want. Just sex or a relationship." I said "I told you last night already. With you, I'm definitely looking for a relationship." He then said "But we definitely have to be discreet about it as I don't want the university to know about it." I agreed to his condition. And we had sex. Very good sex. But I'm not going to use many words describing the sex as I don't think that's the point here. And we met up 2x more since then (for sex and talking).So... Here's how I see things at the moment...
1) I'm pretty sure this is a not a rebound relationship. Surely you don't enjoy spending so much time with someone you're in a rebound relationship with?
2) We still have a good time both in bed and out of bed after having sex, so there's no reason to stop that.
But there are a few aspects that I still don't understand. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
1) So, are we in a relationship? I mean, he didn't actually at any point in time say "Yes, we're in a relationship." Also, I get the feeling that I'm a lot more into him than he is into me. That's OK with me for now but somehow I get the feeling that he sees me as a very good friend he has sex with, rather than a boyfriend. I don't really want to push him on this issue because when I asked him if he has any regrets with sleeping with me he said "I don't think so, but don't pressure me". I said "Pressure you to do what". He said "I do not know."
2) He's been paying for almost all the meals we had. Even when I offer to, he still insists on paying for it. I think the only thing I paid for so far was the McFlurries we had (that's like $2 each). I'm almost certain that the drinks + dinners we had must add up to like $300 at least. I'm worried that he might think that I'm only interested in going out with him because he's buying.
