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help! should I tell my BF?

Sex and love are two different things.

And what happened to you at the gym was barely even sex.

You have love and should keep it.

Don't tell the BF squat. What happened at the gym was inconsequential. Move on.
 
OK so the update is that I didn't tell him what happened but I have been to a counsellor to discuss why things got that far out of hand...

Turns out BF has been very busy with work lately and the counsellor thinks that I was feeling lonely and abandoned and this was my way of 'getting back' at him... which doesn't excuse my actions by any means but at least there's some sense there.

I discussed how I feel with my BF (without mentioning the counsellor or the, erm, 'incident') and we have decided to have one 'date day/night' every week where we spend time with each other. We had our first one on the weekend and went to the movies, then out for a nice meal and drinks, and it was really great.

Haven't even given the steam room a second thought despite having been back to the gym twice. Just in case I do feel tempted, I have a strategy in place - I don't bring a towel so I have to go home and shower/change. Seems to be working.

So... thanks for all your comments everyone - it's been a huge help getting this off my chest... even if you still don't agree with me...
 
trav83 said:
.

I admit I was semi-hard (as I often am after working out) and I should have done something to stop it. I did naively put myself in this situation but I honestly didn't know how to stop the guy... it might sounds stupid but it's the truth.
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Just a suggestion--if you are semi-hard and don't want the attention, just wear a towel!

But seriously, if you feel guilty about it you should tell him. It will make you feel better (or at least it would me). If your bf loves you he'll get over it. I've been with my partner a long time and if he were to tell me that he got a blow-job at the gym, I would be pissed about it, but it certainly wouldn't make me want to break up with him. During the first 5 years of our relationship we both strayed once or twice. We both got over it, and we're still together over 25 years later. If you tell him it will definitely be a test of your relationship, but if your bond is strong you will get past this and move on in your life together.
 
hmmm well considering that gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, and HPV are all transmittable by oral sex... If you truly did love your bf, with whom you have been monogamous with for 5 years, you should tell him to get tested anyway.... just because you love him.

And if you truly did love him.... which is very much in doubt because you are not being honest and faithful with him... you would have told him about your indiscretion.
 
I totally agree with MoltenRock. I can't believe you wouldn't tell him though...it seems so wrong not to. It's best to just get it over with. I know if I were in a relationship and someone cheated on me I doubt I would forgive them but there would be hope if they told me right away...but if they waited or I found out somewhere else things would be over in an instant.
 
trav83 said:
...we have decided to have one 'date day/night' every week where we spend time with each other. We had our first one on the weekend and went to the movies, then out for a nice meal and drinks, and it was really great.
Click to expand...

Trust me when I tell you this.

This type of action will always go a long way in setting right whatever problems or difficulties you may find yourself in any relationship that you find yourself in; spending some quality time with them.

But you have to MAKE it happen.

Nothing worth having is easy, or will just fall in your lap.

Someone fell into your lap, and now you know. (*8*)
 
After re-reading this thread I have realized.. and you should as well.. your relationship is just about over..

You have been with this guy for 5 years..YET.. you still feel the need to lie to him, keep important things that he SHOULD know about from him, CHEAT ON HIM,and run away from being a responsible adult meaning not taking responsibility for your own actions...

and then when you totally fuck up you come on here looking for "advice" when in all actuality you came looking for an excuse..

I don't think you ever had any intention of actually wanting to tell your boyfriend anything considering nearly everyone told you to be honest yet you took the first response that said "don't tell him" and ran with it.

What you have accomplished is to show us all that you have NO respect for yourself or your boyfriend, and that lack of respect is actually going to be the downfall of your "relationship."
 
You will notice that now that he got his "excuse" he hasn't been back to this thread.
 
I think we've discovered another one of those issues like circumcision or enemas to which there is a lot of argument but never a resolution.
 
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