Help with a guy

[hollywooder18]

Hey everybody, this is my first post so I hope I can get some help here. Been a long-term lurker and now I'm in a situation where I need some guidance. And this will probably get a little long, but I appreciate all those who have the time.

Anyways, here's the story. I graduated high school last year (2010) and throughout the entire year, I had a pretty big crush on a guy that worked at the school. He wasn't (isn't) a teacher, or a coach or anything like that, more of a maintenance man. He's 30/31 years old, so he's got quite the amount of years on me (19). I never really talked to him much, mainly about our baseball team (which I played on) and I know he played at the same school back when he attended, so the few times we talked were mainly about how the season was going, etc. I really developed a strong attraction to the guy, but never acted on it because a. didn't know if he was into guys and b. didn't wanna jeopardize his job/my social status (I'm not out to anybody).

And this is where things get tricky. After I graduated, I kinda got over him, but never completely. About a week or two ago, I started going back up to the school for basketball games and lo and behold, he was working there so my feelings sparked right back up. After seeing him a few times, I decided to act. I couldn't confront him face to face because of the lack of confrontation we've had, so what did I do? I wrote him a letter and left it at his house (parent's house actually, where he lives)...I know, stalkerish, but what else could I do? I have a few friends that live near him so I knew where he lived.

I ended up leaving my number (but not my name) on the letter, and pretty much told him if he was interested to text me. Next day I woke up, and he texted me All he said was "Who" and then I realized, I hadn't planned out a response. This all happened yesterday, and I'm not sure if he was just kinda ignoring my texts or if he just isn't into the whole thing too much, but this is how the conversation went (and yes, I know, I'm a wuss

Him: who
Me: i'm sorry, i shouldnt have done that
::4 hour wait::
Me: hey the reason i said that earlier was cause if i told you who i was, anytime i'd see you in the future would be pretty awkward, unless you thought you might already know, then i guess it wouldnt really matter
::hour wait::
Him: never know
Me: oh yeah? you got no guesses?
Him: u should tell
Me: you really that interested or just curious to know?
::hour wait::
Me: now youre just killing me, i mean i would like ya to know but youre trying to get me to tell ya and now you're too busy to answer haha
::14 hour wait::
Me: so ya never got back to me last night
::6 hour wait::
Me: well now i've gotta just be bothering ya haha. idk if you're still interested in knowing but like i said last night, i want you to know, I just dont know how into the whole thing you are


and that's where I'm left standing so I'm not too sure what to do next. Only reason I even thought he may be interested is because while checking him out (alot) I sometimes felt he was returning the glances so I went for it. Now I really don't know what to do because I feel like if I text him again, I'll just be pushing it way to far. Obviously I could just tell him, but I wanted to see if he was actually interested before taking that plunge. I'll probably end up seeing him sometime this week, so I was thinking if I haven't told him (through text) but then, maybe I should just walk by him, hand him another note saying something like "now you know who it was, if youre interested, let me know" and wait and see, but i'm still clueless Thoughts on the situation?

 

[gingentleman]

Let it go, baby.

 

[redips]

Hm. Does he know that this mysterious person who left him the note is a guy?

In any case, unless he texts back, I wouldn't push it. If he wanted to, he would've texted you back by now.

 

[hollywooder18]

Sorry to not specify, in the note I did mention that it was a guy who was writing it, and I mentioned that I realized there was only a small chance that he would be into guys. That's why when I got the "never know" response I was a bit unsure what to make of it.

 

[Georgiadude]

First. Welcome to JUB.

If something like this happened to me I would be pretty freaked out. Someone out of the blue leaves me a NOTE at my home and then sends cryptic text messages. I wouldn't reply either. I'd block the number. "stalkerish" Ya think? What did you say in the letter? Did you tell him your a guy that is interested in him? He could very easily do a reverse look up and know who you are and where you live. It's very easy to do. I've done it. What you did is creepy and juvenile. Even if he is bi or gay I highly doubt he has any interest in anything further. You should approach him and let him know it was you and that your sorry. He'll let you know if he's interested or not. DO NOT txt him again or pass him a note. Sounds like something a jr. high girl would do. Either let it go or put your big boy pants on and tell him it was you.

Steven.

 

[redips]

ah, that is a little more interesting.

But nevertheless, yeah, I'd give it up, buddy.

 

[collegeguy89]

I agree with all the said posts, you gotta let it go.

What you did was a different approach to what other people could have done. I think it wouldn't work out. If he wasn't giving you the signs before, then it's probably best to just leave it where you're ahead, you might have freaked him out a little bit, hence him not returning the text messages.

Here's an experience that I went through, take it for what it's worth:

This girl who liked me did the same thing. She knew I was having a bad week, so she actually drove to my house and left my a box of chocolates and a letter on my doorstep. However, here's the thing, she didn't put her name on the letter. So here I was, staring at a box of chocolates and a love letter with no name at the end. I was like, wtf is going on? Once I found out who it was, no matter who it was, I dropped her like a hot potato. Super awkward, super stalkerish. No bueno.

 

[KaraBulut]

The reason that this incident comes across as "something a jr. high girl would do" is that it's the kind of crazy thing that people do when they have a crush on someone.

You took a risk, You put yourself out there. But the bottom line is that you're a closeted guy with a crush on a straight school janitor who lives with his parents.

You didn't have a plan- what were you expecting? To sneak under the bleachers for a blowjob? For him to ask you on a date?

If you stop to think for a moment, you'll realize that this wasn't about the janitor- it was about taking the risk. OK. You did that.

Now it's time for you to move past this crush and have real adult relationships. Meet guys your age. Go on dates. Do the rest of the things that people do as they grow up and move on to adult relationships.

And welcome to JUB.

 

[backpacker]

Let's look at it from his viewpoint. Someone drops a note off at his house claiming to be a guy who is interested in him. He works at a school and the note is the type of thing a school aged kid would do. He knows that if does anything with a student that he could lose his job. Some would even question him hooking up with with a student who just graduated. How does he know this isn't some students trying to make a fool of him or out him. You want him to risk his job in a text message before you will even tell him your name. I can certainly see why he isn't responding to your text messages.

Others have said you took a risk. I don't view it that way. I doubt you thought about him doing a reserve number look up. What is did is anonymously contacted him hoping he would take all the risk. Life doesn't work like that. You can either forget about it or apologize in person. Tell him you are the one who left the note and that you realize it wasn't a cool way to approach him. Let him know that you aren't out and you are fearful that people will find out. Let him know you didn't think about how this would look from his viewpoint.

I have to wonder if you have thought through what will happen if you are both interested. Will it be a one-time hookup? Do you want a relationship? I really doubt you have that much in common with this guy. If you were out, would this guy even be on your radar?

 

[mbamike]

Forget about this guy and move on with your life.

 

[On The Edge]

I wudn't respond either...it honestly does come out a bit stalkerish...plus as said....kids are known to play mean jokes....I doubt he wanna take a risk...but hey it was brave of u....I wud also move on...& just leave it where it is....good luck