Help with coming out please.

[SexualTeen]

Well, I am 18, still in high school & this closet is getting way too tight. Starting to cause physical pain actually. I really want to come out but I am scared as hell to do it. I'll give some background & hopefully you guys could help me out. Thanks.

Well, back in 8th grade my father found my google history of shirtless guys & huge dicks. He asked me there if there was anything I wanted to tell him but I denied everything & said I did it because I was bored. He dropped it & it was never brought up again. My mom has been going through some issues with painkillers & spent a week in jail around the end of October. They didn't do any sort of rehab because she was too have back surgery in early December & decided to wait until January since they would have to put her back on after the surgery. Would telling her that I'm gay after she starts set her back in treatment? She also has 2 gay uncles.

My father is a Fox News watching Republican. He does have a gay friend though & told his other friends to quit making jokes about him.

Well, any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 

[Audio Tech]

I never feel qualified to give advice, since it took me MUCH longer to come out. At 45, actually. I regret this for the rest of my life. But things are easier NOW than when I was 18.

I think the plus on your side is the fact that your dad has a gay friend and is ok with that, as well as the 2 uncles. Yes, it's a tough one, and only YOU can decide what's best for you. But more and more, people are becoming accepting of us.

Good luck to you.

 

[swerve]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother -- I hope her surgery goes well and that she'll be able to get off of the pain killers easily...

Having read your post -- I would have to say that you sound like a really impressive guy -- to be self aware at the age of 18 is an awesome thing...

Ultimately, coming out is for YOU and not everyone else -- therefore, what little advice I can give is to do it when YOU are ready -- I suspect that there will rarely be a "perfect" time to do it...

Other than -- the sooner the better -- because it will make YOUR life so much better...

Best of luck and let us know how it goes...

 

[Lube]

Oh, you poor thing!

We worry so much.

We think it's going to be this biiiiiiiiiiig issue.

We think no one has a clue that we're gay.

We think everyone's heartless.

All I can say is that you have it so much easier than most guys. Most guys don't really know what their family thinks. But you--you've got two gay uncles on your mother's side, and your father defends his gay friend? And your father asked you 5 years ago if you had anything to hide?

Fella, your family is just waiting for you to tell them what they already know.

Good luck! And tell us how it goes.

 

[SexualTeen]

I never feel qualified to give advice, since it took me MUCH longer to come out. At 45, actually. I regret this for the rest of my life. But things are easier NOW than when I was 18.

I think the plus on your side is the fact that your dad has a gay friend and is ok with that, as well as the 2 uncles. Yes, it's a tough one, and only YOU can decide what's best for you. But more and more, people are becoming accepting of us.

Good luck to you.

You're story really got to me, Audio. I read a few hours ago.

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother -- I hope her surgery goes well and that she'll be able to get off of the pain killers easily...

Having read your post -- I would have to say that you sound like a really impressive guy -- to be self aware at the age of 18 is an awesome thing...

Ultimately, coming out is for YOU and not everyone else -- therefore, what little advice I can give is to do it when YOU are ready -- I suspect that there will rarely be a "perfect" time to do it...

Other than -- the sooner the better -- because it will make YOUR life so much better...

Best of luck and let us know how it goes...

She had her surgery last week & is doing very well.

Oh, you poor thing!

We worry so much.

We think it's going to be this biiiiiiiiiiig issue.

We think no one has a clue that we're gay.

We think everyone's heartless.

All I can say is that you have it so much easier than most guys. Most guys don't really know what their family thinks. But you--you've got two gay uncles on your mother's side, and your father defends his gay friend? And your father asked you 5 years ago if you had anything to hide?

Fella, your family is just waiting for you to tell them what they already know.

Good luck! And tell us how it goes.

Thanks for the support everyone! I hope it does go well & I will update you guys.

 

[thatguygus]

Waiting can be one of the worst things you can do. If you're experiencing physical pain then do it. Your mom and dad sound like they would take it well. I'm 20 and came out to my mom when I was 17 and no one else until recently but having my mom know really made it easier than it would've been with no one at all knowing. I hope your mom gets better and hopefully it turn out well for you GOOD LUCK.

 

[Seasoned]

It's best to have control over one's own coming out. You seem ready, but like most here, I will concur that it's up to you. When ready, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. It seems as though your parents will live up to that name and support you. I hope that is what happens.

Do you have siblings or an extended family? If so, what is your plan regarding them?

I wish you all the best. Hopefully this will be a wonderful Christmas gift to yourself. You have lots of support here.

 

[SexualTeen]

I have a brother but I really don't care either way. I'm not going to tell him. He can find out through the grapevine. That's kind of the plan for my extended family too.

I doubt it will be before Christmas. I was thinking of doing it on New Year's Eve & start the year off fresh, free and open at home & school.

 

[JackFTwist]

ST, just do it, as others have said, as was said specifically, they are waiting for you to tell them what they already know - and they are ok with it. Get the burden off yourself because you don't need to bear the burden.

Someone gave me grief about why I came out to my father (he doesn't watch Fox, but he is/was a right wing Republican his whole life), saying why would I need to do that. My answer was so that my father wouldn't hear it first from someone else. And what my father said to me was, "you're not the only one in the family." And in all the years since it has hardly ever come up in conversation, and then only by me.

I get the sense that in your family too it just won't matter, so liberate yourself, do it, and get on with life. Be very glad you don't have a homophobic family like most of the posters who post about this.

 

[Lube]

It's best to have control over one's own coming out.

Yes, I couldn't agree more. That's another reason not to put it off indefinitely.

It sounds like you have a plan. And what a great New Year's resolution!

 

[Audio Tech]

You're story really got to me, Audio. I read a few hours ago


Thanks for the support everyone! I hope it does go well & I will update you guys.

I'm glad you read it. I was soooo scared, but the physical pain and mental torment were beyond what I could carry any longer.

In the end it was no big deal at all.

Since then, my health has been improving DRAMATICALLY. I feel better, I sleep better, I smile a lot... In general my life has been nothing but improving. If I loose any friends, they weren't my friends to begin with.

Having sufferend for so long, everytime I see a young man posting about this, it hurts. I just think "DO IT!" Don't fuck up your life like I did. Get out there and be yourself. You DESERVE to be happy, just like everyone else.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

[SexualTeen]

I had my chance tonight to come out to my mom, but, being the chicken shit that I am, I didn't take the leap.

This fucking sucks.

 

[Lube]

In the end it was no big deal at all.

Since then, my health has been improving DRAMATICALLY. I feel better, I sleep better, I smile a lot... In general my life has been nothing but improving. If I loose any friends, they weren't my friends to begin with.

Having sufferend for so long, everytime I see a young man posting about this, it hurts. I just think "DO IT!" Don't fuck up your life like I did.

That's exactly how I feel. Perhaps that's why I come across as so aggressive about coming out.

Being in the closet just doesn't make sense much any more for many guys in America. It's just so not a big deal nowadays.

 

[Lube]

I had my chance tonight to come out to my mom, but, being the chicken shit that I am, I didn't take the leap.

This fucking sucks.

Don't be hard on yourself. But do keep trying. It'll come out eventually!

 

[Audio Tech]

Don't be hard on yourself. But do keep trying. It'll come out eventually!

I totally agree. You'll find the right moment, don't worry.

Speaking of..... A friend sent me a christmas card with a hot guy on it! And I DON'T have to HIDE it!!! Now THAT feels AWESOME!!!

 

[Chardius]

I had my chance tonight to come out to my mom, but, being the chicken shit that I am, I didn't take the leap.

This fucking sucks.

Been there man, I came out to my mother when I was 17. She took it well but (BIG ASS BUT HERE) she used it as fodder in my parent's divorce. Not the best outcome but hey it couldn't be all awesome, like the rest of it was. If you can get through this you will be a happier and stronger person in the long run. You will have asserted your own happiness over and above the worries of others, you will have removed a barrier to every future decision that you will make. The outcomes here can be catastrophic, but there is overwhelming possibility for success and happiness as well. It will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but if you are ever faced with such a decision again you will have had the mental and emotional muscle stretched, flexed, and ready to do it again. Good luck to you and know that we're all rooting for ya.

 

[spunk-junky]

This is a tangent. I am tired of Republicans getting bashed for supposedly being gay-hating. When this got to be a plank (or perceived plank) in their agenda I don't know, but it is ridiculous. Not all Republicans are socially conservative or evangelical Christians, just as I imagine not all Democrats like gays, let alone support gay marriage. I support small government, low taxes, people pulling themselves up from their boot-straps and maintaining a strong military (I did not say I support starting wars. The military serves many important functions other than this). I believe in clear separation of church and state, don't think average citizens should tote around guns and am pro-choice. Yet, I identify as being Republican. However, I have a brain and do not vote straight up and down Republican. I voted for Obama because Palin is a dangerous idiot. I would have voted for McCain but his choice of Palin caused me to seriously doubt his judgment.

As to your coming out, I say do it as soon as reasonably possible. The freedom it brings cannot adequately be described in words. This is your life and you deserve to live it honestly and openly. My only word of caution is this: you are 18 yo and likely financially dependent upon them for housing, transportation, school, etc. If you think this may be threatened once your parents know for certain, your announcement should be postponed until you are more financially independent. That doesn't mean you cannot be out in other areas of your life, such as at college, but it may need to be kept from your parents a while longer. Good luck to you! And remember, not all Republicans watch Fox News!!!

 

[SexualTeen]

I came out on Facebook today. Nothing too catastrophic yet...

 

[TomahawkEagle]

I'd say wait until you are ready. Are you going on to uni?? If you are, you might want to hold off on coming out to your parents for a while. I'm 28 and still haven't come out to my parents yet.

 

[Lube]

I came out on Facebook today. Nothing too catastrophic yet...

Sometimes people aren't as surprised as we think they'll be.

Congrats!