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Help with dealing with a roomie

J

jabberdash

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This is going to sound so cliche...

Ok, I have a roomie that I am totally attracted to. I've only known him for a month now, but we click on so many levels. But, just like the cliche situation, this guy is probably not gay.

I say probably because I'm not 100% certain. He's giving off some hints that he might not be totally straight. I can't really pinpoint it, but my gaydar definitely goes off on this guy. But in that uncertainty lies my problem.

I'm afraid that I'm banking on the very minute chance of him being gay, and even if he is, theres an even smaller chance that he is even attracted to me.

Right now he acts like I'm his best friend. We spend a ton of time together and when I want alone time for myself he does something subtle to hint that he wants some company.

He has talked about ex girlfriends, so I know he's at least bi, if not straight altogether. Any time he shows any sort of attraction to anyone, I get so frustrated. I also get annoyed when he is spending time with our other roomate and they are laughing it up. I guess I just want this guy all to myself and I want him to notice me all the time.

I just don't know what to do. It is hard to be just his friend because I am so attracted to him. But at the same time, I know that this will end up in heartache for me if I don't start thinking of him as just a friend.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Any suggestions on the matter would be very helpful. But please dont ask for a picture.
 
Obvious question that you managed to avoid answering - are you out to him?

Lex
 
jabberdash said:
Not out. I'm scared that will ruin our friendship.
Click to expand...

If you're not able to be honest, then it's not really that much of a friendship, is it?
 
Honestly, in most cases, if you don't make a deal of it, they won't either. Don't feel like you have to plan out a conversation or some sort of formal announcement. A simple passing "Dude, that guy's pretty hot," will do the job.
 
ahhh...
i was in that stage for a min. one of my roommates was on my "list" haha. but then i realized, if anything were to happen, even by one of those, lets say...drunken nights or whatever, how is this going to effect everything? we live together...were really tight with each other...how would things be AFTERWARDS???
just somethin to think about...i can relate to your situation man..
 
I'd say come out to him. Just let him know you're gay - that's it. If he's gay, too, that's his signal to come out to you. If he doesn't, then he's not interested in you sexually, and you can put that behind you. If he does, well, enjoy what comes next. :)

Lex
 
i'm in exactly the same situation, but the guy is 21 not 27 haha
 
KaraBulut said:
If you're not able to be honest, then it's not really that much of a friendship, is it?
Click to expand...

girl i dont think you understand how solid friendships can turn into putty once some one is outed to be gay in our society its like saying ive commited murder
of course true friendship can weather that storm but it is a storm to weather and for some one whom you do not have a long history with it can snap like that
 
>>>girl i dont think you understand how solid friendships can turn into putty once some one is outed to be gay in our society its like saying ive commited murder

Not all of us live in Alaska.

Lex
 
Lewis1 said:
girl i dont think you understand how solid friendships can turn into putty once some one is outed to be gay in our society its like saying ive commited murder
Click to expand...

I'm not a girl or a gurl. Never wanted to be. Never will be.

Let me assure you that I understand how valuable true friends are. Any friend who would end a friendship because you come out to them was never your friend. And it's no great loss.

Never waste valuable time or energy on friends who don't accept you and support you for who you are. Life is far too short.
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>girl i dont think you understand how solid friendships can turn into putty once some one is outed to be gay in our society its like saying ive commited murder

Not all of us live in Alaska.

Lex
Click to expand...

Alaska isn't much different than anywhere else in the country. The larger cities and towns are more tolerant and have a visible gay community. In smaller places it's harder. I feel Alaskans have a stronger attitude of "live and let live" than other places. If you are a good, responsible man people respect that and leave you alone. That said, there are assholes and religious bigots everywhere; Alaska's no different there, either.
 
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