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Help with my Friend
- Thread starter yeahman21
- Start date
man o man do i know what you are feeling. if you dont believe me, see my thread (i give occasional updates). you will see we have something very much in common. the "hints" from my perspetive keep getting more intimate, in fact, my guy friend hugged me and gave me a kiss on the neck, right in front of his girlfriend, after he kissed her. i was surprised, but still secretely enjoyed it.
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229721
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229721
You're probably going to get half the forum saying, "yeah, totally go for it! Fuck him rotten!"
However, I'd advise you to step back a second and think about some priorities.
From what you've said, it does seem as if he's "fallen" for you. He may also be closeted, and somehow knows about you. It's not terribly unusual for friends to fall in love. And sometimes, it can work. Other times, the fact that they had a friendship prior can make things too weird to last.
So putting aside the genders involved, let's look at things from a pure perspective.
In this particular situation, you have a good dear friend who is about to get married. Lately, this friend has been showing signs of being into you. This friend seems to take most of the initiative of super-friendly activities.
Now, you could go along with it and something "happens". Although you will have help your friend cheat on the future spouse. On the other hand, if your friend is willing to cheat with you, who's to say that cheating with others would never occur? But you would feel right with yourself being an accessory to that sort of thing? Some people don't give it a second thought.
What's important to you? Do you cherish the friendship that you two have? Do you think the both of you can make a relationship work? Do you think you can spend the rest of your lives together?
I can already see that while your libido is saying yes, something else is giving you a red flag to stop and think. And this is good, since running recklessly into a situation like this, and letting "what's natural" take its course may turn out to be a disaster: ruining two relationships in one fell swoop.
If it were me, I'd tag him as off-limits in my mind. And not because of gender -- because he's engaged, and we're just friends. If his advances continue and become more obvious, you're probably going to want to ask him if he knows you're gay, and that this "thing" that's been going on isn't appropriate. If he admits his attraction to you, the best thing for him to do is to either forget about you, or to rightfully call off the wedding if you two choose to pursue something more. I don't, for one second, believe in any kind of secret fling or relationship behind the back of another person. If the fiancee knows about this, that would be a different story, but that's probably not the case.
Going behind your partner's back is, no matter the reason.
So that's my advice: wait, confront, and decide.
However, I'd advise you to step back a second and think about some priorities.
From what you've said, it does seem as if he's "fallen" for you. He may also be closeted, and somehow knows about you. It's not terribly unusual for friends to fall in love. And sometimes, it can work. Other times, the fact that they had a friendship prior can make things too weird to last.
So putting aside the genders involved, let's look at things from a pure perspective.
In this particular situation, you have a good dear friend who is about to get married. Lately, this friend has been showing signs of being into you. This friend seems to take most of the initiative of super-friendly activities.
Now, you could go along with it and something "happens". Although you will have help your friend cheat on the future spouse. On the other hand, if your friend is willing to cheat with you, who's to say that cheating with others would never occur? But you would feel right with yourself being an accessory to that sort of thing? Some people don't give it a second thought.
What's important to you? Do you cherish the friendship that you two have? Do you think the both of you can make a relationship work? Do you think you can spend the rest of your lives together?
I can already see that while your libido is saying yes, something else is giving you a red flag to stop and think. And this is good, since running recklessly into a situation like this, and letting "what's natural" take its course may turn out to be a disaster: ruining two relationships in one fell swoop.
If it were me, I'd tag him as off-limits in my mind. And not because of gender -- because he's engaged, and we're just friends. If his advances continue and become more obvious, you're probably going to want to ask him if he knows you're gay, and that this "thing" that's been going on isn't appropriate. If he admits his attraction to you, the best thing for him to do is to either forget about you, or to rightfully call off the wedding if you two choose to pursue something more. I don't, for one second, believe in any kind of secret fling or relationship behind the back of another person. If the fiancee knows about this, that would be a different story, but that's probably not the case.
Going behind your partner's back is, no matter the reason.
So that's my advice: wait, confront, and decide.
fireside
Porn Star
This has 'FAIL' written all over it. Allow the friendships to take precedence in this situation. There will be plenty of guys in your future; he's already in someone else's future.
The thing that's kind of cluing me in is the whole "he grabbed my junk when we got drunk" affair. Alcohol is a truth serum. And some sides of a person start to come forward that would otherwise be hidden away.
I don't have a whole lot of first hand experience with "bromance". I have a few "bros", and we horse around sometimes. But the buddy-buddy pats and touches never get down to the level of behavior that you describe.
I think you're taking a mature approach. It's never really worth it to sacrifice friendship for mere sex. If and when you get to the point where you need to tell him to back off, you don't need to go right up and say it. You can give him hints and "bro gestures". Kind of like, "Dude, how old are you? Knock it off already! Haha!" Or, "Come on, man. I'm not the one wearing the other ring here." If he can't take the hint, however, then you might need to be more direct. And just consider that while it may be awkward for a bit after he gets the hints; but it's pretty awkward for you right now. And that's not fair, is it?
I'm sure you can figure it out if it ever gets that far.
I don't have a whole lot of first hand experience with "bromance". I have a few "bros", and we horse around sometimes. But the buddy-buddy pats and touches never get down to the level of behavior that you describe.
I think you're taking a mature approach. It's never really worth it to sacrifice friendship for mere sex. If and when you get to the point where you need to tell him to back off, you don't need to go right up and say it. You can give him hints and "bro gestures". Kind of like, "Dude, how old are you? Knock it off already! Haha!" Or, "Come on, man. I'm not the one wearing the other ring here." If he can't take the hint, however, then you might need to be more direct. And just consider that while it may be awkward for a bit after he gets the hints; but it's pretty awkward for you right now. And that's not fair, is it?
I'm sure you can figure it out if it ever gets that far.
Jerry
Here, hold this
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I think he's going a little past the normal straight buddy stuff here. I'm not even considering the crotch grab so much here, because I've seenn straight guys do that before. Kinda depends on how it's done and I wasn't there.
But throwing you on the couch, laying on top of you, and suggesting you watch the game like that? I've never seen straight guys do that before.
The last time something like that happened with a friend and me, something sexual eventually happened.
So if you're cool with this touching and stuff, then let it be. Maybe he just likes being close to you and maybe he's a little curious, but it doesn't mean you have to have sex or anything. Just enjoy the bond you have with your friend.
But if he tries to push it further and gets real sexual, just let him know that you don't want to go that far. Doing something with him now would be bad for everyone involved.
But throwing you on the couch, laying on top of you, and suggesting you watch the game like that? I've never seen straight guys do that before.
The last time something like that happened with a friend and me, something sexual eventually happened.
So if you're cool with this touching and stuff, then let it be. Maybe he just likes being close to you and maybe he's a little curious, but it doesn't mean you have to have sex or anything. Just enjoy the bond you have with your friend.
But if he tries to push it further and gets real sexual, just let him know that you don't want to go that far. Doing something with him now would be bad for everyone involved.
Dude, just find some dude online that looks like him and then fuck him senseless. You don't want to fuck up everything just because you're pent up and horny.
_jerk it, hook-up with someone else, and repeat.
_jerk it, hook-up with someone else, and repeat.
teenbriefboi
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i agree... dont ruin the friendship.
bullwing413
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Listen, if you're as close as you say you are then just confront him with the idea that you believe yourself to be at least bisexual and that he's turning you on. If he really loves you, he'll take that as a compliment and say yes or no, but either way the elephant in the room goes away, and you can move on with him as more than a friend or just as good friend that you don't have to hide yourself from. You can wind up experimenting or not, it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
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Hey bud I know how ur feelin. Chances are he's straight and just messin around. Don't take it too seriously. I know it's REALLY hard, but just let it go, and don't act on what ur feelin. So many straight guys just love to fool around but aren't serious, and it's all a joke to them.
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He works at A&F, how straight could he be? 
It sounds like a good time and he sounds like a good buddy to share the secret of your life. I know it isn't easy and there is he risk it could go badly, but wouldn't you rather it happen now than a couple years from now when you are even more attached to him?
He seems a little more than just frisky to me.
It sounds like a good time and he sounds like a good buddy to share the secret of your life. I know it isn't easy and there is he risk it could go badly, but wouldn't you rather it happen now than a couple years from now when you are even more attached to him?
He seems a little more than just frisky to me.
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It's not really the kind of thing you want to keep secret all your life and especially not from someone whose friendship you treasure. Only you can decide which time is best, but first you have to decide if are willing to do it.
Why him? You care a lot for him and it seems like he cares for you, right? You might as well share it with someone important in your life.
Do what feels right to you. If you decide to keep it a secret, that is your choice.
You seem like a nice guy and your friend is lucky to have you. It appears he enjoys your company, too. I wouldn't pressure you one way or another except to say we have all been there.
Why him? You care a lot for him and it seems like he cares for you, right? You might as well share it with someone important in your life.
Do what feels right to you. If you decide to keep it a secret, that is your choice.
You seem like a nice guy and your friend is lucky to have you. It appears he enjoys your company, too. I wouldn't pressure you one way or another except to say we have all been there.
god damn you rock, i love it!!! plain and simple.
Blueboy369
JUB Addict
Don't ruin what you have by talking about it. Go with the flow. The next time he pins you down say "I'd like this a lot more if we were naked."
you've got options, you know what they are.
1-continue as is and let the frustration build.
2- talk about it but understand the possible consequences.
3- remove yourself from the situation.
or do 2 and 3 combined.
that's what I've done when I fell for a "straight" guy.
this "straight" friend of mine kept coming back to me though I ignored it and lost the feelings with time.
just be cool, don't do anything rash and keep your feelings in check.
1-continue as is and let the frustration build.
2- talk about it but understand the possible consequences.
3- remove yourself from the situation.
or do 2 and 3 combined.
that's what I've done when I fell for a "straight" guy.
this "straight" friend of mine kept coming back to me though I ignored it and lost the feelings with time.
just be cool, don't do anything rash and keep your feelings in check.
you did read my earlier comment with the link in it right, i just want you to feel that you are not alone, alot of us get into situations like this. i currently am going with the flow. i am still amazed how i am "desired" to be with by my friend. just go with the flow my friend, go with the flow.
Hey buddy,
Here is my advice for what its worth...
You seem like a really great guy and the fact that you and your friend are so close is awesome. I honestly think that those relationships are rare among guys, gay or straight. He obviously loves you and wants you in his life. If you tell him, at least you will know where you stand on the issue. He is not going to shut you out or stop being your friend. I think if anything it would only make you guys closer. At least you would be honest and not be keeping secrets from him. If you let this go on too long, when it does come out, he may end up feeling betrayed. And, its gonna come out sometime, eventually the sexual tension is going to make things akward. Wouldnt you have rather already talked about it before that happens? Who knows, maybe you will get lucky...maybe he's feeling the same way and is also too scare to tell you. Maybe thats what all the "touching" is about.
That being said, ill tell you from experience, if you keep this to yourself and never tell him, you will go insane. There is no worse feeling than unreciprocated love. It hurts like hell and there is no way out of it if you keep living a lie. Coming out is horrifying but you have to accept its who you are and choose to be happy. If he is as good a friend as you say, he will be there for you. Good luck my friend.
Here is my advice for what its worth...
You seem like a really great guy and the fact that you and your friend are so close is awesome. I honestly think that those relationships are rare among guys, gay or straight. He obviously loves you and wants you in his life. If you tell him, at least you will know where you stand on the issue. He is not going to shut you out or stop being your friend. I think if anything it would only make you guys closer. At least you would be honest and not be keeping secrets from him. If you let this go on too long, when it does come out, he may end up feeling betrayed. And, its gonna come out sometime, eventually the sexual tension is going to make things akward. Wouldnt you have rather already talked about it before that happens? Who knows, maybe you will get lucky...maybe he's feeling the same way and is also too scare to tell you. Maybe thats what all the "touching" is about.
That being said, ill tell you from experience, if you keep this to yourself and never tell him, you will go insane. There is no worse feeling than unreciprocated love. It hurts like hell and there is no way out of it if you keep living a lie. Coming out is horrifying but you have to accept its who you are and choose to be happy. If he is as good a friend as you say, he will be there for you. Good luck my friend.
Lube
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One way of reading that is that he's unhappy with his girlfriend and is in love with you.
But you'll never know unless you tell him you're gay.
Everybody always wants the other guy to say it first.
From the ass-groping, couch-squishing, and pocket-inserting he's been doing to you lately, I'm 99% sure he likes you. Whether he'll admit it or not is another story.
Good luck!
send you a private message buddy, hope you get it.
B
blackbeltninja
Guest
I think that if you do tell him, you should tell him in a neutral setting.
When you're not wrestling or grappling, when he's not on top of you, nothing like that. Make sure it's somewhere with a physical barrier between you - across a counter, or table or something similar.
I ended up doing this with a guy I came out to, a friend of mine who I go to gym with now. I wanted to tell him for ages, and I decided to do so before he joined my gym so at least he'd know already and not find out halfway through and wonder if I was perving at him all the time in the locker room or anything like that.
Still, I told him at a neutral venue, across a counter with him nearest the door so that if the idea weirded him out or anything it would be easy to let him leave. Maybe I gave him too much leeway and too much power in the situation, but I thought it would be the best way of doing it. Nothing will ever happen between us anyway - I wouldn't let it; for various reasons - and we are still just friends. In fact, I'm glad to say, nothing has changed.
I would tell this guy, if I were you. And I'd tell him with enough time before the planned trip to the Big Apple so there's enough time for either of you to bail on it if it gets weird, for whatever reason, closer to the time.
Good luck.
-d-
When you're not wrestling or grappling, when he's not on top of you, nothing like that. Make sure it's somewhere with a physical barrier between you - across a counter, or table or something similar.
I ended up doing this with a guy I came out to, a friend of mine who I go to gym with now. I wanted to tell him for ages, and I decided to do so before he joined my gym so at least he'd know already and not find out halfway through and wonder if I was perving at him all the time in the locker room or anything like that.
Still, I told him at a neutral venue, across a counter with him nearest the door so that if the idea weirded him out or anything it would be easy to let him leave. Maybe I gave him too much leeway and too much power in the situation, but I thought it would be the best way of doing it. Nothing will ever happen between us anyway - I wouldn't let it; for various reasons - and we are still just friends. In fact, I'm glad to say, nothing has changed.
I would tell this guy, if I were you. And I'd tell him with enough time before the planned trip to the Big Apple so there's enough time for either of you to bail on it if it gets weird, for whatever reason, closer to the time.
Good luck.
-d-