Help with my game!

[acheilles]

Hey guys,

I'm having some small issues with my game and would love to get some input from anyone that might have experienced this or if you're in similar circumstance. This is kind of a drawn out story so bear with me.



I dated girls all the way until I was 18, when I came out. Discovering boys and coming to terms with it was great! Through most of college I considered myself gay. I mainly hung around gay friends, went to gay bars, etc. I never stopped liking girls but I was too preoccupied with boys. At around age 24 I came to terms with being bi - although normally if people ask me I still I'm gay. I hate getting into arguments over bisexuality with straights OR gays (most of the time), but that's for another discussion.


During my "gay" period I was somewhat flamboyant. Nothing over the top but if you saw me out in public you would probably guess I was gay. But I was never really happy being this way. In fact I was self-conscious about it (let me add that I have no problem with guys that are overly flamboyant – more power to anyone that can truly be him/herself). It just wasn't me. I come from a small town and at that age I guess I assumed being flamboyant was the way gay boys had to behave in order to find other gay boys. At that age most of us are still discovering who we are. Thank God for college!!!


So I've grown up to be a pretty masculine guy and I'm much happier with myself. Don't worry; I'm in no way back in the closet. On the contrary!


Here is my issue. Most of my friends are straight and I mainly hang out at straight bars. I think I've started behaving TOO straight and this is fucking with my game. For example, if there is a hot guy I like at bar I will subconsciously avoid flirting with him or I start out by sending the wrong signals. Signals that falsely say, "I'm straight and not into you." I've caught myself several times doing this. If you send those signals and then start hitting on the guy, you cross into creeper territory. Yeah, not cool… nor sexy.



I get that I'm hanging out at straight bars, but trust me that has never been an issue with meeting and hooking up with guys. This forum if proof of that! I just want to reclaim some of my game; the fun of flirting with other guys (gay and straight) yet maintaining my masculinity. What's the balance? If you’re a straight/curious/bi guy that likes getting attention from bi or gay guys, what's cool and what's creepy? What are some cool and fun ways to hit on a guy at a straight bar/club and ways that aren't?

 

[Lube]

Is your game that you only go after straight/curious/bi guys? Why?

What do you mean by "flirting with guys yet maintaining my masculinity"? Does flirting with guys remove or negate your masculinity somehow?

 

[maxpowr9]

Game implies scoring and scoring implies getting laid. While I do give yourself kudos for wanting to get back on the circuit, this sub-forum in particular is more about 'relationships', than 'how to get laid by many "straight" guys'.

 

[acheilles]

Is your game that you only go after straight/curious/bi guys? Why?

What do you mean by "flirting with guys yet maintaining my masculinity"? Does flirting with guys remove or negate your masculinity somehow?

Lube, It's not that I only go for straight/bi guys. It's that I NORMALLY hang out at straight bars. It's more my scene. Some people are into a bar scene, some people are into a club scene. Mine just happens to be my local neighborhood bars.

I really believe in the Kinsey scale and if I see a guy I like I rather give it a try to flirt with him and he turn me down than not try at all. I'm more or less asking what are some fun ways of flirting with guys and ways that would turn a guy off from the get go. How can I get my foot in the door for either a hook up or a relationship?

Flirting with guys does not negate my masculinity. I am just socialized around straight friends and so over the years I've picked up on the way they behave towards other guys - which is to say they send signals that say "I'm not into guys." Those aren't the signals I want to subconsciously be sending out. The few gay friends I have tend to be on the flamboyant side and I'm just not comfortable being that way. They can flame out at bars and will instantly A) get the guy or B) get rejected. I want to decrease my chances of getting rejected. How do I do this? Hold a glance longer (maybe), be overly touchy with him (maybe not)?

 

[Echoes]

Getting rejected or not is not something you can control mate, I'm sorry about that. However, if you don't want to send the wrong signals then just don't do it. If you hang out with straight guys it's a rather clear signal you may be straight, I don't say you shouldn't hang out with them but when you're in the mood of flirting just do what you used to do when you were on the "flamboyant side." Eye contact, smiles, nodding, etc. even if you are with them. Being masculine doesn't mean you can't flirt with guys.
Being touchy may make some people feel either comfortable or uncomfortable, it's just chance and there's nothing you can do about it really. People are just different

 

[TX-Beau]

I get that I'm hanging out at straight bars, but trust me that has never been an issue with meeting and hooking up with guys. This forum if proof of that! I just want to reclaim some of my game; the fun of flirting with other guys (gay and straight) yet maintaining my masculinity. What's the balance? If you’re a straight/curious/bi guy that likes getting attention from bi or gay guys, what's cool and what's creepy? What are some cool and fun ways to hit on a guy at a straight bar/club and ways that aren't?

Well, if you're having no problem hooking up with guys in straight bars, I don't see your issue.

The above is not consistent, if you're hooking up with all these guys, then you have no problem with your "game," if you've lost your game, then you're not hooking up.

Which is it?

 

[Lube]

Well, to answer the question simply and directly, sure, holding a glance is probably the single easiest way to tell if a guy is gay. Or, at least, that's the easiest way to tell if he's "gay on the inside". Whether he's willing to act on that is a whole other issue.

Of course, these games aren't necessary. Even if you do identify better with your straight friends than your gay friends (I won't even go there), there's no reason you can't be an out gay man at a straight bar. It's not like straight people hide their straightness when they go in gay bars, right?

But it seems like you just like "the game".