Here's my dilema

[coolfactor79]

I'm more attracted to girls than I am guys. I can get hard off both, but it can take me longer for the most part with guys, whereas girls its rather quickly.

From an emotinoal side of things I cannot really get those deep feelings for a guy that I can with a girl. If anything my connection with women goes deeper than just wanting sex.

I have a friend I've known for 10-years now. We don't live near each other so we only really chat online, but like I said I've known him for like 10-years. We have had plenty of sexually charged chats and we've exchange pictures of our dicks and all that.

He wants to get together for real and the idea of hooking up in the real world just doesn't really feel right. Something about it just doesn't have that same excitement.

But there are problems though; like I said in the start it takes me longer to get hard when it comes to guys, but his dick gets me hard right away. And I also get rock hard. He's the only guy that gets me as hard as a woman. However, there was this girl I was really into, things didn't go as I hoped, but the thing is from an emotinal side what I felt for her is something I couldn't feel for him.

And to that's a big deal in moving foward. He stated his case to me about a month ago saying once we hooked up I wouldn't wanna go back to women and even when I explained my feelings he said you can always watch girl porn and jerkoff to it.

Now that last part is true, but there is a big difference between doing that and actually being with a woman and I don't think we can substitute one for the other.

Now I understand his feelings and I'll take some of the blame for my part in the whole thing. There were times I started the sexually charged chats.

Sometimes I say to myself after all that's happened maybe I should give it a try since I do sort of feel guilty for leading him on. His dick does get me really hard, but because he gets me hard does that mean I can be happy with him and just as important could I really just give up women?

Any suggestions?

 

[Hot4Latinos]

Tell him exactly what you said here. If he wants more than sex he needs to look elsewhere. That's on him not you.

 

[seven2go]

Tell him straight (snicker) out it's JUST physical.......period.
If he's satisfied with being a friend with benefits........good for both of you.......

 

[coolfactor79]

The problem with friends with benefits does it ever really stay like that? At some point someone usually wants more.

He says no, but based on what he last said to me I don't think that's the case. Like when he said after we have sex I wouldn;t wanna go back to women. I admire his cinfidence though on saying that.

Or when he said I could still jerkoff to girl porn that leads me to believe he would want more than just sex and no strings attached.

The only thing that sort of confuses me on the situation is how turned on I get by him. His dick gets me instantly hard and I don't think I ever got off better than I did with him in our chats.

But like I said I still couldn't feel for him like I did with that girl I brought up where things didn't work out

 

[Jim2011uk]

You need to look at things a little dispationately.

Just try reading through what you've written as if it was written by someone else. You might find some indications towards the answere's you want. (maybe that is why you've posted, for reasuranace)

There is something I can relate too in a way and rings alarm bells:
"saying once we hooked up I wouldn't wanna go back to women and even when I explained my feelings he said you can always watch girl porn and jerkoff to it."

This is no basis for a long term relationship. it will eat away at both of you. This is a very specific 'allowance' if you like, before you get together.

Your friend may have very good intentions but the reality is, in my opinion, this ain't gonna work. You ain't Gay and he ain't gonna like you playin' with girls. And that will happen.

 

[coolfactor79]

I don't know a lot, but I can say I'm not gay. I do like women still and that hasn't changed. Since our online hook ups I haven't started to like women any less. I love them as much as I did before.

But its still quite confusing in regards to how hard I get over him and how well I get off. I don't know if its just the rush and its different because its safe since we aren't actually together. But I never got off like that thinking about a guy. I got off the way I do with women.

The problem also is even though its just online he sees it a bit differently. He doesn't really understand why we can't get together if I enjoy it. Which I understand, but again there is a difference between physical and online at least to me.

And lets say for the hell of it we did get togehter. I wouldn't be able to get with girls. He wouldn't want an open relationship that's why he said I could jerkoff to girl porn.

And to be totally honest I can't see myself just saying ok screw it no more women for me.

But the fact I get so hard and get off so well does sort of confuse me and sometimes I think maybe I should just get with him.

You need to look at things a little dispationately.

Just try reading through what you've written as if it was written by someone else. You might find some indications towards the answere's you want. (maybe that is why you've posted, for reasuranace)

There is something I can relate too in a way and rings alarm bells:
"saying once we hooked up I wouldn't wanna go back to women and even when I explained my feelings he said you can always watch girl porn and jerkoff to it."

This is no basis for a long term relationship. it will eat away at both of you. This is a very specific 'allowance' if you like, before you get together.

Your friend may have very good intentions but the reality is, in my opinion, this ain't gonna work. You ain't Gay and he ain't gonna like you playin' with girls. And that will happen.

 

[januaryguy1979]

Well it seems you're into him. You said he gets you hard. Not only does he get you hard, but you also said you get off really good as well.

My opinion is give it a try. Granted you said you also like women, but you also really like the online sex you have with him. So try it and you still like girls so that can be a problem, but hey that's what the girl porn offer he made was for. May not be the same, but it can be good enough.

 

[januaryguy1979]

Do you think about him a lot sexually? I mean it does seem you are into him sexually. Does the thought of his cock get you turned on? Do you ever jerkoff to the thought of him?

I think a part of you might be scared that you'd like it a lot and you're afraid of the outcome. Maybe you believe his cock could make you not want women.

The whole vibe I'm getting from you is you want to be with him. I'm not saying you're in denial. I believe you do like and still like women.

But you do want him. So again go for it, if you feel the need to be with a women, watch some porn get off on it then go please your man

 

[HorndogPaul]

Wow, this sounds like me. I'm into women for actual meaningful relationships but love to look at men.

My advice in this situation would be let the guy know again how you feel and tell him you will give it a chance but that he must know before hand you can not promise it will work out since you have never been in a committed relationship with another man. If he is willing to understand that this is something new for you and accept it I say try it out. No matter the outcome with him you will find out for sure wether it is truly possible or not for you to have a more meaningful relationship with a man.

 

[coolfactor79]

Wow, this sounds like me. I'm into women for actual meaningful relationships but love to look at men.

My advice in this situation would be let the guy know again how you feel and tell him you will give it a chance but that he must know before hand you can not promise it will work out since you have never been in a committed relationship with another man. If he is willing to understand that this is something new for you and accept it I say try it out. No matter the outcome with him you will find out for sure wether it is truly possible or not for you to have a more meaningful relationship with a man.

I've thought of that, but I do think there will be problems no matter what. Like I said since this started I haven't changed my feelings on women. And he's gonna know that and that could lead to problems. In the back of his head he'd have to wonder.

I can't lie and say I don't like girls anymore and even if I did lie would he really believe me? Doubtful. And like I said I do develop deeper feelings for women than I do guys. And so what happens if say 2 or 3 months into things I meet some girl. Would I really be able to pass it up?

Casual sex I could. That's not my thing at all. So I mean more along the lines of meeting a woman I am attratced to how do I ignore that? And it has nothing to do with being a cheat.

Perhaps I'm over thinking things. But I do know that giving up women would not be this simple thing. If I had deeper feelings for guys I'd be like ok sure I can feel for a guy what I do for a girl so no worries, but seeing as of now I still can't develop those deep feelings can I really pass up women?

 

[coolfactor79]

Do you think about him a lot sexually? I mean it does seem you are into him sexually. Does the thought of his cock get you turned on? Do you ever jerkoff to the thought of him?

I think a part of you might be scared that you'd like it a lot and you're afraid of the outcome. Maybe you believe his cock could make you not want women.

The whole vibe I'm getting from you is you want to be with him. I'm not saying you're in denial. I believe you do like and still like women.

But you do want him. So again go for it, if you feel the need to be with a women, watch some porn get off on it then go please your man

Sure I've thought about him sexually. Yes the thought and sight for that matter of his cock gets me really hard and yea I've jerked off to him many times, but its still just sexual and nothing deeper than that.

I'm not getting much from women these days and actually the closest I do is girl porn lol. I don't think I'm afraid of the outcome. Odds are I probably would like it, but there is more to a relationship than sex. For arguments sake lets say I like having sex with him more than women, what does that really mean if I have deeper feelings for a woman that I can't feel for him?

 

[genthree]

You have to be very careful not to meddle with your friends emotions. You are half way there, in that you get hard for him etc. So I would give it a go, but, remember, if you are not happy about it he will still say that things can come good.
It is the same with us guys a lot of people say one good fuck and we will be converted, well..................
Anyway, give it a go and both of you will have some answers.
Lets know how it goes..........

 

[coolfactor79]

Yeah I'm trying to mess wih his emotions. I have been upfront however in my feelings.

I did mention how I may not be happy in the long run of things and his response was after I feel him inside me that wouldn't be a problem.

But I really don't think its that simple lol. I could give it a try no harm in that, but my fear is what happens if I were to meet a girl. Could things between us really last? I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings ya know?

I mean I think I could be sort of happy. We are friends, but I deep down I don't think I'd be 100% happy.

Anyone else have anything to add? In the end obviusly I'm gonna do what I feel is right, but I would like more people to give the pros and cons to help me make the right choice.

The easy choice is to keep things how they are friends, if we go down that road who knows how things go.

Even though his dick gets me hard what does that really mean? There are women who get me hard, but I don't like them in more than a sexual way.

And if I went for everyone who got me hard. I'd have some bad relationships lol

 

[januaryguy1979]

Sure I've thought about him sexually. Yes the thought and sight for that matter of his cock gets me really hard and yea I've jerked off to him many times, but its still just sexual and nothing deeper than that.

I'm not getting much from women these days and actually the closest I do is girl porn lol. I don't think I'm afraid of the outcome. Odds are I probably would like it, but there is more to a relationship than sex. For arguments sake lets say I like having sex with him more than women, what does that really mean if I have deeper feelings for a woman that I can't feel for him?

I don't see a problem here. He gets you hard, the sight of his dick gets you hard and you've jerked it to him a lot. So I don't see the problem.

Seriously if the sight of his dick gets you hard you have some feelings. Since you say you aren't getting any play from women, there is even less of a problem. Also if you were to like having sex with him more I think that means you would prefer men over women.

Stop making things complicated. His dick gets you hard. You jerkoff to his dick, you posted here for feedback for a reason. Even if you still like women that's fine, but you'll be fine with him.

The fact the sight of his dick gets you hard is proof enough.

 

[coolfactor79]

Not sure if its that simple.

 

[mano]

Two words.........honesty and respect. If you can get those two things placed as a higher priority than physical pleasure then I think y'all can play as much as you want and not worry about it. Too much pressure by one person on the other person to do something they are uncertain about is a recipe for disaster. Voice of experience.

 

[coolfactor79]

I don't think honesty and respect are a problem. What complicates things is the whole friendship. If any possible relationship goes sour odds are the friendship does as well.

I do think it could be a diaster. At first things can be fine, but the thought of never being with a woman again just doesn't feel right.

If lets say for arguments sake I end up giving it a try. The only fear I have is what happens if I were to meet a woman? If I liked her at all I just don't think I can surpress those feelings whereas if I meet a woman I can supress my feelings for him.

Comments here have been mixed and I'm trying to explain both sides of things as well as I can. I just don't wanna make this huge mistake and end up killing the friendship. In reality the only way for things to work perfectly is if we were somewhere we never come across any women

Two words.........honesty and respect. If you can get those two things placed as a higher priority than physical pleasure then I think y'all can play as much as you want and not worry about it. Too much pressure by one person on the other person to do something they are uncertain about is a recipe for disaster. Voice of experience.