He's closeted and now wont hang out

[jayamsterdam]

Hey Everyone,

So i posted on here way back when and asked for advice about a guy I had the hots for.
First off, I am 25.
I had my first sexual encounter when I was 17, and was in the closet and in denial to myself until I was about 21. I finally came out to MYSELF last year, at 24, after meeting a guy on Grindr who took me to San Francisco's Castro district and showed me how fun the "gay" world can be.
Well --- now I am out to a few people and more comfortable with myself.
I moved to my current town to attend the University here. I met a cute guy at my internship and he gave me the vibes that he may be gay. Well, I finally got the courage, after hanging out with him every weekend, to tell him that I thought he was cute and that I was not straight. He claimed to be str8, so I let it be.
Fast forward to this January - we went out for drinks and he had to crash at my house. Once we got here, I was so drunk I couldn't get into my pajama's, so he started to undress me. He got me down to my boxer shorts and thats when I decided to lean in and kiss him on the cheek. He let me, so I did it again. He was smiling, so I did it one more time.
Later on, he went to my living room to lie on the couch, but I called his name. He came into my room and told me I needed to shut up (playfully) and go to sleep. Well, I didn't, and kept calling his name and telling him how hot he was (I was drunk). Regardless, he finally said, "Do you want me stroke you?" I couldn't believe my ears. The guy I've had the hots for wanted to stroke my dick! So yes, I let him stroke me and he started sucking me off.

A few minutes into it, he freaked out and told me to turn on the light. He immediately started freaking out some more and told me he KNEW something like this would happen, that he was gay, but hadn't told anyone EVER, and that the last time he gave a guy head was when he was 12 years old. Obviously, he was unprepared for such an experience and didn't want anyone to know.
I promised him I wouldn't say, and I've kept my promise since.

There was awkward tension between us for the last five weeks, and this week the tension finally went away.
HOWEVER, he has stopped hanging out with me and instead hangs out with two girls all the time -- it used to be that I would get invited to go along and that we'd go out or have dinner at my house every weekend. Now, I'm the outcast.

I'm just wondering what the deal is. I had a friend of mine whom I met on craigslist and gave a blow job to when I was in the closet, and when I'd see him around school I would ignore him because I didn't want to be associated with a gay guy. I didn't talk to him for three years, and now since moving back last year, I hit him back up and suddenly we are best friends, only because I am more comfortable with myself.

So did I fuck up a friendship by allowing someone to blow me?

 

[hotatlboi]

It's in his court really. Seems he's not out to himself yet even, if he is gay or bi. Just give him space for now and if all you want is too be friends again let him know that after a little cooling off period.

 

[Rolyo85]

Ok, I'm seriously sick of you. I am sending all of what I found out about you to the moderators, and I hope you get banned from this forum. What's more, I am fairly certain you are the same person who posts here as goodbadenergy. There is an easy way to check that, and I'll make sure it's checked.

To the rest of the users here:

DO NOT ANSWER THIS GUY! HE HAS BEEN POSTING THIS SAME TOPIC SINCE 2010!



Coming Out & Liking Him:

It just dawned on me that this man may not even be out! I find him extremely masculine, did not have a clue he was gay, had to have someone else who ran into him at a gay bar tell me. And then here I am, like an idiot, fairly masculine myself, emailing him. No wonder he gave me a dirty look!
I saw him today, accidentally ran into him, and he actually was himself and said hello to me. So I will just count him out as a loss for now and only talk to him if he initiates a conversation. At the moment, I have to consider this a lost cause, but will still enjoy my m

Boy I like...who may like me?:

Thank you all for your advice months ago.
Just an update: I been his friend now since August and I take every opportunity I have to flirt with him. I can tell he likes it because he laughs and blushes half of the time. We have been hanging out a lot, too, but again, most of the time it is with "supervision" i.e.: a friend of his is with him.
This past Thursday, I invited him out to the bars with some friends, and he agreed to meet at my house prior to going out. We went to our downtown area and had A LOT to drink.
Afterward, we split apart from my friends and since his car was parked at my house and he was pretty intoxicated, he wanted to stay on my couch. We got inside, I heated up some pizza (or rather, he did because I was too drunk...I just guided him to it in the fridge), and we chatted for a bit. He said, "You look tired, you should go to bed!" at which point I agreed. I was still drunk and stumbling.
When we got to my bedroom, he started undoing my pants and taking my shirt off, and put my pajama's on for me. I stood up and he started guiding me toward my bed when I just went for it and kissed him on the cheek.
He laughed and I laid down. He went to plug in my phone, which sits next to my head near my bed, and I leaned over and kissed him again. I asked him if it bothered him and he said no.
I then asked if he'd lay in bed with me and cuddle, but he declined, stating he'd go lay on the couch. He moved to the couch in my living room and left me alone in the bedroom. I was slowly starting to detoxify from my alcoholic binge, and called out his name several times, until he finally returned to my room.
He suggested I jack off so I would shut up and fall asleep and I told him I didn't want to, that I wanted to cuddle with him. Finally, he says to me, "Do you want me to stroke you?" and I of course said, "Uhm...if you want to, I don't know!" Well, long and behold, he came over to my bed and started jacking me off, eventually my penis in his mouth.
He did this for several minutes until he stopped. He was freaking out! Turns out, my intuition was right - he is a bi/gay man still deep in the closet, and just realized what he was doing. Inexperienced, and all.
He kept saying, "I don't know what I'm doing...I knew something like this would happen, OMG, I can't believe I did that! I feel weird!" We spent about an hour after that just chatting, and he just kept saying things would be awkward now.
Now I'm not sure what to do. He hasn't been responsive via text or facebook, and has been posting cryptic statuses like, "Discovering new things is never bad....Life is for learning!" and I'm going, "Uhm ok...?"

SO...should I just stay away from him for a while? Does he need "space" to think about this? I know the first time I sucked a dick, I was stunned and didn't feel "right" for like four days - didn't talk to the guy for a whole week until I realized everything was ok.
I dunno what to do with him. I want him, I like him, I could see myself dating him, but I have no idea if he's running away.

So confused..."I'm not attracted to you..." :

Hi Everyone, I had posted on here a few times in relation to the same boy and well, I am just devastated right now.
Met a great guy back in August at my internship. We hit it off really well, he seemed very flirtatious and I was flirting back with him. I had an inkling that he was gay and heard from others that he was so about six weeks after meeting him, I dropped the bomb on him and told him. I also told him I was attracted to him. He thanked me, was excited that I came out to him, but said he was straight. I was a bit stunned because a bunch of his friends said otherwise. After getting to know him, I realized how deep in the closet he was and in denial of himself, including the religious element of being hardcore Catholic.
Anywho, we kept bonding and I would always flirt with him and throw compliments/teases his way, and he'd just smile and blush. He then turned 21 (I'm 25) and we decided to go out to the bars last week.
When we were stumbling back to my house (he was crashing on my couch), I needed help getting undressed - or actually, I didn't need it, he offered it to me. He pulled off my shirt and looked at my body - I then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He just smiled and started pulling off my pants, and I was bulging at this point. After a few seconds, he put on my pajama pants for me and I asked him to plug in my cell phone. He threw me on the bed and bent over to plug in my phone, and I leaned over and kissed him again. I asked him if he was bothered by this and he said "No." He proceeded to the living room to lay on my couch, and I, in my drunken state, kept calling him back to my room. Finally he came in and said, "You need to go to sleep or I will stroke you! Do you want me to stroke you?" Of course, I've been into this guy for months and thought to myself, "He's finally coming out to me!" and I said "Yeah!"
Well he started stroking my dick, and suddenly put it in his mouth. He was giving me oral for a hot four or five minutes, while slowly stroking my rock hard cock.
I tried sitting up to kiss him and stroke his dick, but he wouldn't let me.
Finally, he started freaking out and stopped.
We turned on the light and began talking. He confided in me that he was either gay or bi, not sure, and hadn't done anything with a guy since he was 12. He was uncomfortable with what happened, and didn't want anyone to know. I assured him I wouldn't tell anyone and that its okay to feel uncomfortable and that if he wanted to explore more, he had the perfect guy right here! I suggested he not explore through craigslist but rather with people he could trust. He kept saying, "OMG, I knew something like this would happen if I came over!" as if he had imagined it.

He left the next morning very uncomfortable (I don't blame him, I was the same after my first time).

We didn't talk for a few days. Finally we chatted the other day and he wanted to "clarify" some things. When we did talk, he said the situation at hand was very uncomfortable and that he was not attracted to me sexually or physically. He also mentioned that he is not at all comfortable with his sexually. I told him I wasn't looking to date unless thats something that came up, and that I was okay with anything he wanted to do.

I just don't understand why he did what he did to me, then?! Why suck off a guy you know that likes you when you're not attracted to him?!

Is he just so shocked and confused about his sexuality that he is stunned at what happened and denying being attracted to me?

I was fairly certain he was attracted to me because he a.) always blushes when I flirt with him b.) his demeanor changes to overly positive when he's around me and c.) he SUCKED MY DICK, FOR GODS SAKE!

I'm so lost and confused. And hurt. I feel like I was taken advantage of and I don't know if I am wrong in feeling this way. Sorry for the length of my post.

It's all the same topic, with some changed wording here and there. Since 2010. Seriously, this is sickening...

 

[jayamsterdam]

Ok, I'm seriously sick of you. I am sending all of what I found out about you to the moderators, and I hope you get banned from this forum. What's more, I am fairly certain you are the same person who posts here as goodbadenergy. There is an easy way to check that, and I'll make sure it's checked.

To the rest of the users here:

DO NOT ANSWER THIS GUY! HE HAS BEEN POSTING THIS SAME TOPIC SINCE 2010!



Coming Out & Liking Him:


Boy I like...who may like me?:




So confused..."I'm not attracted to you..." :







It's all the same topic, with some changed wording here and there. Since 2010. Seriously, this is sickening...

DUDE, wtf is your problem?
LOL.
UHHHH...I'm jayamsterdam, no one else. And I'm asking for advice from DIFFERENT perspectives, and there has been an update. It really isn't any of your business, if you don't like it, move on to a different post

 

[jayamsterdam]

"It's all the same topic, with some changed wording here and there. Since 2010. Seriously, this is sickening..."



FACTUALLY INACCURATE, AS I HAVE ONLY BEEN A MEMBER OF THIS SITE SINCE 2011.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Ok, I'm seriously sick of you. I am sending all of what I found out about you to the moderators, and I hope you get banned from this forum. What's more, I am fairly certain you are the same person who posts here as goodbadenergy. There is an easy way to check that, and I'll make sure it's checked.

To the rest of the users here:

DO NOT ANSWER THIS GUY! HE HAS BEEN POSTING THIS SAME TOPIC SINCE 2010!



Coming Out & Liking Him:




Boy I like...who may like me?:




So confused..."I'm not attracted to you..." :







It's all the same topic, with some changed wording here and there. Since 2010. Seriously, this is sickening...

Yeah I have to agree. While reading I was struck with n eerie sense of "Haven't I read this before"

 

[Rolyo85]

"It's all the same topic, with some changed wording here and there. Since 2010. Seriously, this is sickening..."


FACTUALLY INACCURATE, AS I HAVE ONLY BEEN A MEMBER OF THIS SITE SINCE 2011.

Says here 2010. Factually accurate.

 

[techie70]

RolyO - I am a little confused. In the sense I am not sure I see the harm in how long and how often Jay may be asking the same question(s). You give great honest advice IMO so please read this as I'm just trying to understand your POV on the poster asking the same basic question a few times since Oct 2010 - not criticizing you. Is it harming anyone and is this the proper way to address it is all I'm asking.

I've been in some unhealthy situations at the age range Jay is at and repeated pretty illogical behavior and asked over and over again what to do about it and been unable to see the error of my ways.

So to Jay I guess I'd say, with your best interest at heart, how many times do you really want to put yourself through this? Based on the assumption that you are really posting updates to an ongoing situation you're dealing with, what is it about this one guy that has you so fixated? You describe yourself as having gone through a similar situation of being closeted and needing to come to terms with things on your own terms. So if it were me I'd either be willing to wait and put up with it or recognize he needs to go through this in his own time and move on. It just seems like this one guy is holding you back from really becoming comfortable with yourself.

Did you mess up a friendship - no. He made a choice to do what he did. He's having a hard time accepting his choice.I've been in situations where I regretted my actions and my immediate response was to avoid the other person involved. So much so that I would completely change my route to work to avoid running into the other person. Being confronted with who you are when family/religion say you can't be that can really mess with you.

I'd try to understand why this one person has such an affect on you, especially as you are becoming more comfortable with being open with who you are.

Best of luck!

 

[Rolyo85]

I don't mind people making the same mistakes, and being in similar situations.

This is not similar. It is THE SAME story. With the same closeted guy, the same drunk scene with the same blowjob which the guy has always not done since he was 12.

If you keep posting the same thing for two years, presenting it as a new story, I say something is not right here.