topherlover555
On the Prowl
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- May 12, 2007
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So i've came out to a few of my friends this year. It all started when i fell for my friend. I always thought he was cute and always thought he was gay, but eventually, it was just killing me to not be able to tell anyone about my issues. So i told two of my best friends i was gay. They were really accepting of it and i also told them that i had a crush on this guy, who they knew but not really, and they were kind of schocked. Still supportive about it though.
So then, i told one of his best friends, who we are both really close to. And she was extremely surprised that i liked him, because she's been his friend since God knows when and i thought maybe he had come out to her. That wasn't the case, and she was so happy and really didn't care about either two facts but supported me in thinking he was gay. She says every time she asked he would just get mad and change subject.
Afterwards, my emotions ran wild, and it was nearing the end of the year and my work load was getting heavier and i really couldn't focus. I had this weight on my shoulder that i could never get off, so i decided i'd have to tell him in order for myself to be at peace. When i asked my three friends for support, they said to just come out to him, not to tell him i liked him.
So i did. One morning, i told him on the computer (i know dumb move!) and he didn't respond for a good 3 minutes, but when he did, he said he was perfectly fine with it, and had to go.
Later that day, from his best friend, i found out he was making a big deal out of it to her and she just said to give it up and stop trying and he got very defensive.
So i was let down, and the next few days were semi-awkward around her.
Eventually, i told a lot more ppl, about 15 know now, but they're all sworn to secrecy. I feel really comfortable with myself, but i'm unsure as to why he wouldn't confide in me if he was gay too.
I've become good friends with his cousin and us two have so much in common. And she couldn't be happier that i like him. She also thinks he's gay, so now i've pretty much got everyone telling me he's gay, but him.
This month and last, i've become really close to him and his cousin, and we see each other at least once every two weeks. He sometimes tries to prove he's straight in front of us, but when other people aren't around..he seems to let his guard down more.
Some days we think we get to him, some days we fail miserably.
Lately though, when we talk over MSN or in general, i feel this deep tension, and its like he wants to talk to me about me being gay but he's scared, and it's like i want to ask him if he's gay but i'm scared he'll get mad.
On top of all that. He's the only guy i told, so i have no gay friends that i know of who are close enough to confide in, so its like i'm all alone with a lot of support from girls.
The funny thing is, he knows all the close people around me know i'm gay. So i think, "he must see that as a good thing that all his friends/cousin are okay with people that are gay" but there's still so many times he tries. Its actualy laughable too. And i feel really bad for him.
I don't want to rush him into coming out. But what if he's not gay? and i've fallen in love with someone i can't have? What if he is gay and thinks i like him and that scares him? What am i supposed to do? I really needed to confide in other people who have been here.
I know i'm supposed to wait for him to be ready, but my heart hurts, and its becoming increasingly horrible. I don't even think about other guys anymore. It's like i've got my eyes on the prize and theres nothing else i can be satisfied with. And every day i wake up and my stomach turns with the wonderment of all the things he says and does and whether i'm reading him right.
Even if he doesn't like me, i still wonder if he's gay. And if he's not, i will be heartbroken, but i will still love the fact that he accepts me.
WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!
So then, i told one of his best friends, who we are both really close to. And she was extremely surprised that i liked him, because she's been his friend since God knows when and i thought maybe he had come out to her. That wasn't the case, and she was so happy and really didn't care about either two facts but supported me in thinking he was gay. She says every time she asked he would just get mad and change subject.
Afterwards, my emotions ran wild, and it was nearing the end of the year and my work load was getting heavier and i really couldn't focus. I had this weight on my shoulder that i could never get off, so i decided i'd have to tell him in order for myself to be at peace. When i asked my three friends for support, they said to just come out to him, not to tell him i liked him.
So i did. One morning, i told him on the computer (i know dumb move!) and he didn't respond for a good 3 minutes, but when he did, he said he was perfectly fine with it, and had to go.
Later that day, from his best friend, i found out he was making a big deal out of it to her and she just said to give it up and stop trying and he got very defensive.
So i was let down, and the next few days were semi-awkward around her.
Eventually, i told a lot more ppl, about 15 know now, but they're all sworn to secrecy. I feel really comfortable with myself, but i'm unsure as to why he wouldn't confide in me if he was gay too.
I've become good friends with his cousin and us two have so much in common. And she couldn't be happier that i like him. She also thinks he's gay, so now i've pretty much got everyone telling me he's gay, but him.
This month and last, i've become really close to him and his cousin, and we see each other at least once every two weeks. He sometimes tries to prove he's straight in front of us, but when other people aren't around..he seems to let his guard down more.
Some days we think we get to him, some days we fail miserably.
Lately though, when we talk over MSN or in general, i feel this deep tension, and its like he wants to talk to me about me being gay but he's scared, and it's like i want to ask him if he's gay but i'm scared he'll get mad.
On top of all that. He's the only guy i told, so i have no gay friends that i know of who are close enough to confide in, so its like i'm all alone with a lot of support from girls.
The funny thing is, he knows all the close people around me know i'm gay. So i think, "he must see that as a good thing that all his friends/cousin are okay with people that are gay" but there's still so many times he tries. Its actualy laughable too. And i feel really bad for him.
I don't want to rush him into coming out. But what if he's not gay? and i've fallen in love with someone i can't have? What if he is gay and thinks i like him and that scares him? What am i supposed to do? I really needed to confide in other people who have been here.
I know i'm supposed to wait for him to be ready, but my heart hurts, and its becoming increasingly horrible. I don't even think about other guys anymore. It's like i've got my eyes on the prize and theres nothing else i can be satisfied with. And every day i wake up and my stomach turns with the wonderment of all the things he says and does and whether i'm reading him right.
Even if he doesn't like me, i still wonder if he's gay. And if he's not, i will be heartbroken, but i will still love the fact that he accepts me.
WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP ME!
