He's oblivious, should I tell him how I feel?

[MMMonsterBoy]

So early last month I started talking to this guy I met through an online service. We go to the same university..and that's not all we have in common. We connected pretty quickly, and he asked me out to dinner and I accepted. So we go to this amazing eatery and then go see a play. Great night! He even said so. After that we continued with our amazing chemistry and he admitted to liking me.

We get together for a second time and it all goes well, at least to my understanding. After our second outing things were never really the same. We did not get sexual (I didn't make any advances, though I could tell he wanted me to), so does he think I'm not interested in him? I was just enjoying the fact that for the first time I had met a guy who I was interested in and we have a friendship outside of sex. That's never happened beforem and I liked it. Before the evening began we started talking about his New Year's party and how it would be great if I could come, but I would be on break so I couldn't. Anyhow, he has showed lack of interest in a way. We still talk basically every day, but I'm pretty sure if I died he wouldn't notice.

He's been hinting at how he's been hurt a lot, and that has made it possible for him not really wanting to feel that way again. He doesn't think anyone likes him either. What gets me, however, is when he flaunts how he likes his straight friend in my face. One time I tried to change the subject, but he found a way to brag about how he made out (I guess) with his drunken straight friend. Ever since it has been nothing but love for this guy! Should I tell him that I like him in a more than friends way? I'm not asking him to date me just yet, I just want him to know how I feel. If he doesn't feel the same way then okay I'll move on. I feel like I've fallen for my straight friend all over again I feel like my lack of displaying sexual advances makes him think I don't want him that way, but I just wanted to know if we could hold a bond without sex since most guys end up wanting just that and only that from me...

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, maybe you should make a move on him. If he mentions his straight friend again, say "Wouldn't you rather go for a guy who actually is interested in you, and who you actually have a shot at having something happen?"

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

Beat me to it.

Ya know, sometimes silence is not golden.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Make a move!

 

[KaraBulut]

In addition to singing with chorus above, I would add that if someone is hinting at things in their past, just stop them and ask them what they're looking for now. Don't let this BS about past relationships give you mixed signals.

And then talk about what you're looking for.

The worst that can happen is that you both find out you're looking for different things.... and you decided to just keep it as a friendship.

Life's too short really. Just talk to him.

 

[rareboy]

I didn't make any advances, though I could tell he wanted me to)

Well if he wanted you to and you want to, then what in heaven's name is stopping you? What was stopping him?

Even on the first date it is okay to kiss. Or fuck like minks if the spirit moves you.

Obviously he doesn't think there's a connection.

Paralysis. That is what everyone is coming to. So afraid of being hurt that no one will risk anything.

It isn't a good way to live.

Hurt is part of it. Joy makes up for it.

 

[Lube]

He thinks you're not interested in anything beyond friendship, because you haven't take it to anything beyond friendship.

What, exactly, are you withholding?

If all he wants is sex, you'll find out soon enough after having sex with him. If he wants more than that, then, boom, you've got a relationship. Having sex (or not having sex) doesn't change that.

Withholding sex doesn't make you special.

 

[spencer]

Here's the thing, those who just posted above me. How do you tell a guy you like him and you want more, you just don't want to date him yet?

Look at it this way. He took you on a date. A good one, dinner and a play. You didn't even suggest a 2nd date. So yeah, of course he's gonna back down. Whatever happened to the, I had a great time, let's plan another one deal.

If you like him, ask him out, go on dates. Be affectionate. See where it goes.

 

[KaraBulut]

Here's the thing, those who just posted above me. How do you tell a guy you like him and you want more, you just don't want to date him yet?

You start by asking him what he's looking for and what is important to him.

Then you share your own likes/dislikes/wish list.

If there's compatability, you just say, "I enjoy your company and I'd like to spend more time with you and see where it goes.". And in those moments where everyone is waiting for the other person to make the move, you smile and say, "So... are you gonna kiss me, or not?".

If there's not compatability, you just say, "We have a lot in common and we really seem to enjoy each other's company but it seems like we're going more in the direction of a friendship and not a romantic thing."