He's too young for me!

[dhchitown1984]

Pre-story detail... I'm 26.

OK, so I was out at the bar a few weeks ago.... probably about six weeks ago, and met this guy. Really really nice, very friendly, said he was "new to the city" and yadda yadda yadda. Casual make out, little touchy-feely, but nothing too extreme.

We exchange numbers, were texting back and forth, the casual "whats up." I suggested we go back out and he had reasons why he couldn't which was fine, and he suggested we go out to eat one night. AWESOME! He's cute, he wants to hang out again, and it's away from a bar, so cool!

I order a drink at dinner, he politely declines, and as the conversation continues, I brought up a previous comment that he made, where he said he couldn't wait to finish his Masters degree. That's when this story goes down hill.... he started to say how he is going to get his Masters degree.... after his completes his undergrad.... and I'm thinking, "OK, don't freak out." He then goes on to say he's only 18 and is a Freshmen in college! He said he knew he looked older than his age, and acknowledged using a fake ID to get into the bar that night.

The kid is truly great, really sweet and cute, and all that good stuff. But I'm 26. He wasn't alive when The Little Mermaid or Aladdin were released in theaters. I made out with a kid who, if things had gone further, probably wouldn't know where the song "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal came from if it came up on my sex music playlist.

He kept pushing to hang out again, and I felt VERY uncomfortable.... and I explained that too him. I had said that the fact that he can't legally go to a bar with me, is a bit of a dealbreaker... I don't think anyone would disagree that the lives of an 18 year old college Freshmen and a 26 year old with a professional career.

Anyways, he's still texting, and has even asked me to be his liquor guy for his college friends. I've declined, I've said No to meeting up again, but I just can't figure out how to shake this kid.... he keeps insisting that seeing me "won't be that big of a deal" and that "he really thinks it could work." I'm just not used to THIS being the reason why I'm not interested in someone.... He's 18, and he's acknowledged he's new to the dating scene, so I don't want to be rude and just start ignoring him, I don't want to leave him with a bad impression when it comes to dating guys. anyone else been in this situation where you know the best words to use?

 

[latitude]

You are totally right. There is a huge difference in the lives and mindsets of a person 26 and a guy who is 18. That's not to say it couldn't work, and if you feel something really special you could try taking it further, but it would be understandable (and likely) if you ended it here.

Eight years of separation is a pretty big deal, but it's even more of a hurdle because there are so many milestones between you (college, career, etc). I would explain to him again that you don't think you're the right person for him. Keep in mind that depending on how new he is to the whole dating thing, he might be making more of your relationship than there really is, just because you're one of the first guys he's been with.

Personally, I think age is always a question. I'm 23 and getting involved with someone who's 20, and I thought a lot about the both of us before doing anything, because there really are maturity differences and differences in our expectations from things, even though it's only 3 years. For you, those differences are probably even greater.

Again, you might be able to work past them (I very happily decided 3 years wasn't a dealbreaker for me but from where I'm sitting 18-26 looks pretty tough.

 

[Paws]

probably wouldn't know where the song "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal came from if it came up on my sex music playlist.

I wonder how a 26 year old guy knows that song...

And eight years difference is pussy in relationships between gays. Ok, in Europe you can drink at age 16/18, so it's more of a legal problem than a moral one.

 

[KaraBulut]

The fact that he's 18 and you're 26 doesn't necessarily mean the relationship won't work.

The fact that he's hanging out in bars with a fake ID, asking you to buy him liquor, tacitly lied about his age, never dated before and generally acting like a college freshman is more the indicator of where he's at maturity-wise. And that's a deal-killer.

There's no easy way to do this but better to do it now than before you both dig the hole deeper. Just say, "We're in very different places in our life at the moment. You would be better off dating another guy who was in college and had more in common with you. We can be friends but we can't be more than that."

 

[QuinnRider]

honestly, I think you are being kind of judgmental in a way, just because he is 18 doesn't mean he is any less mature than you, and doesn't want what you want. You could really be shutting the door to something great. You thought he was cute, funny, this and that, were excited to date him before you found out he was 18, the only thing that really changed is your perception of him. Now, what I would say is bad is that he wants you to be his booze man, lol, thats pretty immature, but before that came to be known, I think you were being a little harsh. I am 19 and pretty much only attracted to guys older than me, not by alot but generally, and I am a mature person with mature ambitions, then again I wouldn't be in a bar with a fake ID so that probably weeds out some guys hahaha idk. Just mho!!

 

[aijalon18]

It is so refreshing to see someone who has the good sense to think with their brain. It gets kinda depressing to see all these guys much older than you constantly lusting after 18 and 19 year olds simply b/c theyre legal.

 

[NineOfClubs]

It's you and how you feel.

Personally, I think you're making a mistake. At the young age you both are, a few years is almost nothing.

But you seem to have set up a roadblock, so bypass this "hazard" and get on with your life--is my advice.

 

[turnandburn]

Well he's 18 of course he's going to be a little immature. What 18 year old do you know that isn't in some ways. if that its what's breaking the deal then I would say yes its probably time to move on. At his age there isn't going to be a way to change him from wanting to drink and have fun. Her just moved out of his parents house starting college and doesn't know how to handle all this new found freedom. I know this because i was in his exact same position 2 years ago.

 

[Seasoned]

Sometimes I'm jaded and cynical. Let's suppose he's not as innocent as he seems and this is more about the alcohol than it is about romance. Just wondering.

 

[BearMagus]

Dude, it's only 8 years and your just enjoying company not getting married. If you get some dick on the side, he's a legal consenting adult.

I don't understand the part about the Kiss and A Rose by Seal and I am in my forties. It's kinda of like saying you won't enjoy being with someone because they don't remember rotary phones and typewriters.

 

[altlover85]

Sometimes I'm jaded and cynical. Let's suppose he's not as innocent as he seems and this is more about the alcohol than it is about romance. Just wondering.

The whole booze thing is the biggest issue for me even though I can understand why the 18 year old guy did that. I asked my ex who was 42 at the time to buy me booze. He said no and it bothered me, but I didn't harass him about it. He wasn't comfortable with me drinking around him so I didn't.

What I would be concerned about is that he wasn't upfront about being in college at first and asked you the booze question. When I was 18 I found no reason to skirt around that fact.

It seems you've made your mind up about this and made a perfectly reasonable decision. However, if something someone wrote here changes your mind I would ask him why he decided to not be upfront about his age and I would let him know you didn't appreciate the booze man question and that if you two are going to be together you aren't going to be his booze man.

I don't understand the part about the Kiss and A Rose by Seal and I am in my forties. It's kinda of like saying you won't enjoy being with someone because they don't remember rotary phones and typewriters.

I'm 25 and I totally get where the OP is coming from. However I wouldn't assume he doesn't know about Kiss From A Rose or Little Mermaid or Aladdin. If he knew you were 26 and was still interested I don't think he cares too much about not getting references and he may even be interested in things that were happening around the time of his birth.

I enjoyed Back To The Future, Star Wars, Robin Hood (Disney movie), Borderline (Madonna song), Lucky Star (Madonna song), and Holiday (Madonna song) even though they were all released before I was born. I would assume you are similar and enjoyed things made before you were born.

 

[hopnung]

I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 19...

I was a little concerned about the age difference, too, but based on my boyfriend's maturity level, things are working out great. It really all depends on how mature he is. The fact that he has a desire to A) finish college and then B) obtain a Master's degree should be proof that he had goals in his life more than just getting drunk, having sex and playing video games...

Give it a try... you really have nothing to lose...

 

[HornyHenry]

A wide age difference is OK(as long as both are over eighteen years old) for a one-night stand or a sex only relationship for a while but from experience I learned it's not advisable for a multi-decade "marriage". A 5 to 10 years spread would be the max for a really LTR.

 

[mbamike]

The difference in your ages is only a big deal because you are making it so. I am 13 years older than my guy.

I agree that supplying his college friends with alcohol is a big NO NO! You could wind up in jail over this issue.

 

[turnandburn]

Well he's 18 of course he's going to be a little immature. What 18 year old do you know that isn't in some ways. if that its what's breaking the deal then I would say yes its probably time to move on. At his age there isn't going to be a way to change him from wanting to drink and have fun. Her just moved out of his parents house starting college and doesn't know how to handle all this new found freedom. I know this because i was in his exact same position 2 years ago.

 

[altlover85]

Well he's 18 of course he's going to be a little immature. What 18 year old do you know that isn't in some ways. if that its what's breaking the deal then I would say yes its probably time to move on. At his age there isn't going to be a way to change him from wanting to drink and have fun. Her just moved out of his parents house starting college and doesn't know how to handle all this new found freedom. I know this because i was in his exact same position 2 years ago.

Why did you post the same thing twice?

 

[anchihiro]

You have a sex music playlist???
How very Glen Quagmire.

I think this one is really subjective because there are many many 18 year olds who just arent ready for a relationship, because they've just come sprinting out the closet and want to experience things. Maybe his hormones will be too much and he'll cheat. And maybe he can't name the mutant ninja turtles.
Or...he could just be awesome, mature, ready, and could make you feel things that 26 year olds cannot.

 

[youngnihilist]

Hahaha. There are guys twice your age (like 52) who would be salivating over the chance to "date" an 18 year old. So, props to you for being mature and thinking about it. I agree that 26 and 18 are in very different stages of life. However, you are close enough in age where I think it could work, you are of the same generation at least. Rather than dismiss him for his age why not see where it goes? It's not like a 52 year old and 18 year old where I roll my eyes because it's not compatible.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Thanks for the advice, all.

And I'm definitely not opposed to relationships with guys older/younger than myself, but it's the immaturity level of this ONE individual (the fact that I was liking who I THOUGHT he was) that made it the deal breaker. Had he presented himself more honestly from day one, then who knows what could have happened, just have to go with my gut for this particular situation.

 

[altlover85]

Thanks for the advice, all.

And I'm definitely not opposed to relationships with guys older/younger than myself, but it's the immaturity level of this ONE individual (the fact that I was liking who I THOUGHT he was) that made it the deal breaker. Had he presented himself more honestly from day one, then who knows what could have happened, just have to go with my gut for this particular situation.

I think that's totally understandable. I would have had some reservations too. Although I don't date guys that are under 21 because I don't want to have to deal with fake ID drama.