Hey boys, need your opinions here!

[soldierofglory]

Hey there,

First of all, wishing you boys a happy new year 2008! Hope this year will be better!

Okay, I need your opinions about my erm... sexuality.

I'm already almost 22 this year and I have almost none (or little) attraction towards the opposite sex. The only thing I like about girls is speaking and chatting with them. Other than that, I have almost zero attraction towards them. I tried mixing around with girls, but all I ended up is just having a wonderful chat, or a small smile. I'm pretty comfortable with the male group as a whole. When I entered engineering in my college, my liking towards men are amplified - seriously, because the whole faculty is 90% men.

One of the days when my group of male friends are sitting together in the cafeteria, chatting away useless banters and politics, they suddenly seen a female student, having the nicest curves, walking past them, and including me. Their eyes moved towards the woman, and making whistles and gestures, but I accidently blurted out "uhh... like that??" (don't ask me why probably it was some weird reflex action) and my eyes are looking elsewhere (i'm not pretty intersted in women). I could have given them hints about my lack of interest in woman and next time they could be ostracising me instead.

Also, I should admit there are many hot men around in my college too... sometimes I couldn't stare at them too much, because I afraid I really could get a serious hard-on. (or I could get hard-ons ALL day long if I ever dream about them a little bit in my college. I saved up all my imaginations and dreams back home so that I can at least concentrate on my studies.) The small glimpse is enough for the rest of my day. Recently I got a crush on my friend who is straight, but I just can't tell him that I got a crush because I afraid I might ruin the friendship. on top of that, I got a crush on a male blogger (ah... he's famous ALL over the malaysia) and I have the best kind of fantasies about him. I'm picky about the type of men that I like, and sometimes I even like it slightly 'imperfect'. (like half-muscular, half-chubby).

Now my parents are worried about me because first of all, I don't have a girlfriend at this kind of age, and it's particularly worrying to them. If they know I'm homosexual, I'll be good as dead - my parents could kill me for this. and i worried the most if they ever hook me up to some sort of weird dating service!!

What do you guys think?

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Given what you've said, I'd say you're almost certainly gay rather than bisexual. Gays don't dislike women - they just have no interest in them sexually. I've certainly got plenty of female friends, and I think they're all great. Just don't want to hop into bed with any of them. Also, it's common to have "types" of men that you're attracted to - both typical and atypical.

As for what to do about it, that's a bit tougher, due to some lack of information. I'm assuming you're in Malaysia, and I know nothing about the general attitudes towards homosexuality there. If your parents are currently in charge of paying for your education, I'd definitely hold off on telling them anything. Once you're out of school, and financially independent, then they won't have as much "sway" over the decisions you make. If they express concern that you're not currently dating, reassure them with a half-truth - you're trying to stay focused on your studies. They don't have to know that it's guys, rather than women, that you're passing up.

Tell your friends? You'll have to make that decision. My theory is that if they're REALLY friends - true, honest, death-til-we-part friends - then they can handle the truth. I would try to distance yourself from the friend that you've got a crush on. It's tough enough being in the closet without crushing on straight guys, let alone straight friends.

Best of luck to you in 08!

Lex

 

[soldierofglory]

Welcome to JUB!

Given what you've said, I'd say you're almost certainly gay rather than bisexual. Gays don't dislike women - they just have no interest in them sexually. I've certainly got plenty of female friends, and I think they're all great. Just don't want to hop into bed with any of them. Also, it's common to have "types" of men that you're attracted to - both typical and atypical.

As for what to do about it, that's a bit tougher, due to some lack of information. I'm assuming you're in Malaysia, and I know nothing about the general attitudes towards homosexuality there. If your parents are currently in charge of paying for your education, I'd definitely hold off on telling them anything. Once you're out of school, and financially independent, then they won't have as much "sway" over the decisions you make. If they express concern that you're not currently dating, reassure them with a half-truth - you're trying to stay focused on your studies. They don't have to know that it's guys, rather than women, that you're passing up.

Tell your friends? You'll have to make that decision. My theory is that if they're REALLY friends - true, honest, death-til-we-part friends - then they can handle the truth. I would try to distance yourself from the friend that you've got a crush on. It's tough enough being in the closet without crushing on straight guys, let alone straight friends.

Best of luck to you in 08!

Lex

Thanks for the input. I have *still* a little bit of partial attraction to women no matter how little do my interest.

Also, I have happen to tell some of my closest friends about it, even a girl too - so far they accepted it pretty well. That girl even told me that there's nothing wrong with it.

But of course there is another friend of mine who I'm having crush at - and I'm not going to tell him anything about this. All I did was, I kept a small distance, did other stuff and just speak to him casually. I don't want to get myself too involved or else I could be in DEEP trouble.

The strange thing about me is, I still have some 'essence' of women inside me. The nearest example could be dainty, slightly girlish and also likes cute and neat stuff, and at the same time, my 'essence' of men actually dominates most of me too. On the other hand, I pretty enjoy doing men's stuff like screwing around with electronics, computers, doing maths and all the nerdy stuff you can mention, and at the same time, I could like watching Queer Eye shows and neat Martha's show and all the other women stuff. Could I be a she-male, or a tomboy??

Well,FYI, a few years ago, when I was studying Pre-U, I come to know of a cute girl who sat in front of me. We were just friends, and just a good chat partner. No crushes are developed on her. instead, when she brought her younger brother to her classroom, my eyes immediately shifted focus on him. Damn, he's quite big, and cute. For a short moment, my brain started fantasizing about him. I almost told her that her brother is cute... but later I dropped the idea. Don't want to get killed in the process as well. Recently a small tv quiz show called "Deal-or-no-deal" featured my fave male blogger (which I mentioned before) and I watched it because of looking at him, while pushing aside the other hot ladies and the other stuff in the quiz. Until now, I yet to comprehend the mechanism of that show, eventhough I can understand complex Laplace Transforms. haha...

So, is actually fantasizing normal? My fantasies are limited to my bedroom, and when I don't have anything to do, but I really seldom fantasise in classrooms and lectures, 'cause I tend to save it up back home.

 

[rareboy]

Yup, you're gay.

Enjoy.

 

[G-Lexington]

Rareboy gave you the three word answer, but I'll expand on it a bit.

>>>The strange thing about me is, I still have some 'essence' of women inside me. The nearest example could be dainty, slightly girlish and also likes cute and neat stuff, and at the same time, my 'essence' of men actually dominates most of me too. On the other hand, I pretty enjoy doing men's stuff like screwing around with electronics, computers, doing maths and all the nerdy stuff you can mention, and at the same time, I could like watching Queer Eye shows and neat Martha's show and all the other women stuff. Could I be a she-male, or a tomboy??

Well, let me give you a quick example. Take two guys, X and Y.

X doesn't like sports, but he loves fashion. Ever since he turned 13, he wanted nothing else for his birthday or holidays except the latest clothes. He's also very neat and clean, buys skin care products, pays good money to get his hair cut at a nice place, and is always dressed well.

Y owns almost nothing but jeans and T-shirts. His place is messy, he goes several days without shaving, and puts off getting his haircut until it's a big mess.

So who's gay?

X is my brother - he's straight.
Y is me - I'm gay.

The thing is this. If I had any of those traits - if I was very neat, or liked fashion - people would view that as "proof" of my homosexuality. In my brother, since he's not gay, it's not "proof" - it's just a "quirk". So it doesn't make sense to look to anything like "cleanliness" for proof, because it won't necessarily mean anything.

You've got all the evidence you need. Guys turn you on. That's what gay is. And that's ALL gay is.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Guys turn you on. That's what gay is. And that's ALL gay is.


Amen.

 

[experiancedwanker]

dont worry, you seem just like a regular gay guy to me. keep in the closet as long as possible, until you are out of the perimeter of the wrath of your family.

 

[Eagle653]

dont worry, you seem just like a regular gay guy to me. keep in the closet as long as possible, until you are out of the perimeter of the wrath of your family.

I could not agree more. Good luck to you.

And, welcome to JUB! It's good to have you here!

 

[soldierofglory]

I could not agree more. Good luck to you.

And, welcome to JUB! It's good to have you here!

Thanks for the support, guys!

Well, I'm just happy whatever I am right now.

btw, there's a very strange thing in nowadays' youngsters - they will ask me whether I have a girlfriend or not, and also, even my close friend told me that it's 'imperative' (or important/crucial/do-or-die/whatever) to have one. How am I going to answer that? Also, he recommends me for a change, but I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, like this forum very much, it's really friendly. Thanks boys!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>even my close friend told me that it's 'imperative' (or important/crucial/do-or-die/whatever) to have one. How am I going to answer that?

"Not for me, it isn't."

Lex

 

[soldierofglory]

>>>even my close friend told me that it's 'imperative' (or important/crucial/do-or-die/whatever) to have one. How am I going to answer that?

"Not for me, it isn't."

Lex

Thanks for the advice. It's really cool place I'm hanging out here.

I'll be myself in the meantime.