Hi. Asexual Homoromantic Dude In His 20s Here.

[TX-Beau]

I was with you, except for two points: 1) It is not absolutely impossible for him to find the relationship he is seeking. He could either find some someone with a very low sex drive or another sexual. 2) The word condition implies, whether it was your intent or not, that there is something that is wrong with him. Although it may be unusual in sheer numbers, it is not a condition.

I'm still with me since I didn't say number one and if that's what you extrapolated from use of the term "condition" that's on you, certainly not what I meant. MY condition is that I am gay man who likes sex.

 

[TX-Beau]

GROWLS………

I find that the allegation that TX-Beau would have used "condition" in the sense of "(bad) state of health, ill-being" is quite an impertinence.

Happiness is also a condition. If you don't like my semantic choice fine, go back and read "points of requirement for being my boyfriend," instead.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, Whatever, I'm not talking about masturbation.



Yeah, I've always known that, thank you for reminding me of it making me feel even worse and more depressed than I already was. SOME "ADVICE" AND "SUPPORT" THEY OFFER AND GIVE HERE:

We're 1% of the population and the numbers are growing.

Imagine a complete stranger who's supposed to be "giving" "advice" and "support" to you:

"Why do you think you only wan to fuck men? To those of us who love sex with women that's a very curious thing."

Even if I knew exactly why I'm asexual, it wouldn't be any of your business.

You certainly don't sound like you're trying to make friends. Getting pissy and defensive makes me think you have a condition!

That was a joke to all of you out there now riding your dudgeon.


If you ask complete strangers to comment on your life, don't complain when they do.

 

[otters]

You certainly don't sound like you're trying to make friends.

Well, so far, skepdude wasn't interested at all to know what I was insinuating previously (post #9).

Also I am skeptical/sceptical now whether he's actually serious that he would want to quit his loneliness.

 

[sixthson]

I asked the question about masturbation only to understand your definition of asexual, since it apparently is used rather loosely from a lack of sexual attraction to some desire for sexual activity. I do understand that you want to know other males for romance/friendship but probably no sex. I was interested to know if you fell into some extreme position, in the middle or only sexual with yourself.
It is your right to not answer anything, but you did pose this in an open forum. You have to expect a certain amount of curiosity about this subject, don't you think? Maybe just give us your definition of it.

Would you be willing to discuss your non-sexual experiences with others who share your orientation? Since you said you were lonely, I assume you have had few if any such lasting relationships.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, so far, skepdude wasn't interested at all to know what I was insinuating previously (post #9).

Also I am skeptical/sceptical now whether he's actually serious that he would want to quit his loneliness.

See when you say harbors - unfortunately in my condition my mind goes directly to sailors in tight pants!

Seriously what were you insinuating, that was quite a collection of things tossed together.

 

[Seasoned]

Respect is essential and one way to achieve that is putting oneself in someone else's shoes. For a long time bisexuality was scoffed at as was the open relationship concept. We are now hearing more as asexual people are making themselves known. No one deserves being put on the spot regarding orientation. Either welcome the OP with empathy or leave him alone.

To the OP: I'm not implying anything negative regarding your asexual orientation, but therapy can help anyone feeling lonely and isolated. The key for you would be knowing up front if the therapist is open to asexuality or would view it as a disorder. My introduction to therapy was at the time my marriage to my wife was ending and I was coming out to myself as gay. It helped to affirm myself and figure out my place in the world.

You already know the challenge you face so patience is going to be required when one is among 1% of the population. I just did a quick internet search and I see what you mean. Many promising sites turn out not to be much at all. But do keep looking to the internet and don't give up here. Notify me of any issues that need addressing.

 

[coffeespoons]

Are you by chance in undergraduate or graduate school? Lots of universities and colleges have student organizations, and in some cases, staffed offices for LGBTQQIAP folks and it's a great way of meeting other people like you.

 

[skepdude]

Are you by chance in undergraduate or graduate school?

No, I'm not.

 

[skepdude]

Bump.

Anyone who may be in the same place as I am?

Please. Really need a bud.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Why don't you go to a board for asexuals? I am not saying you are not welcome here, but I am saying that there are boards specifically for people who are asexual.

 

[Oracle]

Hi skepdude,

You're welcome here. No one intended any offense. Sixthson was attempting to reach out, show an interest, and understand; in a sense, trying to connect with who you are. It's okay if you found the question too personal, but it wasn't a question intended to offend.

I'm not sure if I'd count myself as asexual since I have had sexual relationships, but currently and for a while now, I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with anyone. I've been quite content with close friendships.

 

[72-Jay]

Asexual Homoromantic
Dude In His 20s Here.
I'm extremely lonely; really.
I'm in America (the continent, not the country). The North part, to be a little more precise.
So, if anyone's in the same position as me, please, please PM me.

The 1st 2 words I can relate to..
I'm old .. more than 20*2
Not really 'lonely' (but not 'un-lonely' either)
I'll take that to mean Canada .lol. (for me it would be the US)
so only similar

I don't ever want sex at all and all I care about is having a meaninfgul, deep, romantic, emotional connection with a man. That's ALL I want and care about.

Very similar to how I feel .. if I was ever in a relationship (something that in reality I know will never happen) I would want a meaningful romantic/emotional (and 100% monogamous) one, and not really sexual .. basically the short version: "love not sex".
I'm of the opinion of "never say 'never' " for sex....but its not something I'm looking for, and I know I could continue to do without it. I can say that I would absolutely need a long-term relationship/love first, before I ever even considered the idea of sex.

And yes I do consider myself to be atleast partly Asexual (whatever the term may be - graysexual/demisexual/...)

Why don't you go to a board for asexuals? I am not saying you are not welcome here, but I am saying that there are boards specifically for people who are asexual.

AngelFromAbove does have a good recommendation there.
If you haven't seen it already, I'll say try http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php? .. its a pretty nice site (saying this as I also visit that forum atleast a couple times per week)

 

[CWcharmed]

First Thing I want to say is welcome.

Second thing I want to say, is that I am currently in a relationship with an asexual. We haven't been dating long, and we know that there are going to be bumps in the road. We have a completely open relationship, meaning we are honest with each other and talk about them, not that we are dating other people. We started because our friendship really developed. I don't know if we will work out together, because of those bumps, but I think we would definitely be able to stay friends. The major bumps I think we will have to get over are me not able to have sex, or at least very often. He has to have that strong emotional connection but he has absolutely no desire to want to be physical in any sense.

I definitely wouldn't give up hope. One advantage I think Asexuals have is to not have things get complicated because of sex. That also makes me believe you will save a lot friendships because everything get messy after two people have sex and they break up. I'll tell you too not to completely disregard having sex with someone. the way my boyfriend words it is that empathy goes a long way. Also, the simple fact that you want to please your partner too.

I hope I've helped, even though I'm not asexual.

 

[thenewkcm]

I have a friend who just came out to me as asexual. He and I liked each other and went on a date that went well. A few days after, he told me that he doesn't want to go any further with me. He definitely wants to be in a relationship and date, because he's a hopeless romantic. But he feels that the hypersexual culture we have here in South Florida is going to work against him.

My advice to anyone going through it is to not be so tough on yourself. Keep on learning more and more about yourself and don't be afraid to discuss it with those that matter to you. And know that you have a valuable place in the bigger picture and you deserve to go for what makes you happy.

 

[AgisMole]

It's very interesting skep I once knew a nice Swede "asexual" guy whom I don't see since many months but, as far as I know, should actually be somewhere in China... a little far from you I'd say .
As it was previously suggested, there are of course fora for asexual guys/gals but after all, if you think to it, in a forum whatever we are scripts only and we could think scripts appear "asexual" naturaliter. So, since one can speak of sex but I've yet to see a sexual intercourse between scripts, it seems to me that even when a guy or a gal deem themselves as "asexual" there should be a sort of acknowledgement of this "sex" at least to deny it. I'm not sure about what you feel to deny when you deny this "sex"

 

[skepdude]

Hi skepdude,

You're welcome here. No one intended any offense. Sixthson was attempting to reach out, show an interest, and understand; in a sense, trying to connect with who you are. It's okay if you found the question too personal, but it wasn't a question intended to offend.

I'm not sure if I'd count myself as asexual since I have had sexual relationships, but currently and for a while now, I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with anyone. I've been quite content with close friendships.

Hi,

Thank you very much for the welcoming.

Maybe you're asexual, maybe you're demisexual, maybe you're going through a bout of diminished libido due to various reasons (physical, neurological, emotional, psychological, etcetera, etcetera). I think it vould be a lot of things.

Thank you.

Best wishes.

 

[skepdude]

Hi, 72-Jay,

The 1st 2 words I can relate to..

Cool!

I'm old .. more than 20*2

Sorry, I don't understand... what's "20*2"? You mean you're in your 40s? Come on, dude, that ain't old!

Not really 'lonely' (but not 'un-lonely' either)

Well, I am all fucking alone. I'm sure a serial murderer and torturer on death row has more friends and people that like, care about, support, understand and check up on her/him...

Very similar to how I feel .. if I was ever in a relationship (something that in reality I know will never happen) I would want a meaningful romantic/emotional (and 100% monogamous) one, and not really sexual .. basically the short version: "love not sex".

Wow, I seriously wonder why we think we're so fuckin alike... ABSOLUTELY ALL of those things above could've been said by me. And, believe me, you'll find a dude. Of that I'm sure. It'll happen. I know.

I don't ever want sex. I'll die the same way I've always been: all fuckin alone, and certainly my total and absolute rejection of and aversion to sexual activity wouldn't help at all.

In my opinion that AVEN thing is mostly completely useless and boring. Like 99% of members are women and like 99% of the few dudes are aromantics or heteroromantics... Fuckin hate that.

Thanks.

Take care,

skepdude

 

[skepdude]

Hi CWcharmed,

Thank you very much.

Yeah, relationships between asexuals and sexual people are very hard. But if you truly care, are really, actually committed, and do have a meaningful emotional connection, it'll work just fine.

he has absolutely no desire to want to be physical in any sense.

You mean he doesn't even cuddle/hug/kiss/make-out/pet?

makes me believe you will save a lot friendships because everything get messy after two people have sex and they break up.

Well, the number of actual, real, true friends I have is exactly ZERO, so...

I'll tell you too not to completely disregard having sex with someone.

No, that's pretty much out of the question. It just won't happen.

 

[skepdude]

Hi, thenewkcm,

I have a friend who just came out to me as asexual. He and I liked each other and went on a date that went well.

I'm very jealous.

He definitely wants to be in a relationship and date, because he's a hopeless romantic. But he feels that the hypersexual culture we have [...] is going to work against him.

I am, feel and think EXACTLY the very same...

don't be afraid to discuss it with those that matter to you.

Maybe if I had anyone to talk to I would.

you have a valuable place in the bigger picture and you deserve to go for what makes you happy.

I'm absolutely incapable of agreeing with that.