Hi, I got drunk and had sex with a guy...

[New2This]

Hello everyone, I'm pretty confused at the moment and could really do with some advice.

It was my birthday the other day and I went out with some friends, including a gay friend and we all got quite drunk. As it was a week night, I ended up drinking (a lot of) vodka at my place with my gay friend, as neither of us had to work the next day.

I don't really remember how it happened, but my friend kissed me and we ended up having an amazing night. The next morning everything felt fine and normal and we fooled around some more.

I'm in my mid twenties and have 'been' straight all my life, I got out of a long term relationship with my ex last year and I've been with a few girls since then, but nothing like this. I'm completely okay with gay men, I have a few gay family members and I think sometimes my acceptance and level of comfort with the gay scene may give off the wrong impression.

I just really don't know what to do. Am I gay? I always thought that bisexuality was a bit hazy, like someone who couldn't decide.

I can't stop thinking about the other night and I really don't know what to do..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[seanystarr]

my advice....dont get hung up on it

if you enjoyed the experience you might want to do it again, if not move on from it having ticked that box and not taken it any further

stressing out over it will only make it a negative thing, which it doesnt sound like you want to

good luck!

 

[dragonnogard]

Thinking to much about it won´t change the fact it happened. Don´t be afraid and if u have the chance to try again, do it so u can be sure it was that good and then maybe start cosidering have sex with males more often

pd. sorry if I made some mistakes, english is not my primary
language

 

[New2This]

Thanks.

Forgetting about it is easier said than done though. This is a massive thing. I kind of want to talk to my friends about it, but it's not something that can be easily discussed.

He asked me in the morning if it was something I'd ever thought about and I genuinely hadn't, but I can't stop thinking about it and I do want to try it out again, but I'd be too nervous.

I'm guessing this makes me bisexual?

 

[jasoncrew03]

^If you enjoyed it and you want to do it again? Yes. Yes it does.

If your nervousness is the only thing getting in your way just think of it as if it was your first time with a girl. I'm sure you were nervous (most are) but you did it and were glad you did. It's just sex nothing to be nervous about. And if you go to a gay bar or something let the nervousness show, tell someone (or multiple someones) about your little escapade and you're not sure of what your sexual label is anymore and you will get MAD ass.

 

[texan_slant]

It'll take some time, but try to relax about it in the long run.

Meaning - don't try to put a label on it so quickly. One's sexuality is one's sexuality, and it's just a door's been opened.

Moving forward, you can either shut that door, and never act on it again, or you could experiment without the influence of acohol when the time is right.

It definitely doesn't mean you're gay, it doesn't mean you're bisexual, it just means that you are just being YOU.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you'll like sex with guys for the rest of your life, or maybe you will - and like it. It still doesn't change who you are.

If you need to talk about it, feel free to post here! If your gay friend talks about it too much, tell him that you need some space, or that you just want to move on.

The one thing I would not recommend, though, is be in denial about it. Either store this experience away for future reference, or make a decision that you just want to move on from this experience - but never discount the fact that one's sexuality can be broad.

 

[texan_slant]

Also, just because you're accepting of the gay community DOES not necessarily mean that you're taken the wrong way. Just continue to be yourself. We don't have enough people like you in the world as it is!

 

[Serenx55]

Hello, I just want to say that from the information you're giving us you are not gay or bisexual. You see there are psychological principles and factors which drive cognition. You're worrying is basically turning on your limbic system and creating major thoughts to basically protect yourself and facilitate and restore your perception of the world. So basically you're thinking about it because its worrisome event. However that being said you might just in fact be gay or bi-sexual. Go ahead and open up some gay porn and watch it and see if you get a physiological response. No response = you're straight.

Good luck.

* I totally made this account just for the sake of saying this*

 

[New2This]

Also, just because you're accepting of the gay community DOES not necessarily mean that you're taken the wrong way. Just continue to be yourself. We don't have enough people like you in the world as it is!

Thank you for saying this bit, but you'd be surprised how many times people have taken my attitude towards same sex couples as me being secretly gay. Granted, this tread might make me think again, but normally it's not the case. I've also had propositions from several gay men in the past, having gone to gay bars with my brother (who is gay) but they've never been of interest.

Thank you all for your feedback, on here and via the messages. I still have no idea what I'm going to do, my friend is away for a few days, he lives nextdoor, which makes things a lot more complicated. Also, I'm very good friends with all of his housemates, who are subsequently all straight males.

I'm not sure if it's something I'd want to do again, I don't know if it makes me any more gay, but in the morning, when I was (almost) sober and we were fooling about, I wasn't so keen on him touching me, I wasn't as physically excited in the morning, but I was doing a lot more stuff to him.

Ehhh, it's a very confusing time.

 

[AsianDream]

I’d always thought Bi-sexuality was a bit “Hazy” as well – but now I’m certain it’s real.

Lots of people (wiser than me) have advised me not to worry about “labels” and “identity” – just to “Enjoy the Ride”. Basically – it’s good for people to explore their full sexual potential – provided they’re careful and harm no one else.

 

[Nomenclature]

I'm not sure if it's something I'd want to do again, I don't know if it makes me any more gay, but in the morning, when I was (almost) sober and we were fooling about, I wasn't so keen on him touching me, I wasn't as physically excited in the morning, but I was doing a lot more stuff to him.

Well, I think the key to it is how you feel when you're sober. Alcohol removes inhibitions and makes people horny, so that's kind of cheating really.


When you're sober: Do you find yourself attracted to men or aroused by gay sex? Do you still find yourself attracted to women, and can you still enjoy sex with them?

 

[AsianDream]

Well, I think the key to it is how you feel when you're sober. Alcohol removes inhibitions and makes people horny, so that's kind of cheating really.

When you're sober: Do you find yourself attracted to men or aroused by gay sex? Do you still find yourself attracted to women, and can you still enjoy sex with them?

Good point Nomenclature - can't drink myself (2 beers makes me go bright red and feel sick) - but do know that alcohol can make people do really dumb things.

So - as you say - the real test is what you do and feel when sober

 

[Seasoned]

I'm glad you found JUB. It seems that sexuality is a whole lot more complicated than we were led to believe as kids. My guess is that it few people are 100% gay or 100% straight. I think I lean gay and therefore call myself gay even though I was married to a woman and have children. So, it's more about the internals rather than the externals. You'll just have to continue living your life doing what comes natural for you.

There can be such a strong societal bias against homosexuality as to prohibit a self examination. Some people have an easier time with acceptance when it's not close to home.

Don't blame the incident on the alcohol. Sure, it lowers inhibitions, but it seems like it was something you might have done at some point anyway. Remember, as long as you are in a consentual situation, you are entitled to do what you wish sexually.

The confusion is probably arising from the uncertainty of committing to a wife at some point. If this all becomes too worrisome do seek out a therapist. For the time being, relax and enjoy your sexuality. Good wishes to you.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

who was it that said - Labels are for jars !

I've met soo many interesting people here. I know one guy - who can and does alternate weekly with chicks and dicks -- he is the definition of BI -

I too, am married - and have feelings for men -- only they are not acted on -i think you're very lucky to have had this "event" -- it should ultimately help you figure out "next steps" -

I know guys who swear they are straight - yet they crave hard cocks and hairy chests to get off -- so how straight are they? only they know -
everybody's different - I really like the school of thought that says "if it feels good - do it" --
as long as you can do it without hurting another person.
so if you wanna play - and your friend does - then experiment some more - but just make your intentions clear to him as well.
oh - and drop me a PM with all the specific details of what happened -- this is truly needed for in depth analysis !! hehehe
I wish I could drink - them maybe this could have happened to me when i was your age.

 

[seven_sins]

I think you have a very healthy attitude toward sex. Go with what your heart tells you and you won't go wrong. I think I would label you bi-curious. One thing for sure, you cannot control who you are attracted to.

 

[clicker]

Thanks.

Forgetting about it is easier said than done though. This is a massive thing. I kind of want to talk to my friends about it, but it's not something that can be easily discussed.

He asked me in the morning if it was something I'd ever thought about and I genuinely hadn't, but I can't stop thinking about it and I do want to try it out again, but I'd be too nervous.

I'm guessing this makes me bisexual?

Yep. nice.

 

[mbynpm]

I think you are very fortunate to have had the opportunity to try it and enjoy sex with both men and women. Don't get hung up on it, do what you feel is right.

 

[stutter032]

don't worry about labels and it can and is a scary thing at first. alot to think about and alot going on. don't stress it and just do what ever you want. i know a person who dated girls then got into a relationship with a guy and they were really in love. the guy left him and now hes back to girls. alot of girls won't date him because they think hes gay.

 

[mbamike]

You had an "amazing night" with your friend and he appears to be interested in you. On the other hand, you are concerned about being gay or something. Why not just enjoy the moment for what it is and not be concerend with what others may call you? It appears you two enjoy each other's company and have great sex.
Consider yourself one of the lucky ones.

 

[New2This]

Thank you all

Who knew that people would be so helpful about stuff like this. I only came to this page because I googled something about sexuality forums.

I've decided that, yes, it was fun and I may well do it again, if I was drunk with him and the situation arose, so to speak. But I wont be going out of my way to get him over to fuck him. I don't want to see myself turning into one of those people who obsesses about stuff like that.

I guess I do like the 'if it feels good, do it' rule, but unfortunately, not everyone see's it that way.

And for all those people who've asked me for the details, I can't see how it would have been any different to two other guys fooling about.