Hi, I got drunk and had sex with a guy...

[nate78]

in college, a good friend of mine to this day, who was def. known to sleep around with a lot of women, said to me he'd like to try fooling around with a guy because he never had and wanted the experience. So we did...twice, and he was honest enough to say "you know, that was fun, but it's just not for me, I think I really like women." And that was that. You know, if you were a woman and had had a same sex experience, this thread would be about two posts long. Women experimenting is far more acceptable in our society than men doing the same. I think that the collective psychology of the men in most cultures forbids us from exploring sexual curiosity, which may in turn cause you to have questions about whether or not this makes you gay or bisexual. In a cultural vacuum, I think that you would see this as an experience like skydiving or eating live sushi; it was new and exciting and probably means nothing in terms of who you are as a person. No need to label yourself. Do what comes naturally, follow your heart and you can't go wrong. Try not to over think it. If you're done, ok. If not, ok. This doesn't mean your life has to change unless YOU want it to. Good luck. Note in margin: alcohol doesn't MAKE you do things you don't want to do, it lowers your inhibitions and in doing so allows you to do things that over thinking would normally prevent. In vino, vertias as the saying goes; in wine, truth.

 

[New2This]

Nate,

That is a very sensible head on your shoulders.

I'm glad I tried it out, but I'm not sure it's for me. Who knows.

You're right about the whole women trying things being far more acceptable and that does bother me.. I read the interview with Tom Hardy where he was like 'Of course I've tried out sleeping with a guy, most people have'. It's nice to see someone being so open about stuff like that!

 

[gaytxn09]

The worst thing you can do is try and overthink this. Like everyone's saying, do whatever feels right. If you keep getting into situations where you have sex with this guy AND it's still fun and turning you on and it's not just him doing stuff to you, why not continue? Sex is sex--it's meant to be fun and enjoyed all around. It doesn't have to be difficult unless you make it. You're young...you're allowed to have fun. You really only have to worry about "what you are" when you want to settle down and do whatever it is that grown men are supposed to do. At 23, I for one have no idea what that is. Just be yourself. Be horny. Find out what turns you on, and don't be ashamed by it. Provided of course that it's legal.... Good luck, man.

 

[AsianDream]

alcohol doesn't MAKE you do things you don't want to do, it lowers your inhibitions and in doing so allows you to do things that over thinking would normally prevent. In vino, vertias as the saying goes; in wine, truth.

I'd agree - when people are drunk - they tend to reveal what they're really like - but also do some really dumb things they'd never normally do.

I guess which of these is true for the OP will probably take him a while to figgure out.

 

[rysmiley88]

Thanks.

Forgetting about it is easier said than done though. This is a massive thing. I kind of want to talk to my friends about it, but it's not something that can be easily discussed.

He asked me in the morning if it was something I'd ever thought about and I genuinely hadn't, but I can't stop thinking about it and I do want to try it out again, but I'd be too nervous.

I'm guessing this makes me bisexual?

Labels are for canned goods, don't get hung up on them..I've learned long ago, that an attraction to someone is just that. Your mind and body will follow what it likes. So you may enjoy sex with this man. What in this Universe is wrong with that? Don't beat yourself up over it. Life is too short not to be lived the way you want to live. Also, I have been with men who LOVE women, but like to bond sexually with a guy from time to time. Unless it becomes an unhealthy obsession, or interferes with your life in any way, than I'd say you're a normal human being. Cheers, Mate!

 

[rysmiley88]

in college, a good friend of mine to this day, who was def. known to sleep around with a lot of women, said to me he'd like to try fooling around with a guy because he never had and wanted the experience. So we did...twice, and he was honest enough to say "you know, that was fun, but it's just not for me, I think I really like women." And that was that. You know, if you were a woman and had had a same sex experience, this thread would be about two posts long. Women experimenting is far more acceptable in our society than men doing the same. I think that the collective psychology of the men in most cultures forbids us from exploring sexual curiosity, which may in turn cause you to have questions about whether or not this makes you gay or bisexual. In a cultural vacuum, I think that you would see this as an experience like skydiving or eating live sushi; it was new and exciting and probably means nothing in terms of who you are as a person. No need to label yourself. Do what comes naturally, follow your heart and you can't go wrong. Try not to over think it. If you're done, ok. If not, ok. This doesn't mean your life has to change unless YOU want it to. Good luck. Note in margin: alcohol doesn't MAKE you do things you don't want to do, it lowers your inhibitions and in doing so allows you to do things that over thinking would normally prevent. In vino, vertias as the saying goes; in wine, truth.

I didn't read your post before I added my 2 cents, and I basically reiterated what you said. I have had similar experiences like yours where it has been "one and done", or on a couple occasions, "two and done". All times initiated by them.(I did, however, put my willingness out there.) Like you, I am still friends with these men today. I think I admire them more for trying something totally "out of the box", having fun with it, and then realizing what they really want in life. Props to my open minded STR8 experimenters!

 

[youngnihilist]

if I may take a different view... I have tons of straight friends and none of them would ever mess around with a guy, they've been shit faced hammered around gay guys, nothing happens. Perhaps you are more bi than you may think you are. Another interesting thing to consider - you are messing around with this particular friend. however, would you mess around with just any guy? Maybe this particular friend is attractive to you. What if it was someone say, by society's standards, grotesque?

 

[clicker]

Thanks.

Forgetting about it is easier said than done though. This is a massive thing. I kind of want to talk to my friends about it, but it's not something that can be easily discussed.

He asked me in the morning if it was something I'd ever thought about and I genuinely hadn't, but I can't stop thinking about it and I do want to try it out again, but I'd be too nervous.

I'm guessing this makes me bisexual?

Aha! We gotcha! You're converted! Yay, your bi! Yahoo!

 

[clicker]

Hello everyone, I'm pretty confused at the moment and could really do with some advice.

It was my birthday the other day and I went out with some friends, including a gay friend and we all got quite drunk. As it was a week night, I ended up drinking (a lot of) vodka at my place with my gay friend, as neither of us had to work the next day.

I don't really remember how it happened, but my friend kissed me and we ended up having an amazing night. The next morning everything felt fine and normal and we fooled around some more.

I'm in my mid twenties and have 'been' straight all my life, I got out of a long term relationship with my ex last year and I've been with a few girls since then, but nothing like this. I'm completely okay with gay men, I have a few gay family members and I think sometimes my acceptance and level of comfort with the gay scene may give off the wrong impression.

I just really don't know what to do. Am I gay? I always thought that bisexuality was a bit hazy, like someone who couldn't decide.

I can't stop thinking about the other night and I really don't know what to do..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

New2This. I'm surprised that you're surprised at your same sex experience since you're "comfortable around gay men and have gay family members. Didn't the gay influence calm you or keep you from 'panicking"? Just curious. what do you think?

 

[Raistanelf]

Hey man,

I have a personal rule about these kinds of things - ya know how some people will only sing karaoke when they've had a few drinks ? Well, I like knowing that I can sing karaoke when I'm sober. Kinda the same way - I don't hook up when I'm drunk, beyond a few kisses - saves me the angst in the morning of not knowing whether it was real or just fueled by booze.

That aside, I think that from what you've been saying, it's possibly just an experience that is not being fueled by the heart.

I've had sex with guys when I've not done anything for over a month and it's absolutely amazing - but once that hormonal lust is out the way, whilst I still like the guy as a friend, I don't find myself wanting to rip his clothes off and yank him to the bedroom.
I suppose the danger here is that your gay friend might end up feeling like you're closeted and that could spoil the friendship . If he was straight or bi, you could probably just be 'fun buddies', but ( no disrespect to gay guys, i am basing this on my own personal experience ) sometimes you could find yourself being pressured into explaining something that ... doesn't really need an explanation in the first place.

You're the best guy to know how you feel - close your eyes and picture scenarios - cuddling in a movie theatre, going out for a candle lit dinner, that kind of thing - wht gender do you see in those scenarios ? Does it alternate..

Sorry if this post just wasted thread space and was of absolutely no use, lol.

 

[Ryuukie]

What happened doesn't have to mean anything. Just go with the flow. Bisexuality doesn't have to be, "oh, they just can't make a choice." To me it was more like, "hey, love the one you're with."

 

[csf915]

Hey there - welcome to JUB. Really glad you posted the first statement and all the following ones --

First, I think that you are like a TON of other men and women who are really comfortable with their sexuality -- I find this consequently and often leads other, less confident individuals to assume that you're secretly in the closet. I mention this first because I think you should ignore anyone else's opinion but your own about who you are.

Second: You're young. Nobody is giving you a time limit on experiences or telling you that you must make a decision. I'd just give it all time and see how things go.

I've know guys who had one or two totally lucid experiences with other guys and just realized, 'hey, it was cool, but it wasn't for me', and I know other guys who have gone back and forth with the gender of their partner over the span of several years.

Now, if the shoe were on the other foot (mine) and I had an experience with a woman, and I can't deny that it wouldn't happen under the right circumstances, I could never immediately say 'hey, I must be bi'. For me it would just be an interesting, hopefully passionate and enjoyable experience, one that I may or may not want to repeat.

SO, I guess what I'm trying to say is enjoy it for what is was, don't read too much into it (it does sound like it freaked you out somewhat) and don't worry about anybody else's opinion about what happened -- your own is what truly matters.

As for the "as long as it feels good do it" I think I'd add "and as long as it doesn't hurt either party involved"...just a personal guideline.

Oh, and regarding the guy you fooled around with, it did seem like in some ways he may have been subtly trying to 'blackmail' you into getting together again or at least admitting to it, though I may be wrong. As time goes on & you become more comfortable with it, you may just want to let your mutual friends know. Then everything is out in the open & your friend has not ammunition. Just a thought.

 

[New2This]

Clicker; I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Just because I'm comfortable around the gay scene, doesn't necessarily make me gay.

Raistanelf; I have thought about that stuff and I actually talked my situation over with two friends over the weekend and also hooked up with someone (a girl) and I've just come to the decision that although I tried it out, enjoyed it, it's not really for me. Something to make down as trying out before I turn 30 I guess.

 

[Raistanelf]

Clicker; I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Just because I'm comfortable around the gay scene, doesn't necessarily make me gay.

Raistanelf; I have thought about that stuff and I actually talked my situation over with two friends over the weekend and also hooked up with someone (a girl) and I've just come to the decision that although I tried it out, enjoyed it, it's not really for me. Something to make down as trying out before I turn 30 I guess.

Good for you man
Now you just need to swim with sharks, and walk across hot coals , and you'll be set for life, haha.

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

Enjoy life to the fullest! especially while you're young. Unlike a lot of gay guys, I do believe in and respect bisexuality. To those gays that claim that bisexuals or straights that have "experimented" are just closet-cases in denial, I point out that most gays have slept with at least one woman in their lives (if not more), so by their [sic] rationale that would make them a closet-straight in denial.

 

[Woodie69]

This might be a stupid question, be kind if it is, but is just jacking each other considered "sex"? No kissing, hugging. Just two drunk friends helping each other out?

 

[hotatlboi]

To answer your last question New2This, yes it could just be a phase. A large percentage of straight men have had some kind of same sex experience in their younger years.

Or yes you could be bi.

You don't necessarily have to figure it out right away. Don't stress over it too much.

 

[texan_slant]

Hey <New2This>

Been reading only your posts on this, but I applaud you for having an open mind about it all, asking for our comments, AND not to mention, trying it again to see it's up-your-alley (sans acohol), or not.

Even though it might not be your cup o' tea in the long run, kudos for going where most straight men wouldn't dare to go at all...

 

[lifegboi001]

Hey man,

I have a personal rule about these kinds of things - ya know how some people will only sing karaoke when they've had a few drinks ? Well, I like knowing that I can sing karaoke when I'm sober. Kinda the same way - I don't hook up when I'm drunk, beyond a few kisses - saves me the angst in the morning of not knowing whether it was real or just fueled by booze.

That aside, I think that from what you've been saying, it's possibly just an experience that is not being fueled by the heart.

I've had sex with guys when I've not done anything for over a month and it's absolutely amazing - but once that hormonal lust is out the way, whilst I still like the guy as a friend, I don't find myself wanting to rip his clothes off and yank him to the bedroom.
I suppose the danger here is that your gay friend might end up feeling like you're closeted and that could spoil the friendship . If he was straight or bi, you could probably just be 'fun buddies', but ( no disrespect to gay guys, i am basing this on my own personal experience ) sometimes you could find yourself being pressured into explaining something that ... doesn't really need an explanation in the first place.

You're the best guy to know how you feel - close your eyes and picture scenarios - cuddling in a movie theatre, going out for a candle lit dinner, that kind of thing - wht gender do you see in those scenarios ? Does it alternate..

Sorry if this post just wasted thread space and was of absolutely no use, lol.

I completely agree with this. I am bi and have a straight friend that we hang out and chill for the most part. Only if we are really horny or drunk do we get physical and I gotta say that it is pretty much amazing! The last thing I want to say is that if it feels good to you then by all means do it! Stop worrying about labels and what people might think. You are who you are and no one should want to change that.

 

[britishbob]

I’d always thought Bi-sexuality was a bit “Hazy” as well – but now I’m certain it’s real.

Lots of people (wiser than me) have advised me not to worry about “labels” and “identity” – just to “Enjoy the Ride”. Basically – it’s good for people to explore their full sexual potential – provided they’re careful and harm no one else.

Hi my guy,
I am 49 years old and very macho, so far i have only had regular sex with a woman. I look good, all the girls like me. I smell great and take care of myself. I can be the guy you dream about, submission or domiant, it's your choice. I want to feel, carress and suck dick.
I cannot wait to feel your dick in my arse and in my mouth.

Bob