HIV Paranoia

[Ambition92]

I posted a little over a month ago about hooking up with someone I met online. This was my first experience with a guy and neither of us had a condom…so in my aroused state I topped him (among giving oral as well). Before doing so he did assure me that he was healthy and he had only been with one guy previously in a fling-like relationship this past summer. He was also only 22 or 23, and I was 21 at the time. I know how incredibly stupid this was and it was completely in the heat of the moment.

Now, this brings me to where I am today. I suffer from anxiety. It isn't so severe that I can't function, just that my mind starts racing and I begin to worry. Typically it's been bouts of hypochondria where I feel symptoms and I can't help but think I have a serious disease. About a week after hooking up I caught a cold and naturally I thought it was the early stages of HIV. The cold passed, however I began poking and prodding my neck to see if I could feel swollen lymph nodes. After poking long enough I felt like I'd found something, two bumps above my adam's apple and of course they began to hurt. That freaked me out to the point where about a week and a half ago I went to a walk-in clinic and told the doctor on duty that I felt like they were swollen. He checked and didn't seem to feel anything. He asked if I could point out where they were. Once I did he told me that what I believed were lymph nodes were actually cartilage.

I proceeded to tell the doctor that I had recently had unprotected sex with someone (I didn't specify gender). He said he could run general blood work to see if anything was wrong and if I had mono. He also suggested a gonorrhoea test, to which I obliged. It's been a week and half since the blood work and urine samples were taken and I didn't receive a call back (which they said they would only call if something seemed off). However yesterday I have developed a sore throat and body aches and pains. I know we're also in cold & flu season so it's typically for something like this to happen in January, but I can't help but think that I have HIV. I have a physical scheduled in late February which would be a little over two months from the encounter. I plan on asking my family doctor at that time about an HIV test.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is because it seems like HIV paranoia is fairly common and obviously the responsible thing to do is get tested. I just didn't know if doing blood work at a walk in was doing my due diligence or not. Also this was a way for me to let it out because I've felt really guilty and upset with myself for not bringing a condom. I just wish I could stop worrying and cross that bridge when I got to it, but my anxiety isn't really letting me, especially now that I have this sore throat.

Any advice would be helpful, and yes I know it was a dumb move going bareback.

 

[KaraBulut]

Yes, it was a dumb move. And people do plenty of dumb things. Just don't do it again. And don't get caught without condoms- buy them, keep them fresh and if you find yourself without one, either take a raincheck or go to the store and buy some. If the guy is worth the trouble, he can wait 15 minutes for you to get supplies from the store.

The doctor should have done a comprehensive STD check that included an HIV screen... not because you did a particularly high risk thing but because, as a sexually active person, STD checks are part of prevention. And it puts your mind at ease.

With that said...

The question that you need to think about is whether a negative HIV test is going to resolve this. The level of anxiety that you're describing is beyond just reasonable worries. Get tested and if you are still anxious, then you may need to see a therapist who works with people who have anxiety disorders.

 

[Ambition92]

I'm pretty sure me using condoms for subsequent encounters should put my anxiety at ease, but I appreciate your advice. I have thought about seeing a therapist before, but I've usually always been able to put my mind to rest with time.

 

[DmitriyEM]

first off as a top you're risk from an unprotected penetrative sex act is considerably lower than as a bottom which is a plus. you cannot know whether this guy's viral load was high at the time or not so that's not relevant at this point. more likely than not you will remain hiv- after this encounter. for future reference: #1: use a rubber with xtra lube(because condoms are safer sex but they do break occasionally) #2: if they break you can look into post exposure prophylaxis presuming you live in a major city. many std clinics can link you to a clinic that will prescribe you the correct dosage. though it can easily be found on google. it's basically a combination of 3 hiv medications in the form of two pills. AZT + Combivir. Taken within the 72 hour period after a sexual or occupational exposure(this is taken for 1 month) it is more likely than not to prevent infection. Ideally you want to start this before the 36 hour mark. #3 in light of the fact that condoms break you might want to shy away from penetration with guys who you don't know unless you establish a "fuck buddy" sort of relationship where you have a degree of trust with your partner. Even then you should use condoms because you can never be too sure. best of luck.

 

[Benvolio]

On the positive side, you will no doubt be more careful in the future, and remember that part of the risk of unsafe sex is the extreme worry you will go through if you get careless. Learn about safe sex and establish for yourself a set of hard and firm rules about what you will do and not do. As you have experience and do not catch anything, you will become more confident and less fearful. Most of us have gone through this period of worry, although yours seems more extreme than most. Find a Doctor with whom you feel comfortable in being frank. For some, part of the fear of STDs is the dread of having to tell the doctor, so you can feel in a bind between wanting to find out, but dreading to tell the doctor.

 

[ClownKing]

I used to think that guys who had unprotected sex had some kind of a death wish. Not any more. Most guys who bareback do it because it's more intimate and feels much better for both parties. They think great sex is worth the risk.

 

[Ambition92]

Thanks for the replies guys! My anxieties have somewhat tapered off as I was diagnosed with strep throat shortly after writing this. I've also have my blood work taken multiple times since this post and never got a call back.

 

[kallipolis]

I used to think that guys who had unprotected sex had some kind of a death wish. Not any more. Most guys who bareback do it because it's more intimate and feels much better for both parties. They think great sex is worth the risk.

Fucking with a condom is intimate and better for both parties for it eliminates the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections including, HIV....

Great sex is also enjoyable using a condom...no risk attached.