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Holding hands in public/PDA

O

olympus

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I recently started dating a guy. It's my first real serious relationship. He's very sweet and romantic and loves holding holds, kissing me and showing how he feels in public. I think it's super cute, but i can't help but be a bit self conscious of what other people think and say. And to be honest, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like tonight, we were holding hands, and i couldn't help but notice a lot of stares and one guy even shouted out "fags". I felt really hurt, and almost wanted to cry. My BF told me if i cared about what everyone in the world thought, i would be very unhappy, which i think is true. But it's definitely hard to completely ignore, especially always hearing about hate crimes and stuff. I live in Sydney, which is a pretty open minded city, but i feel like i have to be somewhere like Oxford Street to be completely comfortable.

Any advice? For everyone who's in a relationship, do you hold hands etc.. in public??
 
The only time my other half and I held hands was in West Hollywood last time we were there a few years ago but that's it. I had held hands with a man and walked with our arms around each other in public three and a half decades ago.
The shitty part is we're bombarded with all kinds of heterosexual PDA including indoor and outdoor advertising and having to see it live. Having heterosexism crammed down our throats while we are treated like second class citizens sucks.:mad:
 
Flash said:
Your partner's comfort should be first and foremost, especially in a public place.
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I have to disagree. The OP's bf is very comfortable whereas the OP feels some discomfort. I think no matter what situation, the OP has to go with whatever feels the most comforting. You have told your bf about your discomfort, which is good. I just think that if you're still very uncomfortable, you should let him know again.
 
It depends on the guy I'm with. If it's a first date and I'm not really into the person, I'm not really comfortable doing it. If it's a boyfriend or someone I like, I have no problem with it. If it's somebody I'm in love with, absolutely.

Yeah it does enter my mind. That's why if I do it, I want it to be with somebody I trust, somebody I'm proud to do it with, and somebody who will have your back if any trouble arises.

If anybody said that to me and my special one, I would look over at them with a smile and nod (kind of a gesture to them saying "yep I'm a fag and I'm proud of it" without being obnoxious in return), then peck my boyfriend on the cheek or lips, and keep walking.
 
If you're not comfortable with PDA's, then say so. I'm not comfortable with them, for example--whether I'm with my partner, or, in a previous existence, when I was with a woman. I'm just not the type who's demonstrative in public.

Fortunately, my partner has about the same comfort level as I do about it, so we mesh. But, for those who don't mesh, you have to have a meeting of the minds and compromise somehow. First, he needs to understand how you feel and why you feel that way (is it that you don't particularly like it in general, or are you self-conscious about the gay-thing?). Second, are there times and situations when you feel OK doing it, and can he limit/respect your request about those times?

All those are issues couples need to sort out. Good luck, and I hope you find a pattern that's comfortable for both of you.
 
My bf and I talked about pda early in our relationship. One thing he said to me has stuck in my mind. "If people do not see it they will never be comfortable with it. How else are they going to get used to it, unless people like us show them?" We then had a long talk about it which was good.

We do hold hands sometimes in public, but not well populated areas. Walking down the street or on the beach etc I am comfortable to hold his hand. We do not kiss in public however. I am prepared to do a little bit, but not make out in public. I find that tacky anyway.

I would suggest to the OP, do what YOU are comfortable with. With time you may become more comfortable and dare to do more. For now stick with your feelings. Your feelings about this issue matter too mate.
 
HornyHenry said:
The only time my other half and I held hands was in West Hollywood last time we were there a few years ago but that's it. I had held hands with a man and walked with our arms around each other in public three and a half decades ago.
The shitty part is we're bombarded with all kinds of heterosexual PDA including indoor and outdoor advertising and having to see it live. Having heterosexism crammed down our throats while we are treated like second class citizens sucks.:mad:
Click to expand...

I think that is what upsets me the most. If a straight couple holds hands or kiss in public, no one even thinks twice or gives them a second look. However, if i did it with my BF, we get all these stares, disgusted looks and names thrown our way.


Eagle653 said:
Fortunately, my partner has about the same comfort level as I do about it, so we mesh. But, for those who don't mesh, you have to have a meeting of the minds and compromise somehow. First, he needs to understand how you feel and why you feel that way (is it that you don't particularly like it in general, or are you self-conscious about the gay-thing?). Second, are there times and situations when you feel OK doing it, and can he limit/respect your request about those times?
Click to expand...

I really like doing it, i feel so happy when i'm with him. I feel uncomfortable is cos of the way people in public react to us. If people took no notice and didnt turn around and stare, i would definitely feel more comfortable. The times i feel OK doing it are when there's no or little people around, or if we're in a gay dominated area. He respects all my requests, but i feel this is something i need to get over myself.

This is so frustrating. :(
 
Me and my Bf hold hands depending one where we are/ certain other stipulations. we haven't really kissed in public but i'm kinda indifferent.
 
I don't like public affection in general. I dislike seeing straight couples do it, even my own parents. It's not cute, and no one is interested in seeing it.
 
I don't care about what people say but I don't feel the necessity to show what I am to everybody either. I guess it's just not an issue for me.
 
What Crowboy and Harke said.

It's not "weird" when straight people do it simply because we are bombarded with it.

I don't believe in French kissing in public, but a hello or goodbye peck on the lips is fine, as is holding hands. I'm getting my bf more comfortable doing it. Sometimes he surprises me!

So, no taking it up the ass in public, but a kiss or handhold--anywhere--is fine in my book.
 
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