Holy Fuck!!! What Do I Do Now!?!?!?!

[Diodorus]

No sage words here that I could add. You've gotten some pretty good suggestions to choose from. Just want to say thanks for the Jason Mraz clip. I first saw him on Austin City Limits. Mega talented guy. Good luck with the party. Just don't let it stress you out too much. Just remember....Relax, 2, 3. Breathe, 2, 3. Relax 2, 3. Breathe 2, 3.

 

[justsimon]

Jason, just decline his offer to fix you up. You don't need to come out to him in order to do that. Either find a friend to go with you or go alone.

I don't see why you'd need a date to your dad's birthday party anyway.

 

[screwnutty]

every one is affraid of my dad, weather they are in the family or not. no one wants to be the object of his wrath.

Jason

I agree with the people who say to come out when your ready to come out. But let's be honest here. If your Dad thinks your gay or is bugging you about not dating girls....then telling him no thanks Dad....I don't want to date a girl that you picked out for me is not going to stop him.

He's going to do it again and again. He's going to start to get frustrated and angry and he's just going to keep pushing you until you either submit and agree to go on a date with a chick or you go insane and god knows what else you might try.

Joshua_me is right. It's time. Are you not tired of hiding, of pretending what to say, do and act? How long do you plan on playing this game of hide and seek with your Dad?

So what he's going to explode, he's going to get angry and I sense your afraid of him but there comes a point in your life when you'll lost everything that you had by lying. A point when you need to break away from your parents control. This is your sign Jason. This is your destiny. Time to grow up and become a man. You have the support of your mom and your family.

You know you have to do it.

but follow what your heart tells you. I think you need to do some deep thinking for the next few days!

 

[JASON0980]

i should mention that my dad is doing this for one of two reasons.

1> he wants me to sleep with her. to prove i'm not gay. not for a relationship just a conquest. proof positive in his mind that i'm not a "fag"

2> he has been trying to get me to go out on the road with him. if i have a girlfriend in another state it will be easier to see her if i have to go through there on a regular basis. and his route runs through there.

 

[woaini]

Still young~~ can get over with it~~

 

[slobone]

^^^OK, well #2 doesn't make any sense. If you go out on the road with your Dad, it's to see him, not to get laid.

And if you think #1 is the real reason, then yeah -- time to come out dude. Why don't you have Soilwork give him a call for you?

 

[Joshua_me]

I don't see why you'd need a date to your dad's birthday party anyway.

THAT'S true, too...

Hmm, Soil may be right in that your Dad is kind of 'forcing your hand' at this point.

Parents know what is up with their kids. It may be obscured under countless levels of denial, but deep down, they KNOW.

And Jason, deep down YOU know what the right thing to do is as well.

 

[sixthson]

Will you also get married and give him grandchildren to carry on the name? The truth needs to come out sooner than later. If not now, when?

Tell him face to face, man to man.

 

[Joshua_me]

i should mention that my dad is doing this for one of two reasons.

1> he wants me to sleep with her. to prove i'm not gay. not for a relationship just a conquest. proof positive in his mind that i'm not a "fag"

2> he has been trying to get me to go out on the road with him. if i have a girlfriend in another state it will be easier to see her if i have to go through there on a regular basis. and his route runs through there.

Okay...

Oy.

Having just read ^that^, it gets a tad more complicated, and yet a little easier as well...

Jason, this is YOUR life, not your Dad's. "sleep with her to prove I'm not gay", indeed.

"Sleep with her so I can keep up the lie a little longer" is more like it....

Look, ideally we should all come out when we're are good and ready and on our own time, but sometimes life doesn't work like that.

Sounds to me like your Dad knows full well what is up with you, but YOUR role in life is not to help him deal with his own bullshit.

I know it's easy for all of us to type away at our keyboards and tell you what to do, but I *do* think it's obvious that you and your Dad are standing at a crossroads, here, and it's time you let your own path be known to him...

 

[KennyD]

I can't believe that an adult man would allow a parent to dictate who he takes on a date ...
Like has been said .. You need to MAN UP a little and to tell your dad that you DO NOT do "Blind Dates" , no matter who sets them up ... PERIOD !
You do not have to "Come Out" to him ... BUT be firm and hold your ground ...
As a last resort , wait until the day or evening of the part and go to the E/R complaining of chest pain .... It is a cop out .. BUT you won't have to go on the "Arranged" date ...
Think about this ... Just susposse that you do go on this date ... The girl actually does "LIKE" you and tells your dad ... then what IF he decides that she should become your WIFE .... ???? Think about that ... What would you do then ? Get Married ? ....

 

[JASON0980]

ok its time for full flegged honesty here.

my father and i have never been close. every time we saw each other when i was growing up he would make it clear he hated me. he took every opportunity he could to call me a faggot. he beat me on a regular basis. i have been in the hospital more times than i can count because of him. he has tried to kill me when i was 6. he tried to drown me. the last time i was in the ER it was because he broke my cheek, took a chunk out of my arm and twisted the hell out of my knee. that was three years ago.

when my dad is around i clam up. i am a totally different person. my voice changes, my walk changes. i am not me. its involuntary any more.

yea i'm affraid. scared shitless!! i have been afraid of this my whole life. and now is no exception.

but now when you add that if i tell him i will lose my whole family. including Jess (my little sister that lives with me. my whole life is dedicated to them. they are everything to me. if i loose them there is nothing left.

 

[justsimon]

ok its time for full flegged honesty here.

my father and i have never been close. every time we saw each other when i was growing up he would make it clear he hated me. he took every opportunity he could to call me a faggot. he beat me on a regular basis. i have been in the hospital more times than i can count because of him. he has tried to kill me when i was 6. he tried to drown me. the last time i was in the ER it was because he broke my cheek, took a chunk out of my arm and twisted the hell out of my knee. that was three years ago.

when my dad is around i clam up. i am a totally different person. my voice changes, my walk changes. i am not me. its involuntary any more.

yea i'm affraid. scared shitless!! i have been afraid of this my whole life. and now is no exception.

but now when you add that if i tell him i will lose my whole family. including Jess (my little sister that lives with me. my whole life is dedicated to them. they are everything to me. if i loose them there is nothing left.

You know, Jason, there's room in Washington State for you and your sister.

 

[JASON0980]

thanks guys. i really aprecitate youir advice. i still don't know what i'm going to do but i'm getting there.

 

[GL]

I think the time has come for you to make a clean break from your father. Yes, there will be fall out but I suspect the family members who love you for who and what you are will stick by you. It is not healthy for you to remain in such a toxic relationship. If you fear reprisals then be prepared. Look at your legal options, restraining orders and the like. Good luck to you Jason.

 

[JASON0980]

Then why THE FUCK do you care wtf he thinks. If he doesnt care already then why the fuck should you torture yourself over some asswhole that beats the shit out of you thinks???

its not that i care what he thinks. and its not really out of fear for me. i have taken the beatings i know i can take another one.

its just unfair for me to put my family through all of it on my behalf.

 

[JASON0980]

You know, Jason, there's room in Washington State for you and your sister.

well be there on thursday.

 

[Soilwork]

ok its time for full flegged honesty here.

I was waiting for this.

my father and i have never been close. every time we saw each other when i was growing up he would make it clear he hated me. he took every opportunity he could to call me a faggot. he beat me on a regular basis. i have been in the hospital more times than i can count because of him. he has tried to kill me when i was 6. he tried to drown me. the last time i was in the ER it was because he broke my cheek, took a chunk out of my arm and twisted the hell out of my knee. that was three years ago.

Yes, I can see why you'd agree to go to his birthday party.

/sarcasm

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Tell him to go fuck himself. you're not dating the gutter trash he picked out for you and you won't go to his party. You dont' need him anymore.

but now when you add that if i tell him i will lose my whole family. including Jess (my little sister that lives with me. my whole life is dedicated to them. they are everything to me. if i loose them there is nothing left.

If you ask me, doesn't sound like there's much left to begin with.

you're only going to save yourself if you fight back.

We can help you but you have to do this yourself.

 

[StlKj]

ok its time for full flegged honesty here.

my father and i have never been close. every time we saw each other when i was growing up he would make it clear he hated me. he took every opportunity he could to call me a faggot. he beat me on a regular basis. i have been in the hospital more times than i can count because of him. he has tried to kill me when i was 6. he tried to drown me. the last time i was in the ER it was because he broke my cheek, took a chunk out of my arm and twisted the hell out of my knee. that was three years ago.

when my dad is around i clam up. i am a totally different person. my voice changes, my walk changes. i am not me. its involuntary any more.

yea i'm affraid. scared shitless!! i have been afraid of this my whole life. and now is no exception.

but now when you add that if i tell him i will lose my whole family. including Jess (my little sister that lives with me. my whole life is dedicated to them. they are everything to me. if i loose them there is nothing left.

The damned hug emoticon is just not enough some times. This post hurt my heart, Jason. To see what kind of a great guy you are on here, and to know what you're trying to do for your sister--you so don't deserve to be treated so badly by someone like this monster, nor do you deserve a family that would protect him over you.

I hope you can feel at least a little of the love and empathy I'm sending out to you right now, Bud.

 

[JASON0980]

What the fuck is wrong with you?

i know its hard for people to understand. i know its not normal.

Jasun, if you had to choose between lying about you and losing your family what would you pick? i think i already know the answer. and thats not ment to be vicious i'm just trying to make it clear the position i'm in.

its not about me. like i said i have been beaten, and i can take it. its nothing. but my family didn't choose this anymore than i did. my little brother is stuck with my father. and once i'm out my father is going to take it out on him, anytime he does anything that dad thinks isn't manly enough. its not his dad and its bad enough that he has to put up with him. and he thinks he is dad. i just can't see doing that to him.

 

[KennyD]

If you are afraid because of your little brother ... there is Childrens Services etc . BUT for God's sake, don't let this man continue to bully you even if he is your father ... I can't call a man like that a "Dad" ....
IF, he would even try to assult you ; there is 911 and I'd definately use it .
You have to live your life for YOU , not for the rest of the family .... Once you understand that , you are half way there ...
I wish you the best of luck ... BUT like I said earlier ... IF you are so afraid of him and how it will be with the family .... would you marry this woman if he and she said so ?
NOW; is the time to stand up to him and do what must be done ... one way or the other , you need to declare your freedom .