Honesty: how much is too much?

[kurtwild]

that guy needs a psychologist!
poor you!

i guess that anyone should say only the things he feels comfortable to.
too much of something is bad!too much honesty i stupid!
thank god i havent met such a guy,at least not yet!

 

[belamy]

Every stomach is different. And then, of course, there is "semantics"... and mere hypocrisy.

 

[HouseOfLove]

I've found many people who use "honesty" as an excuse for cruelty. There's a difference, believe me.

 

[Swellegant]

First of all, that guy was an asshole. People who say "I'm not mean, I'm just honest" are trying to convince you that their hatefulness is a good thing so you'll stick around for some more abuse. I've dated people like that before, and unless they're fantastic in bed (which they never are), they should be cut out of your life immediately.

Here's the three-part rule to judge whether or not a criticism should be said out loud:

1. Is it necessary? Is the statement you're about to make a sincere effort to help someone correct something in his or her makeup that you sincerely believe is harming them, or are you just being nit-picky and fault-finding? Are you really being constructive? Is this statement actually going to help that person?
2. Is it true? Is the statement you're about to make completely and utterly true? Is there absolutely no trace of hyperbole or dramatic license? Is the statement entirely free of any agenda of your own? Is it based in observation and understanding or just in your own prejudices?
3. Is it kind? Is the statement you're about to make the most diplomatic and tactful statement you can make in the circumstances? Can you find any way possible to mitigate the negativity of the statement, or is there any way you can find to say it more nicely?

If you don't ring the bell on all three of these rules, keep your catty little comments to yourself. It's easier to tear something down than to build it up, so a lot of people go that route: but people who go that route are not loved and do not love; and as far as I'm concerned, if you're not loved and loving, you are wasting your time here on Earth.

Of course, I'm guilty of making unnecessary, untrue, and unkind remarks myself... especially when something or someone makes me angry. But I do try to curb my tongue.

 

[Croynan]

Actually this guy did you a big favor, he basically told you everything you needed to know about him - and in advance yet.

This one was a No Brainer? so to speak.

eM.

 

[Orlandude]

This guy is using you. In the company of others he is using you to make himself look good by attempting to make a fool out of you. When it is just the two of you, he is using the things you tell him as a weapon to control you. He is obviously a control freak and, probably, a big time drama queen.

Get him out of your life immediately. You do not need his crap. You deserve WAY better.

 

[slobone]

I'm not real big on honesty, least of all in a relationship. Unless it's honest good, of course, like "Gee, you're good looking" or "you're so thoughtful" or "I think about you all day long."

But "you talk too much" "you could lose a few pounds" or "on a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 6" -- who needs that from a significant or even insignificant other?

Of course, there may come a time when "we have to talk" -- when something is really creating a problem for you: "you need to shower more often" or "I really don't want to just sit around and watch TV all the time", etc.

But those talks should be rare, brief, and to the point. Daily carping in the name of "honesty" is a sure fire relationship killer.

 

[herenthere]

Many folks will put you down, to build themselves up...

Kick his ass to the curb!!!

 

[looseliam]

My philosophy is to never offer more information required.

If asked if I know what time it is I reply "Yes."

If someone asked me "He, Liam, when I do this does it piss you off?" I'd answer it.

There's no need to offer up ever nit-picky thing that irks you. And one is never 'honest' about the good things. I doubt anyone sings the praise of another all day. It's always the negative qualities.